A man provides.
A question for the brothers..
- Thread starter Journey.
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That's a massive red flag, honestly. I think you have a very skewed perception of wealthy couples. What you describe are men with trophy wives who switch out wives like suits. Most wealthy men with successful family lives have productive wives. Wanting to laze around in luxury and only 'keep yourself beautiful' is the female equivalent of just driving around in flashy cars and f*cking hot women all day. It's bum shit. Like World said, just look at Khaleeji wives. Fat, lazy, unproductive and produce terrible spawn. Even among gaalo, his first wife cost him his first born son out of sheer laziness. Of course, he carries some blame too. But still.
You can live a good and comfortable life while being productive. Money isn't a substitute for a wife.
or if you aren't just lazy
No, i'm talking about families with kids that usually need help. Women usually become sleep deprived when they have little ones and hardly have time for themselves. You don't even have an understanding of how difficult and straining parenthood is, especially for mothers.
They're productive but delegate cleaning to helpers. When you don't have to think about mundane shit, you can actually do other better things to help your family and on top of that the women have time for their health and appearance. Very rarely are they cleaning. All have maids, including the successful ones.
Khaleejis? Everywhere in the world, women who are middle class get help. In the West it is mostly the rich. Most rich kids in the West grew up with Au-pairs and nannies, so what on earth are you talking about?
And no, they don't laze about, they're raising the kids and if you have children the maid obviously can't do everything, you still need to parent. So a helper becomes well... Help.
Lol bored of the conversation now. How is having more time to take of yourself the same as a man committing zina wallahi some of you lot come across as unhinged.
I think the issue here is that a lot of you little boys don't understand how difficult motherhood can be. From childbirth, breastfeeding, have 0 time as the baby is always crying. Imagine having a newborn, screaming toddler ect and you can't even take long showers or have any time for yourself because if you did the toddler will injure themselves if unsupervised for like 5 mins and then you have to do all the housechores. Such a woman isn't going to have time for gym or even thinking about herself at all. How is that fair? Especially if your husband has enough money to counter that?
In the West @Enter, men complain that their wives don't have time for them anymore once kids are in the picture, complain thaT she doesn't look good anymore, but please explain how a woman that has a few kids under 5 with never ending chores even have time for herself let alone a whinny man?
Read this study mate. Marriages can become intense and stressful when the kids are young and growing up. It gets to the point that:
This can lead to a feeling that the couple is more of a functional partnership than a romantic partnership as couples begin to feel a little more like roommates than soulmates.
There is like 30 years of literature on this topic. So many studies show this.
The messed up thing about this is that having little ones are more labor intensive than actual jobs and women end up doing the lion's share and its men who'll complain and feel isolated and go on about how she changed ect. Madness.
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@Enter
I think the element of xaasidno comes into play because everyone knows the richer you become and go up the ladder, the less intense the work becomes. Example, as a man you'll have like a secretary and other staff around you to do the mundane tasks and you'll end up working less compared to when you're poorer, but out of spitefulness you refuse to get someone to help your wife, the way you get help to answer your flipping emails.
Like I said, petty feminine energy. This is how a lot of actual marriages are like with a baby:
Imagine having the means to prevent this, but you don't out of xaasidnimo? That is literally what I mean about shooting yourself on the foot. Your marriage deserves to go up in flames at this point.
I think the element of xaasidno comes into play because everyone knows the richer you become and go up the ladder, the less intense the work becomes. Example, as a man you'll have like a secretary and other staff around you to do the mundane tasks and you'll end up working less compared to when you're poorer, but out of spitefulness you refuse to get someone to help your wife, the way you get help to answer your flipping emails.
Like I said, petty feminine energy. This is how a lot of actual marriages are like with a baby:
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Imagine having the means to prevent this, but you don't out of xaasidnimo? That is literally what I mean about shooting yourself on the foot. Your marriage deserves to go up in flames at this point.
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The point wasn't that refusing to put effort into your family is the equivalent or committing zina. The point is that it's some dumb, lazy and childish fantasy. You're very difficult to talk to sometimes. Maybe I should have said 4 different wives in 4 different countries of 4 different ethnicities and then just saying why not? I can afford it!
I don't know how people in third world shitholes live, to be honest with you. I have only ever seen that behaviour in the gulf -- and I don't see it as something to aspire to. I haven't seen this behaviour in Western/Eastern Europe or South America. Your entire premise is absolutely shakey because you're implying all over this thread that the only way to have an truly successful family is by being able to hire outside help.... I've inferred that from your post on other threads too, as if that is the default and anything deviating from that is a woman making up for a man's shortcomings. It's childish and illogical, what about the family of the very same woman doing your job? Especially when firmly middle class families consistently produce some of the best nuclear families.
I'm a far cry from being rich, but I've lived and worked in one of the wealthiest neighborhoods in the country outside of the capital city. I couldn't even afford to rent a flat in the outskirt of the neighborhood by myself and was forced to share a 2br flat and travel inwards for work. Not once in all that time have I seen cleaners, maids or even nannies etc. it's always middle aged white women shoving their own kids in and out or Cayennes, Macans and Range Rovers for a private school or day care 1.5km down the road.
Western men complain because they start off on a vastly different premise from Somali men. Conversely, they're far more demanding in their wives' appearance. Be truthful, have you EVER heard a Somali man voice a complain about his wife's looks? Never. If the bar were any lower it would literally be on the floor. They're more obsessed with age than looks, which carries a subtle difference. It's only our generation that is worried about our wives looking like dogs by 40. And we learned that from our environment.
