I'm sick and tired of your hearing your complaints and how depressing your life is. Instead of acting suicidal, why don't you work out in the gym and get a better physique? If you got bidaar, make yourself bald and grow a beard. Stop thinking about women and focus on making money and improving your life quality. Also, believe in Allah and become a better Muslim then you'll see some major improvements in your life. Women nowadays mostly care about physique, money and personality so you'll have your chance, don't worry.