A little advice

[Giftxo]

So, I want to live with my father and I want to run away/leave my mother for a few reasons:

1. she firstly started to break my things and go to my room without me knowing it and ruins it every chance she gets. She is always doing this everyday until I bought a lock yesterday to lock my room and my closet.

2. she has been always abusive but it’s been getting worse lately where she just beats the living crap out of me. She gaslights me too and puts the blame on me whenever she gets the chance.

3. I am forced to attend church every Sunday, and I am even forced to attend this Christian summer camp in August without her consoling with me about it. I specifically told her that I am not a Christian but she doesn’t basically care and the man she remarried with is just making my situation worse.


my father is an open-minded person and doesn’t really care about my religious believes nor does he force me to do stuff against my will. But he lives in a total different country and city which then is hard for me to move in with him because I don’t want to leave my friends but at this point I am going crazy.

 

[Giftxo]

Please just give me a genuine advice because I really need it at the moment.

and no I don’t hate my mother, in fact I still love her but her choices and her way of thinking is different from mine and we never understand each other in any way possible.

 

[Boqorada]

Do you speak to your father, is he aware of all this?
If he has a job that's flexible he can move to the same country as you or you can move in with him but let him know that you dont want to stay with your mother anymore. If you have aunts/cousins (from your dads side) near you or friends that you can stay with in the meantime try to put some distance between you and your mother.

She doesnt have to know either. Just pack when shes not there and get save some money and move out.

 

[Giftxo]

Do you speak to your father, is he aware of all this?
If he has a job that's flexible he can move to the same country as you or you can move in with him but let him know that you dont want to stay with your mother anymore. If you have aunts/cousins (from your dads side) near you or friends that you can stay with in the meantime try to put some distance between you and your mother.

She doesnt have to know either. Just pack when shes not there and get save some money and move out.

I’m currently saving up money thankfully! I don’t really know any of my paternal relatives living here sadly. I did sign myself up for other schools here but I won’t be attending them.

my dad isn’t aware of it because I’ve kept it a secret because I’m scared of what my mother would tell him eventually which makes me paranoid a lot since I’m scared that he would eventually hate me too.

my dad earns a stable amount of money thankfully, but even then! I’ll try and help him by having part time jobs

 

[Boqorada]

I’m currently saving up money thankfully! I don’t really know any of my paternal relatives living here sadly. I did sign myself up for other schools here but I won’t be attending them.

my dad isn’t aware of it because I’ve kept it a secret because I’m scared of what my mother would tell him eventually which makes me paranoid a lot since I’m scared that he would eventually hate me too.

my dad earns a stable amount of money thankfully, but even then! I’ll try and help him by having part time jobs

Maybe try to stay with him for a month as a holiday so you can get a feel of the country and his place to see if you like it, if you dont then ask him if he can move to your country. This way your mother wont be hostile if it's just a holiday. The best advice I could give you is to speak to him and tell him everything that's been going on, he wont hate you. It would probably get all the weight off your shoulders since you'll have a parent on your corner.

 

[Radical]

Perhaps there are other on going issues with her life and she's using you as an outlet to vent out her frustrations, that's a common factor in abusive relationships, or perhaps her issues are more internal and she needs immediate psychological help. Try to talk. Have a heart to heart as there are still remnants of your true mother, ask her why she is the way she is and tackle the roots of her issues with you. Be her therapist. This method rarely works but it's always worth a shot.

And if it doesn't well... In my opinion moving out is the best of the three options you'll be able to have, others being taking legal action, which opens a whole new can of worms, although child services can make it tremendously easier if you're the right age, keep notes on all the instance where she was needlessly aggressive and violent towards you and start by contacting your school. third option is to do nothing and letting her continue the onslaught.

My advice is if you're moving out, do it silently. Do not let the abuser know that you'll soon be out of their control, if you do that they'll make your final days as miserable as possible or try to coerce you with false promises, might even lock you up if they're crazy enough. Don't even let your dad know as there are chances he might inform your mother. Save up for the trip, pack your bags covertly and get the hell out.

Wishing you all the best!

 

[Giftxo]

Perhaps there are other on going issues with her life and she's using you as an outlet to vent out her frustrations, that's a common factor in abusive relationships, or perhaps her issues are more internal and she needs immediate psychological help. Try to talk. Have a heart to heart as there are still remnants of your true mother, ask her why she is the way she is and tackle the roots of her issues with you. Be her therapist. This method rarely works but it's always worth a shot.

And if it doesn't well... In my opinion moving out is the best of the three options you'll be able to have, others being taking legal action, which opens a whole new can of worms, although child services can make it tremendously easier if you're the right age, keep notes on all the instance where she was needlessly aggressive and violent towards you and start by contacting your school. third option is to do nothing and letting her continue the onslaught.

My advice is if you're moving out, do it silently. Do not let the abuser know that you'll soon be out of their control, if you do that they'll make your final days as miserable as possible or try to coerce you with false promises, might even lock you up if they're crazy enough. Don't even let your dad know as there are chances he might inform your mother. Save up for the trip, pack your bags covertly and get the hell out.

Wishing you all the best!

Tbh at this point I don’t want to have anything to do with her! I am just scared of leaving because I wouldn’t know what would exactly happen to me personally. She would surely cut off contact with me and won’t acknowledge me as her daughter anymore that’s for sure.

 

[Lostbox]

Your mother sounds mentally ill

 

[Zoobear]

Go for it!

 

[Giftxo]

Your mother sounds mentally ill

She is. She has bipolar and personality disorder and nobody can live with her

 

[Nak-Muay-Kru]

She is. She has bipolar and personality disorder and nobody can live with her

Give your dad a heads up and get the f*ck out of there ASAP. If she's mentally ill, it'll never get better. It might not look like it on the surface, but this is doing severe psychological damage to you.
You're conditioning yourself to think that being hit is acceptable and god forbid if you end up with an absuive piece of shit, he'll sniff it out in a nano-second.

Tell your dad everything and let an him handle the situation, don't fell weird for ratting her out.
Abusers love it when you hide their shame/behaviour, they take it as a sign that you're okay with the abuse.