Why do people neglect the privileges children have over their parents?

Disclaimer-this is going to be a lengthy post so those of you who want to comment please make sure you read the entire thing and not just recklessly skim the post

To start off I am 18 years old as of writing this thread and five years ago both I and my brother were removed from my mother's care and placed into foster care. The reason being I ran away with my brother who was two years old at the time was because of the severe abuse and almost torturous conditions me and him were living under. Constantly beating, biting, punching and kicking me.

I remember on a few occasions were she beat into my skull with a metal spoon and I started bleeding and too matters worse this was before we were heading off the barbers so my hair was bloody and oily and it stung every time the razor would come into contact with the wound.

Things got so bad that I remember many times as a child being 8-9 years old and asking Allah why was I given such a horrific mother? What did honestly do to deserve this? even worse I asked Allah to end my life. My mother has been assaulting me since I was 4 years old. My younger brother was born when I was 10 and I remember holding him for the first time I've always been an only child so I was pretty happy to have a younger brother however who knew life would become increasingly harder after this

A year after my brother's birth she began

Whenever she was feeding him and he vomited she snapped and beat him like there was no tomorrow and there I was forced to watch the entire thing incapable of doing anything. I stood there and watched my baby brother being brutally beaten into submission and I couldn't do anything about it. This continue for about a year and a half and she advanced to hitting my brother's head and choking my brother in order to prevent him from throwing up but that just made it worse but then again it also lit a spark in me and the possibility of maybe running away.....

I thought about it over and over and was a very dangerous task to do but I couldn't just stay

I couldn't watch my brother being completely dominated like that. I grew numb to the beating I got; I didn't mind it anymore but not my brother, watching him hopeless like that was worse than anything my mother ever did to me. I planned everything out and ran off with my brother unfortunately we were caught by my aunt and you can guess what happened but I ran away again with my brother until we were caught by the police and I explained everything which then my brother and I were taken away from my mother's guardianship and placed in foster care and my mother was investigated.

I remember seeing my mom a year later after school which was a very awkward reunion to say the least but she started to break down and apologise but to be honest I couldn't care any less and this all happened when I was 14 and I haven't seen my mother since

I very recently left foster care which was a bag of trauma itself but I moved in with my father both he and my mother divorced when I was 7 and know he has his own wife and kids (my brother and I have two different father btw). Very recently my father has been pushing me to go and see my mother and when I ask him why he's only argument is 'because she's your mother' I argued with his poor reasons and how he never understood anything since he was never really there and his opinions are invalid. My father constantly brings it up and it's starting to become unbearable.

I recently had an argument with my father and he says that the mother can do anything she wants to the child because she is the mother. He even took it a step further and revealed that I am lying about my entire experiences about my mother and the terrible things she did and that I just told the social workers a fake story; I'm honestly starting to lose respect for my father and disgusted by it all.


His logic is that a mother can do anything inhumane to a child and make the child's life a living hell and the child is just supposed to sit there and take it because she's his mother. He even added that I should go to my mother apologise to her and that I am in big trouble with Allah at the moment; if my mother dies right now angry at me the my akhirah will be doomed? and that nobody will ever love me in my life

What a ignorant and brainless way of thinking- she does a poor job at raising me and because I decided to take me and my brother out of her care in fear that she would one day inflict enough damage on my brother that'd she kill him it's my fault?

This is the same issue I had with my relatives everybody sees me as the villain and her as this innocent saint who's done no wrong. My mother's sister who was my aunt forced me to damage one of my sexual organs as a punishment and despite all of this my father still believes I am in the wrong and lying about it all and how I shouldn't have ran away. I'm really starting to hate him. He chose the perfect and kind wife to raise his little kids and they live their best lives yet he continues to remind me of my unforgivable action of abandoning my mother who he chose to have a child with

I'm just so sick and tired of people weaponizing Islam and trying to make me feel bad about what I've done saying 'Your kids will do the same to you when you become a parent'.

It's already a miracle that I still retained Islam and I am very thankful for it since many young Muslims with similar experiences stray away from it but it's honestly tiring hearing people say bad things will happen to me in my life all because I don't want anything do do with the same women who brought me physical and psychological trauma

Even when I visit Jummah and listen to the Khutbah they always regurgitate this constant notion of respecting your parents and by all means I have no issue with and I understand that parents and seniors in generals are well respected in Islam no problems at all but they always neglect the privileges children have over their parents and all this does is create parents who are practically egomaniacs and use Islam to justify their despicable parenting

I understand this life is a test and we're told to pass through as though we're travellers
 
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wallahi by Allah you and your brother were strong people . This was mental abuse and physical abuse you disobeying your parent when they feed you and nourish you is bad not when they’re putting you through hell. People speak out of ignorance that’s why from now on I always try to hea peoples stories when they voice they’re disdain for their mothers or fathers
 
You and your brother suffered a lot , dont pay heed to what your father says , sounds like he abandoned his responsibilities anyway. I would cut ties untill you reach an age where you are safe from her. If your mother dies angry with you , then thats up to her. She's the one who tormented you since you were born.
 

