AITA for not lying about why I could not remove my headscarf?
I have not been able to sleep over this, so I made a reddit just for a judgement! Thanks!
I(24F) am a bridesmaid for one of my closest friends, Jackie(24F). Ive been so excited to help! I was in charge of the bridal shower: the games, decorations, menu, I left the guest list to Jackie’s sister
Due to religious reasons, I wear a headscarf. I love and am proud of it. In the groupchat with other bridesmaids, I was talking about how excited I am to attend a girls only event. I recently dyed my hair and wanted to show it off. I even paid extra to ask for a girls only staff that day
Day of, as guests arrive I realize that one of them is Tori(26F). I know Tori as a family friend of Jackies, but the few times I met her, it was before her transition to female. I was aware of it but unaware she was coming to the shower. I dont mind at all ofc and shes a lovely person but I decided to keep my scarf on
As everyone’s eating later, Im passing by the tables to make sure everyone’s good and one of the bridesmaids mentioned that they hadnt gotten to see my hair and theyd wanted to see the change in person. I tried to dismiss it at first or say oh I’ll show you later. But the other girls at the table got curious. I got uncomfortable and I just said “Oh I’m actually not really comfortable taking it off right now” When pressed as to why, I said theres guests I don’t feel comfortable taking it off in front of. There was a collective “ohhh” and I thought cool thats over. But one girl got aggressive and asked if Im referring to Tori. Shes loud and other tables turn to look. I dont answer. the girl asks if I wear one around men, so I say yes. She says theres no men here so “clearly you should take it off”. I tell her again that Im keeping it on
Another bridesmaid defends me and tell the girl to chill out. Tori comes over and says me not taking it off is a slap in the face to her identity. Im just shocked and had no clue what to do
Eventually Tori and a few girls left saying they felt it was disrespectful. I feel awful that this ruined a beautiful day for my friend. Its causing more trouble with people threatening to leave the wedding over discrimination towards me or towards Tori
I dont think I was in the wrong. Just as Tori can be Tori, I can be me. I feel like it would be the equivalent of me making Tori or someone else adjust for me. I feel like we should just accept and respect each other, rather than be woke onesided
My question is more about being honest as to why I couldnt. Jackie is on my side, but Jackie’s sister is giving her hell for it. Saying she purposely left out that detail in the guest list to test me. Jackie says I shouldve brushed it off and said i was having a bad hair day or avoided giving an answer
I didnt ever mention Toris name in my answer, and I dont think my answer was rude, but seeing how much stress its causing Im thinking I should have made up a lie? AITA for how I handled the situation?
INFO: A lot of people are having an issue with the *woke onesided” comment. When i said no, Tori and a few others pushed it and Tori gave the ultimatum that I have to take it off as a sign of respect or they would leave. I said no. They ridiculed me, my faith, and even the bride and others for defending me. They were blatantly hateful towards my religion, and Jackie’s sister purposely arranged for this to happen.
For the religious standpoint, I am not aware of where she is in transitioning or what her sexual preferences are. I would never ask either, as that is personal. But that is information I would like before making a decision on how comfortable i feel with exposing my hair.
People are calling her transphobic and bigot in the comments.