For too long my observation has been that Somali parents in the West create very confused dynamics in their households. It is almost freudian in nature. The "mommy boy" and "daddy girl" reflex is very common and it has subtle long term damage if it is not corrected and relearnt abruptly. This is what typically happens,
Dads influence is held back a little by Mom who runs the house while he is out working or sleeping or eating
Boy X misbehaves infrequently, Dad has little time or patience to discipline him, Mom lets her baby boy get away lightly at times as he is just "growing into his shell" while quietly training young girl Y to do housework and to be well mannered
Few years later
Boy X childhood misbehaviour - if not subsided, is now retransformed to teenage/young adolescence rebellion or laziness. Dad has nearly given up on the boy. Mother is still a little protective. Some admonishment from her, here and there.
If subsided or the child diverts that bad behaviour towards good however, Father may be a bit relieved and lucky but this is where the mother, unbeknownst to many, goes wrong. She begins to seek more influence over her son. A sudden interest in his relationships and finances.
Girl Y meanwhile, has resentment building up in her hitting several years. Mom is increasingly stern with her. Dad, who has been hurt by his Sons distance or changes in his life, seeks solace in his mature daughter. He will spend on her financially and spend more time with her in this era. Again, unbeknownst to many, fathers go wrong here.
Now as to where the parents went wrong in the last 2 paragraphs, so the mother wants to protect or use her sons assets. She was light on him growing up and wants to enjoy the fruits of her patient labour. Boy X however, sees in his own perspective, that he was use to limitless behaviour, that he was not often restricted. He's not about to taste restriction now when the whole point of adulting is to be "free". Mother is upset despite Father advising her many times to let him go sooner to make his own mistakes and let him learn the hard way.
Girl Y is a little misled by her fathers actions. She thinks this 45yr old+ superhero is the bar for future suitors she meets in her 20s, not knowing he built his arc through fire, blood, sweat and tears. Poor girl Y becomes the care dependency, while her mother quietly urges her to move on with finding marriage, her Dad is just grateful for some peace in his ageing household and feels no guilt whatever happens to the girl.
We have to take the best of peoples and examples. Unfortunately the Prophets sons died in young age but we know how he treated his daughters.
Guys/husbands, keep the womans influence minimal and distant once the boys hits high skl, esp if she is soft. A woman can build a home for your son but she cannot build a future for him. Girls, stop your husband pampering your daughters too much or atleast make sure he makes them happy when very young and marries them off quickly as his own action call. No more diagonal parenting. Let the man install leadership in his son very early so he seeks to serve you than to escape you and let him marry off the daughter very early so he doesn't teach her to only seek his comfort, she should have her own equivalent "leadership" type struggle the boy faces. A typical struggle young married guys face is the propensity of married woman wanting to leave their husbands house to go stay with her parents. While its noble to see your fam, they are now secondary to her but her "care dependency lifestyle" drilled in her has confused her loyalties.
I say this all as a Mothers boy myself. Despite everything she did for me out of her love, even as her youngest son, i still ended up wishing she did not cloak me too much at times, it would make me blame her if things didn't go my way. Complete immaturity but this really happens. The World is a fucking cruel place not fit for a person to experience without a trial run of it. My Father AUN was a mans man. Mocked me like a stranger would in any moment of weakness and had no problem telling my bad business to concerned relatives to admonish me if i didn't listen. Somehow his behaviour was the bitter pill. The mothers soft approach is a silent mother fucking killer. She begs you to hoover and does it herself anyway. Father won't tell you to clean up, he'll simply kick you out or embarass you into doing it.
Dads influence is held back a little by Mom who runs the house while he is out working or sleeping or eating
Boy X misbehaves infrequently, Dad has little time or patience to discipline him, Mom lets her baby boy get away lightly at times as he is just "growing into his shell" while quietly training young girl Y to do housework and to be well mannered
Few years later
Boy X childhood misbehaviour - if not subsided, is now retransformed to teenage/young adolescence rebellion or laziness. Dad has nearly given up on the boy. Mother is still a little protective. Some admonishment from her, here and there.
If subsided or the child diverts that bad behaviour towards good however, Father may be a bit relieved and lucky but this is where the mother, unbeknownst to many, goes wrong. She begins to seek more influence over her son. A sudden interest in his relationships and finances.
Girl Y meanwhile, has resentment building up in her hitting several years. Mom is increasingly stern with her. Dad, who has been hurt by his Sons distance or changes in his life, seeks solace in his mature daughter. He will spend on her financially and spend more time with her in this era. Again, unbeknownst to many, fathers go wrong here.
Now as to where the parents went wrong in the last 2 paragraphs, so the mother wants to protect or use her sons assets. She was light on him growing up and wants to enjoy the fruits of her patient labour. Boy X however, sees in his own perspective, that he was use to limitless behaviour, that he was not often restricted. He's not about to taste restriction now when the whole point of adulting is to be "free". Mother is upset despite Father advising her many times to let him go sooner to make his own mistakes and let him learn the hard way.
Girl Y is a little misled by her fathers actions. She thinks this 45yr old+ superhero is the bar for future suitors she meets in her 20s, not knowing he built his arc through fire, blood, sweat and tears. Poor girl Y becomes the care dependency, while her mother quietly urges her to move on with finding marriage, her Dad is just grateful for some peace in his ageing household and feels no guilt whatever happens to the girl.
We have to take the best of peoples and examples. Unfortunately the Prophets sons died in young age but we know how he treated his daughters.
Guys/husbands, keep the womans influence minimal and distant once the boys hits high skl, esp if she is soft. A woman can build a home for your son but she cannot build a future for him. Girls, stop your husband pampering your daughters too much or atleast make sure he makes them happy when very young and marries them off quickly as his own action call. No more diagonal parenting. Let the man install leadership in his son very early so he seeks to serve you than to escape you and let him marry off the daughter very early so he doesn't teach her to only seek his comfort, she should have her own equivalent "leadership" type struggle the boy faces. A typical struggle young married guys face is the propensity of married woman wanting to leave their husbands house to go stay with her parents. While its noble to see your fam, they are now secondary to her but her "care dependency lifestyle" drilled in her has confused her loyalties.
I say this all as a Mothers boy myself. Despite everything she did for me out of her love, even as her youngest son, i still ended up wishing she did not cloak me too much at times, it would make me blame her if things didn't go my way. Complete immaturity but this really happens. The World is a fucking cruel place not fit for a person to experience without a trial run of it. My Father AUN was a mans man. Mocked me like a stranger would in any moment of weakness and had no problem telling my bad business to concerned relatives to admonish me if i didn't listen. Somehow his behaviour was the bitter pill. The mothers soft approach is a silent mother fucking killer. She begs you to hoover and does it herself anyway. Father won't tell you to clean up, he'll simply kick you out or embarass you into doing it.
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