‘Settling’ or Compromise?

[Lum]

Ain't nobody cares about your madhab. It's what Allah SWT told us to follow and the prophet sws spoke on it. Khalas.

«So here is the issue that needs to be clarified:Many people use the abbreviation “SAW,” “SAWS,” or “PBUH” to fulfill this obligation in their writing. Is this something that fulfills the obligation of sending the salaah and salaam on the Messenger? Let us look now to some of the statements of the scholars regarding this practice. The Permanent Committee of Scholars in Saudi Arabia headed by ‘Abdul-‘Azeez ibn ‘Abdillaah ibn Baaz issued the following verdict when asked about the validity of abbreviating the salaah on the Prophet (sallallaahu ‘alayhe wa sallam): “The Sunnah is to write the entire phrase “sallallaahu ‘alayhe wa sallam,” since it is a kind of supplication, and supplication is worship, (in one’s writing) just as it is in one’s speech. So to abbreviate it using the letter SAAD or the word SAAD-LAAM-‘AYN-MEEM is not a supplication nor is it worship, whether it occurs in speech or writing. For this reason, this abbreviation was not used by the the first three generations, those that the Prophet (sallallaahu ‘alayhe wa sallam) testified to their goodness.” [8] “SAAD” and “SAAD-LAAM-‘AYN-MEEM” are often used in some Arabic books. The English equivalents of these abbreviations would be: SAW, SAWS, SAAWS, PBUH, and the likes. Al-Fayrooz-Abaadee said, “It is not appropriate to use symbols or abbreviations to refer to salaah and salaam, as some of the lazy ones do, as well as some ignorant people and even some students of knowledge – they write ‘SAAD-LAAM-‘AYN-MEEM’ instead of writing ‘sallallaahu ‘alayhe wa sallam.'” [9] Ahmad Shaakir said, “It is the absurd tradition of some of the later generations that they abbreviate the writing of ‘sallallaahu ‘alayhe wa sallam.'” [10] Wasee Allaah ‘Abbaas said, “It is not permissible to abbreviate the salaams in general in one’s writing, just as it is not permissible to abbreviate the salaah and salaam on the Prophet (sallallaahu ‘alayhe wa sallam). It is also not permissible to abbreviate either of these in one’s speech.” [11] And Allaah knows best. May the most perfect and complete salaah and salaam be upon our beloved Messenger, and upon his noble family and companions.»
FOOTNOTES

[1] written by Moosaa Richardson

 

[Lum]

Not in the shafi madhab, that is a salafi site which i do not take seriously.

Why?

 

[World]

What you mean to say is f*ck the happiness of women, because we both know that you wouldn't marry a woman your father picked out for you, if you were not attracted to her and you would sympathise with a man who was in that situation. You have no respect or empathy for women. That is why I accuse you of hating women across the board. I've seen posts of yours admiring Arabs and Asians for honor killing and abusing women, and wishing Somalis were like that. Women are evidently of no value to you.

You have just as much kibir if not more, but its okay for you to choose and be with someone you actually want, but you want to deny women that chance. Why? Do you feel superior to us? Do we lack emotions and desires? If you were a girl, i assure you your feelings surrounding the issue would not change. Sleeping with, procreating and living with, someone you do not want is disheartening for any human. Yet, us western women voicing our opinions is 'kibir'? Subhanallah.

Women wouldn't want to marry a guy they have no desire for the same reason you wouldn't. It is as simple as that and Alhamdulliah sahih hadiths make this clear that it is not acceptable. Where I am from forced marriages is not common, nor as any male family members of ours has ever forced us. They actually care about our happiness.

East Asians like the Chinese and Japanese, do not have culture of forced marriages yet their children are doing fine. Forced marriages, and forcing women into a lifetime of rape and unhappiness isn't the answer.

Arabs have social issues, just look at France. Asians have gangs in which they prey on little white girls, and many who engage in this are married.


Great examples walaal.

The reason I am against women choosing a husband is because they have deficient intellect, judgement and reasoning. They think emotionally. This is why you are constantly talking about the importance of a woman “liking” someone and having “desire” for a potential. You think that a thug who tells you a few nice words to get into your pants is a good match because it gives you goosebumps. The truth is, happiness comes after marriage and not before it. You won’t know someone until you’ve lived with them. So whilst you think with your emotions, a father will look at a man’s qualities to see if he’s capable of taking care of his daughter. And a woman due to her deficient intellect and reasoning, may disagree with her father who has her best interests at heart, because the man he picked for her doesn’t give her tingles in her stomach. In this situation, a father can and should marry his daughter off to the perfectly suitable man.

There are no Arabs in France, just Maghrebi people. They are Berbers. And Asian people have higher education rates than even the native British population, let alone failed communities like Somalis. Their crime rates are also among the lowest. We don’t look at individuals but statistics. This is all due to their strong family units, traditions and customs. No doubt Somalis should emulate them.

