The community infleunce on my lil bro

[Izzy77]

Alhamdulilah my lil bro has never been a follower or someone who copies the flow of other kids around him. But i do fear the community he is in(which i stopped interacting with but as he is young he has friends in there). I dont know a single teenager who was successful in high school or a person who doesnt act immature apart from the grown. All the ciyaal between 13-21 are finished in their behaviour and have no motivation in becoming anything no joke. i have higher hopes for him he is smart and aware, But i do feel like he is heading down a bad path of being lazy in school, playing games all day and all he does is wish to play with this kids which their own family isnt even somthing to look upon. Many of the kids he is friends with their elder sibling are nothing to even be proud of i fear he may develop their shit habits.

If he was around kids who were better he wouldn't play as much games or care about dumb stuff like going to motives and caring more about his school i reckon.

At 11 years old about to start high school should i remove him from there in hopes he doesnt become like these ciyaal suuq and dropout kids.
Or leave him alone so he doesnt become lonely and inshallah he is able to learn from challenges and later on realise what he wants to do in life.

 

[Lebron James]

Remove him from there bro, high school is where people change for the good or for the bad. If he fucks up in high school it'll be tough to get into good colleges and get a career later on, the risk is too big. Hes about to start tho he can make friends easily at a new school its not like he was a senior or in his 3rd year of high school that would've been awkward.

If he continues hanging out with bad friends he will end up becoming a degenerate this always happens. I never seen a group of ciyaal suuqs have 1 good kid in it they all mimick eachother. If you throw a fresh apple in a bag of rotten apples it will rot aswell

 

[Cajiib]

Alhamdulilah my lil bro has never been a follower or someone who copies the flow of other kids around him. But i do fear the community he is in(which i stopped interacting with but as he is young he has friends in there). I dont know a single teenager who was successful in high school or a person who doesnt act immature apart from the grown. All the ciyaal between 13-21 are finished in their behaviour and have no motivation in becoming anything no joke. i have higher hopes for him he is smart and aware, But i do feel like he is heading down a bad path of being lazy in school, playing games all day and all he does is wish to play with this kids which their own family isnt even somthing to look upon. Many of the kids he is friends with their elder sibling are nothing to even be proud of i fear he may develop their shit habits.

If he was around kids who were better he wouldn't play as much games or care about dumb stuff like going to motives and caring more about his school i reckon.

At 11 years old about to start high school should i remove him from there in hopes he doesnt become like these ciyaal suuq and dropout kids.
Or leave him alone so he doesnt become lonely and inshallah he is able to learn from challenges and later on realise what he wants to do in life.

You sound like a very caring older sibling. Maa shaa Allah.

I had similar worry for my sister. I would say move out of the areas. Besides moving away, what can you do? Ban him from seeing his friends? He may do the opposite and rebel then.
Does he have male role models in his life? He needs people that he respects that he can look up to. And don’t forgot to make dua to Allah for his guidance and protection.

 

[Izzy77]

You sound like a very caring older sibling. Maa shaa Allah.

I had similar worry for my sister. I would say move out of the areas. Besides moving away, what can you do? Ban him from seeing his friends? He may do the opposite and rebel then.
Does he have male role models in his life? He needs people that he respects that he can look up to. And don’t forgot to make dua to Allah for his guidance and protection.

Its very easy to remove tbh

I just go to stop him from going to community activities and stop him playing playstation
even though he will be very restless for a couple weeks and be quite angry lmao. But its something he has to deal with anyways.

 

[Hodan from HR]

@Izzy77
Removing your younger brother from a familiar environment and/or taking away activities he enjoys will cause resentment. It'll bring the opposite outcome of what you are seeking, not motivated to study and seeking out other problematic kids in his new school.

My advice; spend more time with him, do activities he enjoys like watch movies or play games together. It will keep him preoccupied from seeking bad company and strengthen your sibling bond. If you can't do this because you have other commitments, you and your family should take turns. The key is to not leave him on his own and be lonely which causes this behavior.

 

[Hodan from HR]

Another thing;

Children especially younger siblings adore their older siblings. They look up to us, want to be like us and love us unconditionally. Always remember you are his sibling not his parent. Don't scold him or punish him when he does wrong which he will. You want to nurture a friendship typa relationship so that he can easily talk about his struggles with you the older he gets.

 

[Cajiib]

Its very easy to remove tbh

I just go to stop him from going to community activities and stop him playing playstation
even though he will be very restless for a couple weeks and be quite angry lmao. But its something he has to deal with anyways.

Do more positive reinforcement than negative. That works better. Trust me. And think about the mercy, patience and understanding you would want to be treated with. Then, show him that.

 

[Nak-Muay-Kru]

Get him the f*ck out of there if you're able to wallahi. Your peers shape your behaviour more than your family does at that age. I'm not sure if you're a farax, but you need to get him into a combat sport boxing/mma/muay thai, anything. And let him hang around with you and your friends occassionally so he doesn't idolize loser dickheads. Don't worry about him being lonely, most zoomers interact over social media anyway.

 

[Izzy77]

Another thing;

Children especially younger siblings adore their older siblings. They look up to us, want to be like us and love us unconditionally. Always remember you are his sibling not his parent. Don't scold him or punish him when he does wrong which he will. You want to nurture a friendship typa relationship so that he can easily talk about his struggles with you the older he gets.

I dont live with my father my mother is already the nurturer and he gets babied by anything i dont see the point nurturing him when he needs direct facts.