Kisame

Plotting world domination
f*ck your parents. A lot of somalis should have never had kids. Especially the men because it's obvious a lot of these older men had no interest in raising children.
 
This is probably the saddest thing I’ve read today. No child should ever have to endure what you and your brother have. A parent’s job is to protect and nurture, and I’m sorry that you were robbed of that. Your mother suffers from severe mental issues because how can anyone abuse and treat children like that. Hamdulillah that you managed to escape her abuse, and you also saved your brother’s life. I pray that you can heal from that horrible past
 
This is the consequence of people just having children to have children. In their head, they think they are fulfilling an obligation of the deen, but dumping out children with no regard for them is not the right way. These kinds of parents also forget that it's an obligation to be kind to your children. Don't ever think your mom was disciplining you guys, she was using you both as punching bags. Beating a baby is crazy work.

You're also right to feel that way about your dad. He abandoned you guys. The fact that you have a living father and you and your brother were placed in foster care? That's also insane. Now he wants to gaslight you guys. Where was he will other people were raising you?

I'm really sorry you and your brother got put in this shitty situation by no cause of your own. You really persevered. May Allah heal you both for the trauma you went through.
 
I'm so sorry to hear this walaal.

I am hoping that life gets better for you.

Btw you are an incredibly intelligent and strong individual, I know with those qualities you will go very far!

You have no obligation towards your sick and abusive mother and your revolting aunt.

Don't listen to your father. From now on just think about yourself. Use the stability of your father's home to build something for yourself.

Just pay lip service to your fathets advice about your mother, don't let it upset you.

Btw the religion says children are an amaanah from Allah that should be cared for. They belong to Allah not to the parents. Imagine some people would do anything conceive and your mother was giving two precious boys and she abused those precious boys subhanallah.
 
:it0tdo8: Wow brother, there is this other user @Ronaldo Nazario who had a very similar experience https://www.somalispot.com/threads/i-ruined-my-brothers-life.158830/.

all this does is create parents who are practically egomaniacs and use Islam to justify their despicable parenting

Somali parents abuse their kids too much. When I have kids, I wouldn't even swear at them and only physically discipline them with a slight smack rarely. “Whoever does not show mercy to our young ones, or acknowledge the rights of our elders, is not one of us.” [Musnad Ahmad]
 
Your mother, your father and anyone else who is trying to make you get into contact with your mom are all pos. I’ so sorry to read about what happened to you and your brother, no child at all ever deserves this level of beating. Inshallah you guys can heal from this abuse.
Your mother doesn’t deserve to see/speak to you or your brother again no matter what (unless in the future you feel ready/you want to meet her) and if she dies angry at you then it is only her fault for what she has done to you through the years. Allah swt will not punish you for going no contact because He has seen what you and your brother went through in your youth.
Inshallah life starts looking up for you both
 

Mudug_gyal

لا تَقْنَطُوا مِنْ رَحْمَةِ اللَّه
VIP
I’m so sorry. That lady cannot be called a mother. What she did is unforgivable cut her off cold turkey. Report all the abuse she inflicted on you to children protection and sue her for damages even better to place her in prison. A lot of muslims forget that parents can also be caasi and get punishment in the hereafter for how they raised and treat their children after all children are a test. She must be suffering from some sort of mental illness
 
Thank you for sharing your story. I hope you don’t delete because it’s a very common story. Abuse is cyclical and you have broken the cycle for you and your brother.

Most Somalis unfortunately have lost the ability to think critically and especially engage critically with Islam. This strange black & white thinking is actually what takes people out of the fold of Islam. But I digress..

Back in the day, when Somalis were less dysfunctional the maahmaah was waliid caasi and caasi waliideen. Meaning ungrateful/cursed children and ungrateful/cursed parents. Now you’ll only hear the former.

You are an absolute hero and at such a young age to save not only yourself but your brother is amazing and Allah swt will reward you for that. Ultimately as for forgiveness, from what I know of egotistical abusive (Somali) parents is that it unlikely they will admit their wrongdoings and humbly ask for forgiveness so unless she has done that, there’s nothing for you to accept or reject.

As for your father, he also abused you and Islamically did not fufill his obligations. Picking an abusive and irresponsible woman to be a mother will be the first crime and abandoning you with her is the second.

Lastly, he is only pressuring you to ‘forgive’ to assuage his guilt. Some of the things you have mentioned are beyond horrendous. He is trying to cover up the shame and guilt. It has nothing to do with Allah swt or Islam.

Islamically you are in the right but were given two abusers for parents. I hope you can find someone to talk to so you can heal from this. My suggestion is to not engage with either and protect your mental health and physical safety.
 

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