 

[NotMyL]

You know that cliche when you know it’s right? It’s pretty accurate, you are passing on these guys because you know something is missing, always go with your gut.

 

[HalimaJ]

The reason I am against women choosing a husband is because they have deficient intellect, judgement and reasoning. They think emotionally. This is why you are constantly talking about the importance of a woman “liking” someone and having “desire” for a potential. You think that a thug who tells you a few nice words to get into your pants is a good match because it gives you goosebumps. The truth is, happiness comes after marriage and not before it. You won’t know someone until you’ve lived with them. So whilst you think with your emotions, a father will look at a man’s qualities to see if he’s capable of taking care of his daughter. And a woman due to her deficient intellect and reasoning, may disagree with her father who has her best interests at heart, because the man he picked for her doesn’t give her tingles in her stomach. In this situation, a father can and should marry his daughter off to the perfectly suitable man.

There are no Arabs in France, just Maghrebi people. They are Berbers. And Asian people have higher education rates than even the native British population, let alone failed communities like Somalis. Their crime rates are also among the lowest. We don’t look at individuals but statistics. This is all due to their strong family units, traditions and customs. No doubt Somalis should emulate them.

Walis are there to veto a woman's proposals not force. All a decent father has to do is introduce his daughters to a number of decent men or reject men that are not decent. Forcing is not needed.

The average man would not even think about marrying a woman they are not attracted to, regardless how pious she is. Attraction is a feeling, therefore would you argue a man's preoccupation with such a feeling is a marker of intellectual deficiency?

You are being a hypocrite now.

If you could tell me that you would marry a woman with whom you had no attraction to or interests, but had the qualities of a good wife/mother i would actually take you seriously.

There is a reason why the Prophet S.A.W, said that both men and women about to marry should see how the other looks before marrying.

As a married woman, i can assure you attraction is very important in a marriage for both parties. Its something you will realise as well when you eventually get married.

Furthermore, if you look at statistics Indians are the successful ones, not Pakistani and definitely not the Bengalis. Although they are improving as a community.

 

[Lum]

Walis are there to veto a woman's proposals not force. All a decent father has to do is introduce his daughters to a number of decent men or reject men that are not decent. Forcing is not needed.

The average man would not even think about marrying a woman they are not attracted to, regardless how pious she is. Attraction is a feeling, therefore would you argue a man's preoccupation with such a feeling is a marker of intellectual deficiency?

You are being a hypocrite now.

If you could tell me that you would marry a woman with whom you had no attraction to or interests, but had the qualities of a good wife/mother i would actually take you seriously.

There is a reason why the Prophet S.A.W, said that both men and women about to marry should see how the other looks before marrying.

As a married woman, i can assure you attraction is very important in a marriage for both parties. Its something you will realise as well when you eventually get married.

Furthermore, if you look at statistics Indians are the successful ones, not Pakistani and definitely not the Bengalis. Although they are improving as a community.

«So here is the issue that needs to be clarified:Many people use the abbreviation “SAW,” “SAWS,” or “PBUH” to fulfill this obligation in their writing. Is this something that fulfills the obligation of sending the salaah and salaam on the Messenger? Let us look now to some of the statements of the scholars regarding this practice. The Permanent Committee of Scholars in Saudi Arabia headed by ‘Abdul-‘Azeez ibn ‘Abdillaah ibn Baaz issued the following verdict when asked about the validity of abbreviating the salaah on the Prophet (sallallaahu ‘alayhe wa sallam): “The Sunnah is to write the entire phrase “sallallaahu ‘alayhe wa sallam,” since it is a kind of supplication, and supplication is worship, (in one’s writing) just as it is in one’s speech. So to abbreviate it using the letter SAAD or the word SAAD-LAAM-‘AYN-MEEM is not a supplication nor is it worship, whether it occurs in speech or writing. For this reason, this abbreviation was not used by the the first three generations, those that the Prophet (sallallaahu ‘alayhe wa sallam) testified to their goodness.” [8] “SAAD” and “SAAD-LAAM-‘AYN-MEEM” are often used in some Arabic books. The English equivalents of these abbreviations would be: SAW, SAWS, SAAWS, PBUH, and the likes. Al-Fayrooz-Abaadee said, “It is not appropriate to use symbols or abbreviations to refer to salaah and salaam, as some of the lazy ones do, as well as some ignorant people and even some students of knowledge – they write ‘SAAD-LAAM-‘AYN-MEEM’ instead of writing ‘sallallaahu ‘alayhe wa sallam.'” [9] Ahmad Shaakir said, “It is the absurd tradition of some of the later generations that they abbreviate the writing of ‘sallallaahu ‘alayhe wa sallam.'” [10] Wasee Allaah ‘Abbaas said, “It is not permissible to abbreviate the salaams in general in one’s writing, just as it is not permissible to abbreviate the salaah and salaam on the Prophet (sallallaahu ‘alayhe wa sallam). It is also not permissible to abbreviate either of these in one’s speech.” [11] And Allaah knows best. May the most perfect and complete salaah and salaam be upon our beloved Messenger, and upon his noble family and companions.»
FOOTNOTES