For nearly my whole childhood i was nurtured never was tested or treated like a grown person this obviously was a disadvantage when i started highschool cause i didnt know how to deal with criticism or conflict.

I dont think nurturing from my part will do anything but mask his shit habits and mentality

Ive already tried being nice or nurturing but he becomes worse plus im not a female

He isnt some ciyaal through some brother time he will become appreciative and do things which are good for him but he takes advantage of it like wasting time instead of doing something or uses as some way to achieve to buy something because he knows im trying to be nice idk but he is manipulative.

 

[Hodan from HR]

I dont live with my father my mother is already the nurturer and he gets babied by anything i dont see the point nurturing him when he needs direct facts.

For nearly my whole childhood i was nurtured never was tested or treated like a grown person this obviously was a disadvantage when i started highschool cause i didnt know how to deal with criticism or conflict.

I dont think nurturing from my part will do anything but mask his shit habits and mentality

Ive already tried being nice or nurturing but he becomes worse plus im not a female

He isnt some ciyaal through some brother time he will become appreciative and do things which are good for him but he takes advantage of it like wasting time instead of doing something or uses as some way to achieve to buy something because he knows im trying to be nice idk but he is manipulative.

I see walal.
My approach could be biased since I have little sisters and this works. Boys may require tough love or so I hear..

You said your aabo is not in your life.
I can imagine the extra pressure you have, to be a good male role model to your baby brother
If you have to take him to the new school, explain to him why you are doing this. Tell him that it is not a punishment but you observed this and that. That you love him and worry about his future. You want him to do well in school and have a stable future. Basically what you wrote on your OP.

Explain to him before changing schools.
Even if he is not happy, it is crucial he hears this. The key here is to be firm with your decisions but gentle in your approach

 

[Cajiib]

I dont live with my father my mother is already the nurturer and he gets babied by anything i dont see the point nurturing him when he needs direct facts.

For nearly my whole childhood i was nurtured never was tested or treated like a grown person this obviously was a disadvantage when i started highschool cause i didnt know how to deal with criticism or conflict.

I dont think nurturing from my part will do anything but mask his shit habits and mentality

Ive already tried being nice or nurturing but he becomes worse plus im not a female

He isnt some ciyaal through some brother time he will become appreciative and do things which are good for him but he takes advantage of it like wasting time instead of doing something or uses as some way to achieve to buy something because he knows im trying to be nice idk but he is manipulative.

Look at how Nabi Muhammad ‏صلى الله عليه وسلم treated people especially youth. Your brother isn’t behaving bad because you’re being caring/gentle to him. He could be acting out for many reasons. Don’t go to the other extreme of being like an askari because you don’t want to seem too nurturing. Be in the middle and use your judgement for when to show more tough love.

 

[Izzy77]

Look at how Nabi Muhammad ‏صلى الله عليه وسلم treated people especially youth. Your brother isn’t behaving bad because you’re being caring/gentle to him. He could be acting out for many reasons. Don’t go to the other extreme of being like an askari because you don’t want to seem too nurturing. Be in the middle and use your judgement for when to show more tough love.

Thank you walaal I will try

 

[Izzy77]

I see walal.
My approach could be biased since I have little sisters and this works. Boys may require tough love or so I hear..

You said your aabo is not in your life.
I can imagine the extra pressure you have, to be a good male role model to your baby brother
If you have to take him to the new school, explain to him why you are doing this. Tell him that it is not a punishment but you observed this and that. That you love him and worry about his future. You want him to do well in school and have a stable future. Basically what you wrote on your OP.

Explain to him before changing schools.
Even if he is not happy, it is crucial he hears this. The key here is to be firm with your decisions but gentle in your approach

He ain’t changing schools but I get what u mean it’s interesting to hear perspective

 

[Grimmer]

Put your little brother in sports and if he ends up liking one he’ll put all his focus in it. In order to play the sport he likes he needs to keep his grades up otherwise he can’t play. Completely take away the play station for a month and see what he does. I did that to my little brother and he started playing basketball a lot more. If you have a big family surround him with good cousins his age because at the end of the day you know their family. 11 years old is really young and that age he can’t really go against your word. It gets really tough once they hit their growth spurt and puberty. You got to be the one to discipline him since your father isn’t around to do it, if you don’t he’ll have no boundaries set for him. Tough love is the only way with hard headed kids with no father figure in their life.

 

[Taij4an]

Alhamdulilah my lil bro has never been a follower or someone who copies the flow of other kids around him. But i do fear the community he is in(which i stopped interacting with but as he is young he has friends in there). I dont know a single teenager who was successful in high school or a person who doesnt act immature apart from the grown. All the ciyaal between 13-21 are finished in their behaviour and have no motivation in becoming anything no joke. i have higher hopes for him he is smart and aware, But i do feel like he is heading down a bad path of being lazy in school, playing games all day and all he does is wish to play with this kids which their own family isnt even somthing to look upon. Many of the kids he is friends with their elder sibling are nothing to even be proud of i fear he may develop their shit habits.

If he was around kids who were better he wouldn't play as much games or care about dumb stuff like going to motives and caring more about his school i reckon.

At 11 years old about to start high school should i remove him from there in hopes he doesnt become like these ciyaal suuq and dropout kids.
Or leave him alone so he doesnt become lonely and inshallah he is able to learn from challenges and later on realise what he wants to do in life.

Fix yourself first then ur little brother if u fix urself up u can be a role model to him