Mental Illness is Rife in Somali

[Jaale Ugaas]

I agree but we should also teach women how to properly vet men before marriage. They need a safety net and learn personal finance. It shouldn't be the end of the world if your husband leaves you. Completely relying on your partner is dangerous and foolish.

Absolutely. If the community can I'd encourage them to support single mothers when they can. We are in a foreign land so we should stick together as a community.

 

[DR OSMAN]

Very informative thread. I did not know you could suffer from psychosis due to eating khat but it makes sense.

We need to address mental health and how it affects our community.

We have a very dismissive attitude to mental illness(denial culture) plus(arrogance culture) of it only a non weak person that gets it

 

[DR OSMAN]

@astronaut women vetting men is a good idea not just marrying quickly, get to know the person, do your own background checks(silently without him knowing thru his friends), if u can find out his enemies ask him about iyo wixi lagu nacay(their is multiple sides to a person) don't just take his words for it but take into account all actors word and make a balanced and informed decision.

 

[DR OSMAN]

no1 is perfect men n women should do background checks(friends, family, but also enemies) u need to 'extract' from him who he doesn't get along with or had conflict with, and without telling him/her secretly go to that person to get his/her side of 'waxay ku aragtay'.

No-one is perfect and has flaws so men/women need to account that, that's why i said make balanced/informed decision once u know all the sides of him/her, then u need to balance if u can tolerate their negative side for their positive side. That's my strategy with my possible wife

 

[DR OSMAN]

The other areas u should consider is marriage is partnership, a partnership u need to be on the same goals, if u have different aspirations n goals, u shud end it there, don't bring kids into the mix n effect them later on thru the absent father/single mother 'effect'.

Some want a housewife, some want religious person, some want a partner who wants life successes(academic, work, business), if u two are not of similar goal, u should cease it no matter how well u get along personality wise.

If u find a potent mix of physical/personality attractiveness plus similar life goals that u both want to achieve, hold onto him/her if I were u, that has all the ingredients of good marriage that will last even when the physical attractiveness ends u will still love their personality and share a common goal.

 

[astronaut]

The other areas u should consider is marriage is partnership, a partnership u need to be on the same goals, if u have different aspirations n goals, u shud end it there, don't bring kids into the mix n effect them later on thru the absent father/single mother 'effect'.

Some want a housewife, some want religious person, some want a partner who wants life successes(academic, work, business), if u two are not of similar goal, u should cease it no matter how well u get along personality wise

Yup, I feel like most of our problems as a culture stem mainly from marriage and parenting.

 

[DR OSMAN]

Personality attractiveness is unique to what u want, I like someone not a carbon copy of me but u want someone that u can grow with not be a 'sanab or statue' to u but then again some like a sanab/statue so they need to find that. I want to have meaningful discussions with my wife, thats what i mean about personality and 'grow' together

 

[DR OSMAN]

Yup, I feel like most of our problems as a culture stem mainly from marriage and parenting.

Why I say personality matters, when looks disappear, u still got personality connection plus similar life goals. Personality connection requires 'growth' for both of u n meaningful discussions that 'u enjoy' together, the key is it has to mean something to you both.

So create a matrix and weight score for

1. Physical looks
2. Personality connectio n growth
3. Life goals

Do ur background checks like said assessing her thru observation over a 'time period', speaking to her family n closest friend to see what positive things they have to say becuz naturally they won't say negative things u have to take that bias into account and secretly ask her/him who they don't like a real person or enemy they have to counter-balance their family/friend positive image.

Everyone has positive n negative tho, so u need to balance if u can tolerate it.

Think before u make important life decisions, as you will have kids and they will be effected

 

[DR OSMAN]

As for parenting use your own past parents as a baseline, scan the community trend(religious, non religious households), scan non muslim households(chinese, indian, white, black) take what they do positive and leave behind their negatives and sit down with ur wife and apply all the positives approach with good outcomes.

Parenting needs wise parents u need to know how to collect positive sides of all parenting households not just copy n paste the past or other ppl home or re implement ur parents model, that means u haven't added anything different to your kids. U want ur kids to have the best possible start and parents r big factor.

 

[DR OSMAN]

My generation Gen Y are the first somali generation born outside somalia, so we will communicate n share strategies so when gen millenials become parents they can take it further from there. We need to do this in our nation politics also, a generational passing of the torch so they get something positive from us unlike wat our parents gave us 'refugee, warlordism' even tho our grandfathers syl generation were good ppl who handed something positive, it's their grand kid generation who will balancee their good agaainst our father generation bad and hand something positive to mellenials to run with

 

[DR OSMAN]

My strategy with kids is simple, I will speak to chinese/indian parents and ask them how they were raised and how do they raise their kids only taking the 'successful part' to apply on my own kids their schooling structure, so they r focused n study, i will apply that technique on my kids on their study n school part and ensure they make friends with them.