[1] written by Moosaa Richardson

 

[Misil]

«So here is the issue that needs to be clarified:Many people use the abbreviation “SAW,” “SAWS,” or “PBUH” to fulfill this obligation in their writing. Is this something that fulfills the obligation of sending the salaah and salaam on the Messenger? Let us look now to some of the statements of the scholars regarding this practice. The Permanent Committee of Scholars in Saudi Arabia headed by ‘Abdul-‘Azeez ibn ‘Abdillaah ibn Baaz issued the following verdict when asked about the validity of abbreviating the salaah on the Prophet (sallallaahu ‘alayhe wa sallam): “The Sunnah is to write the entire phrase “sallallaahu ‘alayhe wa sallam,” since it is a kind of supplication, and supplication is worship, (in one’s writing) just as it is in one’s speech. So to abbreviate it using the letter SAAD or the word SAAD-LAAM-‘AYN-MEEM is not a supplication nor is it worship, whether it occurs in speech or writing. For this reason, this abbreviation was not used by the the first three generations, those that the Prophet (sallallaahu ‘alayhe wa sallam) testified to their goodness.” [8] “SAAD” and “SAAD-LAAM-‘AYN-MEEM” are often used in some Arabic books. The English equivalents of these abbreviations would be: SAW, SAWS, SAAWS, PBUH, and the likes. Al-Fayrooz-Abaadee said, “It is not appropriate to use symbols or abbreviations to refer to salaah and salaam, as some of the lazy ones do, as well as some ignorant people and even some students of knowledge – they write ‘SAAD-LAAM-‘AYN-MEEM’ instead of writing ‘sallallaahu ‘alayhe wa sallam.'” [9] Ahmad Shaakir said, “It is the absurd tradition of some of the later generations that they abbreviate the writing of ‘sallallaahu ‘alayhe wa sallam.'” [10] Wasee Allaah ‘Abbaas said, “It is not permissible to abbreviate the salaams in general in one’s writing, just as it is not permissible to abbreviate the salaah and salaam on the Prophet (sallallaahu ‘alayhe wa sallam). It is also not permissible to abbreviate either of these in one’s speech.” [11] And Allaah knows best. May the most perfect and complete salaah and salaam be upon our beloved Messenger, and upon his noble family and companions.»
FOOTNOTES

[1] written by Moosaa Richardson

Are you a madkhali bot

 

[Zahra]

Good afternoon sspot.

Simple q: do we all ‘settle’ for someone decent in the end? Does the ideal person we have in our head ever come along?
Alx Ive had many good options come my way but all seem deficient in some way. I have this fear however that Im passing up good people in the hope that Ill get better....but what if it never happens and my options only depreciate over time?
Where do we draw the line between having standards and being too picky?

In my opinion no one will ever be everything you want in a life partner. It's unrealistic . You have to remember that you also can not change another human being to be as you want them. It just doesn't happen. If you come across someone who seems like a genuine and ideal match then why not give it a shot. By passing up on everyone only to HOPE the next suitor is going to be better is insane because your setting yourself up to be alone. You can have standards, that's fine. Being picky though, that will destroy you because you'll look for anything to find something wrong in that person although they might be just fine. It's like when you get dressed up and you look at the mirror a thousand times , you know you look fine, you know you look nice , but you adjust this and you fix that because in your OWN mind your fixing something that doesnt need to be fixed with at all. Your being picky with yourself , you get it. You see the thing is , when you go looking for something you'll find it even when it's not there you will make something up in your head

 

[Sophisticate]

Everyone is deficent. The question you should ask is can I tolerate their foibles/issues? And do I know enough about them to even make an informed enough decision to settle?

You can't get all your emotional needs met by one person. You need a small village to do that so don't place that labour on to a mere mortal for you will surely be disappointed as they will NEVER rise to the challenge.

 

[GoldmanSachs]

Good afternoon sspot.

Simple q: do we all ‘settle’ for someone decent in the end? Does the ideal person we have in our head ever come along?
Alx Ive had many good options come my way but all seem deficient in some way. I have this fear however that Im passing up good people in the hope that Ill get better....but what if it never happens and my options only depreciate over time?
Where do we draw the line between having standards and being too picky?

There's nothing wrong with being a little picky. This isn't some lousy job you're working to make ends meet while looking for your dream job. This is the potential future father of your kids and ideally the man you will spend the rest of your life with. The stakes are high, especially if it ends up not working out and you end up as a divorced single mother. Choose wisely. If your heart is not in it, then you know.

I will say this though, if you have high standards then you need to ensure you are rising to those high standards. You need to be the best if you only want the best.