I'm also tired of this topic. We're not going to agree because we have fundamentally different definitions of a successful family, hence why you can't interpret what I'm saying as anything other than "xaasid" and "petty". You just see it as a competition between the wife and husband which is how Somalis think my default, rather than establishing a close, tight-knit and co-operative family.
What in the world are you rambling about?
That behavior definitely exists in South America with the middle class. I can't believe you said that. Having a cleaner is known everywhere. It is just that in the West, the cost of living is high so having one as an average joe is a myth.
We're talking about if you were rich mate. All rich people have help. If you're average and then unless it is super affordable why would you bother? You need to make do and make sure as a husband you really help out.
Nope, my thing is women getting help in general and the main issue in relationships is that men do not help them as much as they should. 40-70% feel strained ect. If you're an average Joe, helping your wife out more and also doing housechores and if you're lucky enough to get help, take advantage of that. That is my point.
Cleaning isn't a woman's job for flipsake. It is a necessary mudane part of life that everyone has to do, unless you're lucky enough to delegate it to someone else.
No one is saying the maids needs to raise kids. That is wrong. You can literally have cleaners come in 4 days a week and leave and the wife can focus on raising the kids, homework, cooking ect and have enough time to actually sleep and go gym.
Middle class cadaans have like two kids at most and even then they're complaining all over the internet that they hardly have time as a couple and difficulties ect and they're households tend to be more egalitarian as well.
The wealthiest cadaans most definitely have nannies. You're definitely talking out of your ass at this point. Also, where would you see them? Mothers take their kids to school and run errands with them, why would you see cleaners and nannies unless you go to the houses of the very rich?!
Lool, having an Au-pair is an cadaan version. I'm sure you've heard of that. Usually they'll also have a cleaning lady come in and not a live in maid. Why would you have a live in maid when there are apps for personal assistance and on demand services which is in fact more efficient?
Yes, why would parenting stop because you have a cleaner? Of course you'll take your kids everywhere and ideally you'll cook whilst the cleaner cleans. I'm not for having a maid do everything btw.
Women with sense take their kids to school, pick them up, take them to daycare or tuitions ect. The maid/cleaner merely cleans. The mother does everything else. We are not talking about someone doing the parenting. Use your common sense. Does a secretary despite helping run the company? No of course not.
Lol they do which is why polygamy is rife despite not even being able to afford it, divorces are rife because the wife doesn't put in effort, usually stressed with the kids and doesn't have time for hubby ect is rife. The bar is low and men instead of using their common sense to help their suugo stained baati wife with the chores so that she can get her shit together and actually be able to rest a bit will much rather just leave. If you're rich and allergic to helping which a lot of men are unfortunately, you'd just get a helper now no excuses to hit the gym.
Being stressed, having 6 kids back back, not getting help ages you earlier. Age and looks is connected mate. Why would a guy obsess with age if his wife still looks beautiful and youthful?
You've created that competition. One poster was like, if i'm working why should she laze about. Since when is someone getting help lazing about. Is a CEO with a secretary lazing about?
They've framed it that way. If you can see that your wife will be better rested if she had help as she's constantly chasing toodlers and hardly has time to for herself and you can afford to have cleaners come in from time to time, but you refuse what does that make you?
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Of course, in fact hiring help would give your wife more time to be productive and pursue her interests.
Journey, it is becoming more and more clear that these men think that a purpose of a wife is to simply clean. You see the success of the kids and marriage hinges upon the wife scrubbing the floors and only her doing it. Anyone else doing it means the kids will fail in life.
If you have help with that, then they think you're not serving your purpose. That is the crux of the issue.
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Yes, they've reduced being a wife to doing house chores and making meals. One of them said if the maid is doing it all i might as well marry her. Is that all you valued your wife for? Strange.
If I’m rich, she ain’t doing shit the maid’s is doing it all.
@Journey. What do you mean by financially well off? $100m net worth business mogul or closer to some skilled worker w/ a niche highly in-demand skill or some qualified white collar professionals running their own practice representing the top 5% of earners?
Why are you completely ignoring the fact that most couples are stressed because in the majority of relationships the woman contributes financially, takes care of the home and they STILL have to worry about bills every month?
Let me be blunt. If you're someone that lived is in a good home in a good area, and have ZERO financial concern without compromising on a comfortable lifestyle, but can't hold the house down - they're the problem. No amount of mental gymnastics can justify that. That shit is genuinely weak.
Why are you completely ignoring the fact that most couples are stressed because in the majority of relationships the woman contributes financially, takes care of the home and they STILL have to worry about bills every month?
Let me be blunt. If you're someone that lived is in a good home in a good area, and have ZERO financial concern without compromising on a comfortable lifestyle, but can't hold the house down - they're the problem. No amount of mental gymnastics can justify that. That shit is genuinely weak.
Marriage is a scam you're supposed to work all day and hustle only for your wife to do absolutely nothing and enjoy the money you made while the only benefit you get out of the marriage is sex
marriage with a bad women is a scam*
In this scenario you're comfortable enough to hire help without financial strain. The point is money isn't an issue.
Marriage is the sunnah of the Prophets and has plenty of barakah. It's also a minefield of hasanaat if you come with the correct intention. Men do have greater responsibilities in marriage, but they also have greater rights. So what you're burdened with of responsibility you're compensated for in rights/privelages.
If I'm ballin, then I'll hire a maid. Also, because I'm ballin, my pickiness on who my wife would be will be a lot higher. Many women would want that deal, so it's low supply and high demand. I'd prefer a wife who's intelligent first (proven by capabilities), cause that will be inherited to my children. Looks after. That way, not only do I have wealth, I also have an intelligent family with a strong probability of having intelligent children. Their potential will also be realized. Literally building a dynasty.
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middle east u will need a high paying job
My money not hers
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