Somalis and the more children is better mindset.

Asalam Walaykum everyone, I wanted us to have a open discussion without judgment about children in our culture.
While I was married I lived in a apartment with many other Somali families and became close with some of the women there, in particular one who we’ll call Muna. We ended up being good friends and she would give me the tea on motherhood and the reality of childraising, that I feel is not discussed prior to marriage and amongst our people.

No offence, but since being a mother and seeing the reality of what it’s like to raise a child, and being around other mothers, I often see and hear from people who are childless making comments about child raising that is very fantasy like and not realistic.

I wish more people asked their hoyoos and older female relatives on what it’s truly like mentally and the psychical toll it takes to raised children.

I have seen first hand women who have opened up to me about how depressed and sad they were about the kids they have and wished they could go back to just one or two, but to others they brag about their wonderful children.
There was even a hoyoo in our building who was depressed ( crying all the times while her kids were asleep ) and suicidal having her kids, who she had back to back. She and I had our sons around the same time, but she also had a 2 and a 1 year old.

But in our culture, we are told ( as was I ) that post partum depression isn’t real and that we shouldn’t complain and talk about it.

Her husband and friends all told her brith control is haram, she couldn’t speak good English to go to the doctors herself to ask for secret birth control, so once people found out she was suicidal, they took her to the doctors but it was too late and she was already 2 months pregnant. So she now has 4 kids when she couldn’t mentally handle the 3 she had.

So when one woman is smart enough to know she can’t handle raising kids, and to stop at one or two, she is judged immensely without people knowing the truth behind her reason.

Some women have health risks that make it difficult to even carry more children, so when people ask and assume she selfish, it’s not fair on the mother.

So many hoyoos have opened up to me how they mentally couldn’t handle their kids and the painful physical health implications they had while having so many that it’s scary that this isn’t talked about and I would like peoples opinion on this.

This is not the case with every mother, but hearing about these stories from the women around me makes me wonder why this isn’t more discussed.
 
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Because if a lot people knew the reality they would opt out of having children. We are lied to so we can fullfill our parent's wishes lol in other words it is a trap. Seriously though i love children i want to have atleast 5 God willing.
 
Because if a lot people knew the reality they would opt out of having children. We are lied to so we can fullfill our parent's wishes lol in other words it is a trap. Seriously though i love children i want to have atleast 5 God willing.
I just want women to go into this with the full knowledge and a good mindset, so they can take the necessary routes to handle the twists that can come their way, and thus be better able to handle it, since they got the proper information.

And InshaAllah you have the healthy children you want.
 
I just want women to go into this with the full knowledge and a good mindset, so they can take the necessary routes to handle the twists that can come their way, and thus be better able to handle it, since they got the proper information.

And InshaAllah you have the healthy children you want.
Amin. I am ready 🤪
 
When I lived in Europe I used to cringe when I'd see these tired hooyo's dragging 8 crying kids through Tesco. But behind those devilish kids is delicious government money and a nice villa somewhere in Somalia. We are a greedy ignorant group of people. We curse the gaalo while eating their hard earned money
 
When I lived in Europe I used to cringe when I'd see these tired hooyo's dragging 8 crying kids through Tesco. But behind those devilish kids is delicious government money and a nice villa somewhere in Somalia. We are a greedy ignorant group of people. We curse the gaalo while eating their hard earned money
Oh my goodness lmaooooo where does this not happen ? Here in Alberta, you’ll see a hoyoo with 5-7 screaming bae bae kids in a Tim Hortons, acting without a care in world, then later on pile them into the mini van.

Here in Canada depending on the province, they get like 200-500 per kid and these ladies don’t got to even work and get like a delicious sweet check of 2500 or more every month based on how many kids you get, and how low income you are.
How many of these ladies will curse and damn the gaalo but take their money at the same time ?
 

Maxamed bin Harti

#Puntexit
VIP
It’s our landheere/langaab culture. Men with 1-2 kids are seen like something is wrong with them. I rather raise 2 children well than having 10 kids which couple of them might end up losers in this dunya and Akhira.
 
It’s our landheere/langaab culture. Men with 1-2 kids are seen like something is wrong with them. I rather raise 2 children well than having 10 kids which couple of them might end up losers in this dunya and Akhira.
That’s what I always say, is that it’s better to be a parent with a good healthy mindset with a few children, then to raise a bunch you can’t handle, just because everyone else in the culture is doing it.
 
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Sophisticate

Staff Member
Neither of my parents wanted a lot of children. Both are well-educated and not traditional in this respect. I would say they depart from this mindset. They spent several decades abroad. The more children you have the less individualized time you can spend with them.

And we're not exactly back home so there is less support unless your children end up taking care of each other. I suppose having a lot of kids may pay out in old age and if most end up successful but there were invariably be some trade-offs. Like it will take a toll on your body.
 
Part of the reason i want to have atleast 5 is out of lonliness really i also have a need to give a lot of love to someone i never use to have this urge until now. I use to run away from anyone that mentioned anything about being married or having kids. Now i honestly can not wait. I avoided it because i didnt want to ruin innocent child's life now i know what i want out of life. I ask my dad for his prayers already. May Allah guide us make us loving parents.
 
When I lived in Europe I used to cringe when I'd see these tired hooyo's dragging 8 crying kids through Tesco. But behind those devilish kids is delicious government money and a nice villa somewhere in Somalia. We are a greedy ignorant group of people. We curse the gaalo while eating their hard earned money
Hmm people who are on welfare are struggling. It really isnt much. Dont think that is a good reason to have children.
 
Part of the reason i want to have atleast 5 is out of lonliness really i also have a need to give a lot of love to someone i never use to have this urge until now. I use to run away from anyone that mentioned anything about being married or having kids. Now i honestly can not wait. I avoided it because i didnt want to ruin innocent child's life now i know what i want out of life. I ask my dad for his prayers already. May Allah guide us make us loving parents.
InshaAllah I wish for you to have your beautiful healthy children.

I am a childhood educator and I’ve learned and seen so much from the mothers who clearly love being mothers vs the ones who just think we glorified government babysitters and hate their kids lol.
 

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