Dead is part of life, Allah will never give you a burden you can’t support. Pray to Allah for a good spouse, good kids ......or none because we have ahira.
I feel like Nodaway we bring anxiety and depression to ourselves because we want to control everything, plans things.
If I can give you an advice as my sister and for the sisters here as well, don't marry if you don’t have a good relationship with Allah so the deen, your parents, your siblings (at least know who to communicate with them and how to avoid toxicity).
Women who marry at least at 24 and start breading early have a higher percentage of achievening the national average of our country which dropped to 6 kids from 8.
I have seen plenty of Halimos who wanted to drop 10 kids and enrolled in a useless college only to end up making 20$ an hour and no luck to find a groom,I rather have a an actual human-being than a freaking diploma, if you ain't studying Medicine or engineering just forget college huuno and increase our population like our hooyooyos.
When a Halimo marries at a young age as our Lord instructed, I don't know if you guys know this but we Somalis judge Gumaays(24-35) girls and most Farah's would rather not marry unless she is paying a dowry and the groom is desperate.
I have also noticed young Halimos who marry early enjoy a banging and intacted body even after 2 kids, on the other hand a late Halimo bride gains extensive weight just after one kid and everything gets floppy and age real quick and not enough time to bread the average 6.