How Many Years after Marriage is Ideal to Have Children?

[Hodan from HR]

I shied from dating coz of how quickly somali men propose. I always thought marriage equals to babies esp in our community. So it felt wrong to led on someone's son when I am not ready for motherhood. But I also want to enjoy all the other perks that comes with being in a halal marriage; having a trusted friend, a lover, travel buddy etc you feel me?

Anyways, is 5 years too long to wait having babies? How many years would you say is ideal?

 

[canjeeroiyoshah]

Five years is way too long, I think 3 years max but even then that's not realistic. 1-2 years of baashaal is all you need, after that you need to preheat that oven to 400 and get it ready ma garatey.

 

[Febbie]

5 years is fine if you are in your early 20s. Most females in our family when they married waited 2yrs of living together, a few holidays as a couple then started a family.

Different for each couples. Never feel pressured to have kids when you're not ready. Bad for you, your spouse and the child. Always be in the right mental & financial space before you start a family.

 

[Basra]

I shied from dating coz of how quickly somali men propose. I always thought marriage equals to babies esp in our community. So it felt wrong to led on someone's son when I am not ready for motherhood. But I also want to enjoy all the other perks that comes with being in a halal marriage; having a trusted friend, a lover, travel buddy etc you feel me?

Anyways, is 5 years too long to wait having babies? How many years would you say is ideal?

Yes 5 years is too long. The sooner u marry, the sooner u should be pregnant. Periodt

 

[Goodbye ✌]

I think married couples should wait at least one year until trying because you never really know your partner fully until you live with them. However, I am 24 Alhamdullilah so I don’t feel pressure. Ideally I’d like to have children in my late 20s (27+) inshallah.

 

[Taij4an]

I shied from dating coz of how quickly somali men propose. I always thought marriage equals to babies esp in our community. So it felt wrong to led on someone's son when I am not ready for motherhood. But I also want to enjoy all the other perks that comes with being in a halal marriage; having a trusted friend, a lover, travel buddy etc you feel me?

Anyways, is 5 years too long to wait having babies? How many years would you say is ideal?

Depends what your view on life is.
Do you just want to enjoy life?
Do you have a deeper reason for doing stuff?
Why do you want to get married in the first place?
Are you ready to sacrifice your entire life and luxury and easy life for a child for the rest of your life?

 

[canjeeroiyoshah]

Depends what your view on life is.
Do you just want to enjoy life?
Do you have a deeper reason for doing stuff?
Why do you want to get married in the first place?
Are you ready to sacrifice your entire life and luxury and easy life for a child for the rest of your life?

Really good questions, raising children is not easy. I have a lot of respect for mothers wale they are the real MVPs.

 

[Badboy4life]

9 months

 

[Abdisamad]

Why don't want to have kids or wait for that long?

 

[Abdisamad]

I think kids should be planned and you should have kids when you feel, emotionally, physically and also economically ready to have kids otherwise it might put a strain on your marriage also be sure of your husband choice that he's not someone who's a quitter and would quit on you when things get difficult with kids.

 

[Cajiib]

I may have things I would want to do as far as my plan is concerned but I would be happy with it whenever it happens. I used to be more hesitant when I didn’t see myself being a mother. Laakiin, I have changed my tune lately. I have become more content with the qadr of Allah as I have grown older Alxamdulilah. I see no point in wanting to intentionally delay it. Kids don’t stop you from traveling or enjoying life.

 

[Taij4an]

Kids don’t stop you from traveling or enjoying life.

Tbh they acc do stop all of those things. They make everything difficult, u wont even get a proper nights sleep, wont even have any free time for yourself for most of your life let alone for u marriage.
When u have kids u are sacrificing your whole life, U just gotta accept it.

 

[canjeeroiyoshah]

Tbh they acc do stop all of those things. They make everything difficult, u wont even get a proper nights sleep, wont even have any free time for yourself for most of your life let alone for u marriage.
When u have kids u are sacrificing your whole life, U just gotta accept it.

Facts, especially for a mother, the only time they get a break is when they put them to bed and even then that's short lived like you said.

Father's have to do more imo when they're home, inshallah I will be that kind of dad.

 

[Taij4an]

Facts, especially for a mother, the only time they get a break is when they put them to bed and even then that's short lived like you said.

Father's have to do more imo when they're home, inshallah I will be that kind of dad.

Even if the dad does the most he can it will still be a massive sacrifice for both parents.
You are both sacrificing your entire life for this child, this is why most people especially in the west don't raise there children properly and don't even want children, because they aren't ready the the massive struggle of properly raising children.

 

[Ahmed123-]

The night of the wedding

 

[Hodan from HR]

Depends what your view on life is.
Do you just want to enjoy life?
Do you have a deeper reason for doing stuff?
Why do you want to get married in the first place?
Are you ready to sacrifice your entire life and luxury and easy life for a child for the rest of your life?

Why don't want to have kids or wait for that long?

My 2 reasons;

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When the timing is right, I would love to have my own biological children as well as adopt, inshallah

 

[lilmoon]

I shied from dating coz of how quickly somali men propose. I always thought marriage equals to babies esp in our community. So it felt wrong to led on someone's son when I am not ready for motherhood. But I also want to enjoy all the other perks that comes with being in a halal marriage; having a trusted friend, a lover, travel buddy etc you feel me?

Anyways, is 5 years too long to wait having babies? How many years would you say is ideal?

Whenever you're prepared is the answer, but you also need to be rational on the sense that you can't decide to have a baby in your 40's, because of the supposed health risks, and you also can't be doing this before you finish uni, because you need to get you're life together just in case he is a piece of xaar and wants to leave you, you need some f*ck u funds, alright? But honestly, trust your gut and choose whenever is best for you, physically and mentally.

 

[lilmoon]

Tbh they acc do stop all of those things. They make everything difficult, u wont even get a proper nights sleep, wont even have any free time for yourself for most of your life let alone for u marriage.
When u have kids u are sacrificing your whole life, U just gotta accept it.

But at least it's for the sake of Allah, people shouldn't see children as a waste of time or some object that leeching their life away from them, honestly, people should have children for the sake of Allah, and that's when they'll be raised properly.

 

[lilmoon]

I may have things I would want to do as far as my plan is concerned but I would be happy with it whenever it happens. I used to be more hesitant when I didn’t see myself being a mother. Laakiin, I have changed my tune lately. I have become more content with the qadr of Allah as I have grown older Alxamdulilah. I see no point in wanting to intentionally delay it. Kids don’t stop you from traveling or enjoying life.

Walaal can I just say something:
I apologize so much because I thought you were a man. Astaghfirullah Allah forgive me

 

[Bebsi]

I heard if family from both sides find your not expecting 3 months in they ask questions.

Especially if your both Somali.