Having no friends

[Qahwe]

I live with my family and Alhamdullilah, anytime I want to talk with anyone I can speak to my siblings or my parents. So I am not exactly lonely. I don’t have any friends since my early teens, and now I am in early twenties. I attend university and I always spent time by myself, I make myself busy by being on the phone or studying. In the beginning of my degree, my colleagues were curious about Somalia and I had the chance to be more engaging and make friends. But I did not, for example if I ever saw someone I saw yesterday, I would pretend I didn’t see them or ignore them purposefully which I think people would think I am too arrogant for them. Well, I am not close too being arrogant at all. I think I am a bit extra sensitive which my family told me I was, so I kinda actively avoid anything the triggers that sensitivity (I became aware of that recently).


Hoyoo thinks that I would grow of it one day and she gives my number to random girls she meets so I can get to know them which is weird and it never works (she has even booked a psychologist for me to see ). Aboo thinks it is great to not have friends and I have to focus on my goal and to stop crying about that issue. My younger sister is way different than me, she has a busy social life and mine is almost non-existent although our life experiences are somehow similar. The same with my other siblings they are so social and popular.

I would want to talk to someone around my age and at least have 2-3 close friends, but I don’t how to do that.

I am scared that I am gonna fail this semester although I used to get really high grades before because of this thing or maybe a lot of things. I am really mad that I am this weak, although theses issues never really mattered that much to me.

Are friendships important? How friends affected your life positively?

P.S. I don’t know if this is the right place to share this. But I want to know your opinions. Thank you!

 

[Chase]

Having friends isn't what it's cracked out to be, it's cool if you find someone you vibe with, but friendships in this day and age are more about fitting in/flexing on each other. Having genuine friends is nice, but I hate relying on them (people in general), I don't want to risk being disappointed or let down when it really matters.

 

[Kramer]

I had the chance to be more engaging and make friends. But I did not, for example if I ever saw someone I saw yesterday, I would pretend I didn’t see them or ignore them purposefully which I think people would think I am too arrogant for them.

you answered your own question, the world doesnt care if your sensitive saxiib, if your actively avoiding people it screams you have no social skills, this is gonna affect your school, your work, your love life etc. man-up and go talk to people. nothing more nothing less.

 

[Qahwe]

you answered your own question, the world doesnt care if your sensitive saxiib, if your actively avoiding people it screams you have no social skills, this is gonna affect your school, your work, your love life etc. man-up and go talk to people. nothing more nothing less.

Yep you are right

 

[Lebron James]

Focus on uni since you're struggling this semester. Friends will keep u busy and have you falling behind on work with all their planning

Go out during the summer after ur exams to events and socialize with people, sign up for clubs at the start of your school year aswell if they have that "club week" thing

 

[Jeghbamjdb]

Heh fkin loser.
I feel your pain man

 

[Qahwe]

I feel your pain man

I am a girl, but Good luck anyways

 

[Basra]

 

[Jeghbamjdb]

I am a girl, but Good luck anyways

I assume you don't know how to take jokes.

Probably why you don't have friends.

 

[Qahwe]

I assume you don't know how to take jokes.

Probably why you don't have friends.

Nope, I can take jokes (I make jokes and it is my sort of defense mechanism) but I didn’t like what you said (the part I deleted in my reply and not what you blurred), if it’s okay to you then not me and not during these times. I was respectful in my post. But anyways I am leaving this site for good. I hope there was some sort of delete option for this thread.

 

[Waa-Aniga]

Neither do I. I used to back in my haydays not anymore.

 

[Indeed]

I live with my family and Alhamdullilah, anytime I want to talk with anyone I can speak to my siblings or my parents. So I am not exactly lonely. I don’t have any friends since my early teens, and now I am in early twenties. I attend university and I always spent time by myself, I make myself busy by being on the phone or studying. In the beginning of my degree, my colleagues were curious about Somalia and I had the chance to be more engaging and make friends. But I did not, for example if I ever saw someone I saw yesterday, I would pretend I didn’t see them or ignore them purposefully which I think people would think I am too arrogant for them. Well, I am not close too being arrogant at all. I think I am a bit extra sensitive which my family told me I was, so I kinda actively avoid anything the triggers that sensitivity (I became aware of that recently).


