How is this for a beginning of my Novel?????

[Basra]

The scotching, heat flame of Hargeisa sky can be seen zooming into a most conspicuous yellow building in the town of ilkaa Caase. A couple of thousand people who have lived there for a century. The family of Elmi Bodheri Gashaan lives in this yellow, newly built home. A Cousin of the family who lives in the united states has help his distant relatives build a home of their own. Mr. and Mrs Gashaan have three lovely beautiful daughters who are aged between 15 & 18. Although the family is poor, they managed to scrap some decor of economy in maintaining a decent lifestyle. The father was the local popular butcher, and the mother, former known as Samira Ali Baare of the Siyaad Baare fame was a house wife. She is a niece of the late President of Somalia, married a man who is complete opposite of her tribe. Their marriage is by all account happy. The Eldest Miss Gashaan is very pretty, her name Siyada in honor of her late uncle Siyaad Baare, is equally popular for her extremely beautiful blue eyes, matched with her rich chocoloate, caramel skin. Her dark Warsageli jet black hair and the rare breed of blue eyes, sets her apart at once upon a crowd of her small town. The second daughters Maryaan and Sumaya are of average beauty. Maryaan is the middle child, who has shown incredible interest in religion; very devoted to her Salat, and always indoors reading dua. Sumaya is more a quite computer genius. Since childhood, she has been fascinated by pulling apart computers and building them back together. She is the pride and joy of her father, while the eldest daughter is the joy and pride of her mother, who likes to boast about her rare beauty, escorting her to selected wedding parties where sons of dignitary men will be seen attending. Unfortunately for this dunya, the middle child Maryaan is not the pride and joy of either the parents, but fortunately she is the pride and joy of her God, her maker. Mrs Gashaaan's plan was to marry Siyada to her best friends son, who is the son of the Canadian Immigration Minister Ahmed Hussein. Both elder women have planned this to the last tidbit details. Little do they know that Siyada's heart has already be captured by the cousin who lives in the United States, and who built the house they now live in. Nasiib Gashaaan Zachariya was his name, a strong name of sensual ability. He is tall, elegant, but extremely ugly looking, however, he compensated the ugly looks with genius of mind, education, and family pedigree. His family is extremely wealthy in the United States. His family owned the Cell phone business in Hargeisa's Telecom. They also owned several oil companies in Dubai and Turkey. Siyada and Nasiib romantic evolution all happened in social media under the nose of their unsuspecting parents. Numerous exchanges of loves poems, and long, love lorn emails were exchanged. But everything was about to change, because Mr. Gashaan was about to fly to Hargeisa to break the news to his uncle and aunt, something that will surely break or make the dynamic family of the Elmi Bodheri Gashaaan Family! Will Mr and Mrs Gashaan risk losing the debt they owe to their nephew who build them their new home for exchange of their pretty daughter? Or will they lose everything for the happiness of their Siyada in marrying a rumored gorgeous son of the Canadian Immigration Minister son? Will there be a happy ending? What about the shocking twist of Maryaan Elmi Gashaan to the family in the end? Is this family ready for all the surprises of Life?







1 . Do you think this story is INTERESTING OR ATTENTION GRABBING?

2. What should be the title of the NOVEL?

3. Of the THREE DAUGHTERS--- which daughter story is worth writing more and focusing more do you think?

 

[MariaMaria]

I love the concept, sounds like it will make for a good story. The oldest who is the prettiest should have the most boy drama but story wise and character development wise, focus more the sister Maryaan, she is the middle child and people will root for her. Give a storyline outside of romance and marriage, something with a little danger and overcoming a problem. The youngest sounds like a side character.

Would this be the beginning of the book, as in the first chapter? because it sounds like a great blurb of a book to give a taste of the story but as the first chapter it goes through the characters way too quickly. Set the tone of the day and month more, when you choose a main character start with where she is in that moment. A good start is always someone travelling and arriving to their destination, feels like you are moving with them. Take you time to introduce people as the enter the scene.

Be sure to send me a free copy when you are done

 

[Basra]

I love the concept, sounds like it will make for a good story. The oldest who is the prettiest should have the most boy drama but story wise and character development wise, focus more the sister Maryaan, she is the middle child and people will root for her. Give a storyline outside of romance and marriage, something with a little danger and overcoming a problem. The youngest sounds like a side character.

Would this be the beginning of the book, as in the first chapter? because it sounds like a great blurb of a book to give a taste of the story but as the first chapter it goes through the characters way too quickly. Set the tone of the day and month more, when you choose a main character start with where she is in that moment. A good start is always someone travelling and arriving to their destination, feels like you are moving with them. Take you time to introduce people as the enter the scene.

Be sure to send me a free copy when you are done

Wow. I am impressed Maria. I actually think Maryaan is the most interesting character, i like your idea of making her like a girl in danger story line, like an action figure? lol I think the main plot of the story is marriage plot. Maryaan the middle child will win in the end because of her strong personality and faith. U r right in her over coming obstacle, that is actually brilliant. I was thinking of an irony marriage plot. Both parents want a meal ticket from the destitute state , so they banked on their pretty daughter. But it is the middle child who ends up marrying an actually prince of arabian country. Sumaya is a side character. I actually plan to kill off Siyada! lol


The surprise twist will be Maryaan actually being ignored, ends up marrying an arabian prince who stalked her, and fight hard to be loved by her. Her conditions was the prince be religious of course. So the story is more like , your priorities are God, and wealth will follow. All the family in the end will get this moral ending! lol

 

[MariaMaria]

Wow. I am impressed Maria. I actually think Maryaan is the most interesting character, i like your idea of making her like a girl in danger story line, like an action figure? lol I think the main plot of the story is marriage plot. Maryaan the middle child will win in the end because of her strong personality and faith. U r right in her over coming obstacle, that is actually brilliant. I was thinking of an irony marriage plot. Both parents want a meal ticket from the destitute state , so they banked on their pretty daughter. But it is the middle child who ends up marrying an actually prince of arabian country. Sumaya is a side character. I actually plan to kill off Siyada! lol


The surprise twist will be Maryaan actually being ignored, ends up marrying an arabian prince who stalked her, and fight hard to be loved by her. Her conditions was the prince be religious of course. So the story is more like , your priorities are God, and wealth will follow. All the family in the end will get this moral ending! lol

Brilliant!
I love that, that's a great storyline. Give Maryaan a hobby or something that gets her into these dangers situations, like she likes journalism and makes excuses all the time about where she going but she is actually out investigating criminals and corrupt politicians. Make the Prince arrogant which makes Maryaan dislike him at first, something like he constantly shows up and save her from her mess making her fall for him eventually.

 

[Naissur]

Many of these sentences feel like pages suppressed into a single sentence. One sentence introduce the family; the next jumps to a cousin of the family. Expand them. Take your time. Let the story tell itself. Also, you're doing something wrong to be already thinking of a title etc. Just continue to write for fun and to improve your writing.