Women/ physically there but emotionally absent father.

I am now realizing how this affected me when it comes to my romantic life. I spent my whole life trying to have a relationship with my father over comprising begging. I am ashamed to say I did the same with men. I accepted the least effort from them and got treated like 💩 by them. I wish i can sucker punch every guy I’ve ever dated looking back none of them deserved one minute of my attention.I’ve never lost my self respects always knew deep down something was wrong and I derserved better. after soul searching I’ve finally found myself. The thing is I am now in my early 30/s I’ve given up on the idea of marriage i am ok with it I see it as a form of protection with the way marriage has become i dont feel like I am missing much. I am content. Despite all this I love my father maybe this is a lesson for me if I ever have girls end up married I’ll make sure their dad has a relationship with each and everyone them if i do ever get married that is.
 

AbdiGaalDoon

✝️ | Telling the truth can be lonely | ALM | LGB
Staff Member
It's likely those men you dated also have emotionally distant fathers which made them act that way towards you.

I would advise you to hug and kiss your dad whenever you see him, especially considering he's entering his older years. It may feel weird since he's not familiar with it but he will appreciate you doing so. Emotionally distant people did not get much (if any) affection all their lives. I wouldn't be too hard on him as that is the way he grew up. You can break that cycle for your future generations. Hug and kiss and be loving to your kids everyday so they can do the same to theirs.

Not every man you meet will be cruel to you, even if they grew up with emotionally distant families. Go out there and meet new people. You will meet jerks but you'll find someone who is a catch after talking to 5-10 guys. If they are emotionally distant too, break that cycle with that person too.
 

Pwyneth Galtrow

𐒁𐒚𐒒 💙☆💚 𐒂𐒘𐒂𐒗
VIP
It's good you recognise your pattern of behaviour and its root cause. Now you can heal.
As for marriage, being in your early 30s is young and even if you were in your early 40s/50s/60s or whatever, never give up on Allah's provision, because that's what marriage is- provision and all human beings are given their share. Just work on yourself and ask Allah for what you need and truly believe you will receive it when it is your time.

I hate how society has told women they are not desirable after the age of 30, please don't internalise what hateful and insecure men say. These weirdos on the internet like to lower women's self-esteem so that women settle for trash.

In reality, Somali women in their 40s/50s etc, remarry all the time, even if they have multiple children and are on their 2nd or 3rd divorce, lol.
 
Last edited:

Hot Ballah

I do something called "what I want"
2021 GRANDMASTER
VIP
It's likely those men you dated also have emotionally distant fathers which made them act that way towards you.

I would advise you to hug and kiss your dad whenever you see him, especially considering he's entering his older years. It may feel weird since he's not familiar with it but he will appreciate you doing so. Emotionally distant people did not get much (if any) affection all their lives. I wouldn't be too hard on him as that is the way he grew up. You can break that cycle for your future generations. Hug and kiss and be loving to your kids everyday so they can do the same to theirs.

Not every man you meet will be cruel to you, even if they grew up with emotionally distant families. Go out there and meet new people. You will meet jerks but you'll find someone who is a catch after talking to 5-10 guys. If they are emotionally distant too, break that cycle with that person too.
Totally sane advice you give for once.
 

Hot Ballah

I do something called "what I want"
2021 GRANDMASTER
VIP
I am now realizing how this affected me when it comes to my romantic life. I spent my whole life trying to have a relationship with my father over comprising begging. I am ashamed to say I did the same with men. I accepted the least effort from them and got treated like 💩 by them. I wish i can sucker punch every guy I’ve ever dated looking back none of them deserved one minute of my attention.I’ve never lost my self respects always knew deep down something was wrong and I derserved better. after soul searching I’ve finally found myself. The thing is I am now in my early 30/s I’ve given up on the idea of marriage i am ok with it I see it as a form of protection with the way marriage has become i dont feel like I am missing much. I am content. Despite all this I love my father maybe this is a lesson for me if I ever have girls end up married I’ll make sure their dad has a relationship with each and everyone them if i do ever get married that is.
lol early 30s is still young. Cadaans and most westerners often get married in their late 30s.

Even in Somalia it’s very common too. Only on this forum will they lie and say that it’s over past the age of 30.
 

SonOfMaverick

"I don’t live in darkness, darkness lives in me."
lol early 30s is still young. Cadaans and most westerners often get married in their late 30s.

Even in Somalia it’s very common too. Only on this forum will they lie and say that it’s over past the age of 30.
Married to the money, f*ck the world, that's adultery

- Lil Wayne :cool:
 
lol early 30s is still young. Cadaans and most westerners often get married in their late 30s.

Even in Somalia it’s very common too. Only on this forum will they lie and say that it’s over past the age of 30.
I am honestly unbothered by my age and what people have to say about it. Age is a blessing. What I am extremely embarrassed by my behavior with men. alhamdulilah I never did anything haram or had a baby them.
 
I think for girls they need a father for a different reason than boys do.

I feel ''daddy issues'' ''fatherless behavior'' have a become a bit of trope and a drag, but there is grain of truth to it, that girls who are missing that platonic male relationship with their father will try to look for more of that from other men and are more likely unable to interact with any man on a platonic level and have to sexualize things.
 
I think for girls they need a father for a different reason than boys do.

I feel ''daddy issues'' ''fatherless behavior'' have a become a bit of trope and a drag, but there is grain of truth to it, that girls who are missing that platonic male relationship with their father will try to look for more of that from other men and are more likely unable to interact with any man on a platonic level and have to sexualize things.
I don’t have problem being platonic with men intact sometimes I am overly friendly that I forget am speaking to a man lol that’s when I stop myself.
 

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