Hoyoo thinks that I would grow of it one day and she gives my number to random girls she meets so I can get to know them which is weird and it never works (she has even booked a psychologist for me to see ). Aboo thinks it is great to not have friends and I have to focus on my goal and to stop crying about that issue. My younger sister is way different than me, she has a busy social life and mine is almost non-existent although our life experiences are somehow similar. The same with my other siblings they are so social and popular.

I would want to talk to someone around my age and at least have 2-3 close friends, but I don’t how to do that.

I am scared that I am gonna fail this semester although I used to get really high grades before because of this thing or maybe a lot of things. I am really mad that I am this weak, although theses issues never really mattered that much to me.

Are friendships important? How friends affected your life positively?

P.S. I don’t know if this is the right place to share this. But I want to know your opinions. Thank you!

Imagine if you stopped using your phone for a month? Imagine how socialable you would become?

This smartphone era made us unsociable, which we have seen now in increased in loneliness, depression, and anxiety. Look back at those videos on YouTube, the good old days of 90s, 2000s, and the early 2010s, look how social able everyone was, everyone had the sense of togetherness etc. unfortunately nowadays it’s isolated through technological world of social media and smartphone addiction.

what I recommend you is to, lower your smartphone usage, delete your social media which is toxic, and go outside enjoy the nature etc, go have a walk. Trust me your mentality will improve dramatically and you will now want a normal healthy dopamine release activities through being social (In real life) and day to day situation. You will gain real friends etc. I wish you the best.

 

[tariq moses]

I used to be like this when I was a little kid, I was extremely shy and timid and didn't feel comfortable around anyone who wasn't immediate family, thank God my parents pushed me to socialise when I was younger which helped me get out of that. I think you need to do the same and place yourself outside your comfort zone, I can relate to your situation so I understand how hard that might sound you'll feel so relieved once you take that first step and there is really no other way around it. Good luck with everything.

 

[Hmohamed54]

Im 22 turning 23, I have “friends” but I don’t hang out with them. I see them at the masjid and we talk here and there sometimes but nothing more. I’m quiet and keep to myself, but my father thinks I’m not ok like something wrong with me. He calls me sometimes and tries to find something to argue about or to find something I’m not perfect at. My mother is amazing, and she loves my qualities and thinks its a gift from Allah (alhamduillah). I don’t get along with my dad but we make it work sometimes, but I still love him.

Best friends are overrated and are not real. The only person who got your back is Allah, parents, and a loving pious spouse.

 

[Hmohamed54]

You don’t have to change yourself. Sheikh on YouTube are calling shy reserved muslims, sick in the head and telling them they will go to jahanam is hysteria. Don’t become anti social tho, greet people, look them in the eye, be a good listener, and ask good questions.

 

[Hmohamed54]

The most depressed people I’ve meet in life were people who had a lot of friends when they were young then grew up to find out those friends arnt around anymore. Whet her they got married, job, or they’re the life of the party now.

 

[Jeghbamjdb]

Nope, I can take jokes (I make jokes and it is my sort of defense mechanism) but I didn’t like what you said (the part I deleted in my reply and not what you blurred), if it’s okay to you then not me and not during these times. I was respectful in my post. But anyways I am leaving this site for good. I hope there was some sort of delete option for this thread.

There's a misunderstanding here.

"I feel your pain man" was meant to tell you that I went through the same thing and that the first part of my post is not to be taken seriously.

Hope everything turns oit well for you though. Don't take posts like that too seriously.

 

[Badboy4life]

Why are you saying alxamdulilaah? Are you Muslim again?