I will scan muslim n arab households n see how much religion to add into the mix only to the point where it's positive not radical.

I will scan white ppl home n ask them their parenting style to create 'good morality' in my kids.

Then combine morality-school success-with religion to the point its not extreme. I'll add my own technique to take them travelling with me to explore the world and meet other kids so they can be global citizen when they grow up and relate to all cultures while havin their own. U wont change other ppl culture u need to teach them how to work with them so in their future they can use that to achieve their own life goals. I also wont set what their life goals are, just giving them a 'good base' to make their own decision but i will provide my advice but it wont be mandatory

 

[DR OSMAN]

Oh I forgot I will scan even african homes only taking the part of applying 'fun' parts as those kids like to have fun from them homes more then anything, so that will be my fun rewards for my kids as they achieve those set goals i teach them

 

[astronaut]

My strategy with kids is simple, I will speak to chinese/indian parents and ask them how they were raised and how do they raise their kids only taking the 'successful part' to apply on my own kids their schooling structure, so they r focused n study, i will apply that technique on my kids on their study n school part and ensure they make friends with them.

I will scan muslim n arab households n see how much religion to add into the mix only to the point where it's positive not radical.

I will scan white ppl home n ask them their parenting style to create 'good morality' in my kids.

Then combine morality-school success-with religion to the point its not extreme. I'll add my own technique to take them travelling with me to explore the world and meet other kids so they can be global citizen when they grow up and relate to all cultures while havin their own.

I kinda admire Chinese parenting styles, they always keep their kids busy by signing them up for extracurricular activities. They always know where their kids are and never have I once seen a Chinese juvenile delinquent.
Now I wouldn't want my kids to take the same lessons like ballet, piano, and martial arts. I think I'd put them through coding and foreign language classes (+ duqsi, ofc).

 

[DR OSMAN]

The key to kids is they need 'advice' don't make the decisions for them, the advice u give must be an informed one(where u did research i said above) as no-one listens to ignorance

 

[DR OSMAN]

I kinda admire Chinese parenting styles, they always keep their kids busy by signing them up for extracurricular activities. They always know where their kids are and never have I once seen a Chinese juvenile delinquent.
Now I wouldn't want me kids to take the same lessons like ballet, piano, and martial arts. I think I'd put them through coding and foreign language classes (+ duqsi, ofc).

Becareful u do not take negative aspects of non somali culture is the key, if u don't see a positive outcome, leave it behind, don't repeat it. As for dugsi be very careful it's not radical and it's one kids having fun while learning it, only teach them to a necessary point. Im still undecided if it's better u teach them a litttle of while their young or later when their brain has developed thru schooling. Remember they have small brains dont over-feed it or else that cud lead to problems. Knowledge is like food, put small pieces in their brain bit by bit only. Once they reached enough knowledge, dont force more, ask them if they want more, u done ur duty religiously without impacting their free will. Thats why islam is crap today becuz they forced kids to study it who dont have a passion for it and only doing it cuz their parents put them thru it by force

 

[DR OSMAN]

@astronaut I know i will not make decisions for my kids or what's the point of them living and not having their own decisions, advice is only what I will do. The other thing is I am going to teach them other people faith, cultures thru travel. I want them prepared to know 'beliefs' are not just islam nor is the world just somali culture and they need to learn to co-exist. Any1 can hold a belief or disbelief, i will take them to those ppl to know their side of the story also. They will be well informed by the time their in college is my goal wat decisions they make is up to them tho.

 

[DR OSMAN]

@astronaut u cant let your kids be blinded by your set of biases, this sows 'doubt' in them as they enter the world as adults, u r responsible to ensure they have the correct set of knowledge to be well informed and can co-exist with ppl who do not share the same culture, opinion, idea, beliefs or disbeliefs or politics or u will be setting them up for conflict with others and thus hurt their chances in being successful in life in what they choose.

 

[astronaut]

@DR OSMAN

I know you're not supposed to keep your kids in a bubble. I won't push my children but I will nudge them gently. Teaching them to steer clear of untrustworthy and corrupting people.

 

[DR OSMAN]

@DR OSMAN

I know you're not supposed to keep your kids in a bubble. I won't push my children but I will nudge them gently. Teaching them to steer clear of untrustworthy and corrupting people.

U do the scanning for them where u see negative outcomes no matter what culture or religion, remove that from ur household

 

[DR OSMAN]

@DR OSMAN

I know you're not supposed to keep your kids in a bubble. I won't push my children but I will nudge them gently. Teaching them to steer clear of untrustworthy and corrupting people.

Plus they won't respect u if u keep em in your bubble when they become adults, questioning what else u were wrong about, ma garatay? and disrespecting n disregarding your advice on those grounds