Opinion Do we have a Pick-Me epidemic in the Somali community?

[Desert Flower]

I’m seeing a disturbing number of young Somali girls who are pick-me’s. Allowing disrespect from men (talking rudely to you, pushing boundaries, inappropriate language and behaviours), letting red flags slide and really low standards. Girls getting in the cars of strange men, letting men know where they live, talking for hours on the phone or text and letting a man waste your time. These are a few alarming things I’ve noticed.

What has caused this? So many young women in our community are allowing themselves to be treated like garbage just to remain in a relationship. It has made me question what is going on in these homes that these young women come from. So, here are a few solutions to deal with this issue:

1. Love yourself. Nothing else matters if you don’t do this.

2. Have confidence and build your self esteem. This will raise your standards.

3. Never get in the car with a man. Always have your own ride.

4. Stop talking on social media 24/7. Get a hobby, work on projects and set goals.

5. Don’t let a man waste your time. If he says something nasty to you, block and delete. He’s not worthy of anything else.

6. Go back to the deen. Islam has honoured you as a woman. Don’t lower yourself for anyone.

7. Don’t air out your dirty laundry. If a man did you wrong, keep moving on. People just want gossip and will make fun of you.

8. Find new friends. You can’t expect to be a classy young lady if all your friends are also pick me’s.

9. Have your own money, but don’t walk around like you are “miss independent.” That will make you a target for men who want to mooch off of you.

10. Be feminine, low key, mysterious. Read books, listen to podcasts. Don’t be like everyone else. Find your unique traits and what makes you, you.

I’ll leave it at that. But I’ve noticed this phenomenon. It’s alarming and we need to do better.

 

[486th President]

Allowing disrespect from men

What type of disrespect?

 

[Desert Flower]

What type of disrespect?

I was purposely being general. Talking rudely, inconsiderate, selfish, crossing boundaries.

 

[Asli]

I think the problem is that a lot of Somali mothers don’t teach their daughters anything. My mother is a ridiculously “I don’t take shit from anyone” type of person which reflected off of me. but when you look at my cousins they are all miskeen and they let people step on them.

A lot of Somali mothers forget about their daughters and focus on tiny things when in reality they should work on preventing the later “pick me”

and social media.

we have AA lovers, Ajnabi ass kissers, misogynists, etc.

 

[Boogie]

Yes but many xalimo aren't the ones that are will grow out of this phase or dwell in lipstickalley for years to come

 

[Royalflush]

I totally agree with op there’s a pick me epidemic
Why should it end tho easy pickings

 

[Angelina]

Society raises women to be pick me's. Sometimes as women we don't even realise it.

This is a great thread for young women to learn from!

 

[Destiny]

Our community is full of pickmes. On one side we have the girls on Twitter talking bad about Somali men in favor of madows, and on the other we have our moms and aunts telling us to have low expectations and settle down with broke men.

 

[Angelina]

I think the problem is that a lot of Somali mothers don’t teach their daughters anything. My mother is a ridiculously “I don’t take shit from anyone” type of person which reflected off of me. but when you look at my cousins they are all miskeen and they let people step on them.

A lot of Somali mothers forget about their daughters and focus on tiny things when in reality they should work on preventing the later “pick me”

and social media.

we have AA lovers, Ajnabi ass kissers, misogynists, etc.

I've seen my fair share of girls who come across as fiesty and confident, yet are total pick me's around men.

The problem with many pick me's is that some of them are actually very 'no nonsense' when it comes to every facet of their lives, apart from relationships.

 

[Timo Jareer and proud]

Our community is full of pickmes. On one side we have the girls on Twitter talking bad about Somali men in favor of madows, and on the other we have our moms and aunts telling us to have low expectations and settle down with broke men.

wait that actually happens? I thought it was jokes

 

[Asli]

Our community is full of pickmes. On one side we have the girls on Twitter talking bad about Somali men in favor of madows, and on the other we have our moms and aunts telling us to have low expectations and settle down with broke men.

destiny gurl

 

[Desert Flower]

I totally agree with op there’s a pick me epidemic
Why should it end tho easy pickings

Water seeks its own level dheh.

 

[cawaale]

I’ve seen these tiktok videos where girls choose a side, and between toxic and healthy relationships most girls including xalimos pick toxic, I think it’s a trend

 

[Desert Flower]

I think the problem is that a lot of Somali mothers don’t teach their daughters anything. My mother is a ridiculously “I don’t take shit from anyone” type of person which reflected off of me. but when you look at my cousins they are all miskeen and they let people step on them.

A lot of Somali mothers forget about their daughters and focus on tiny things when in reality they should work on preventing the later “pick me”

and social media.

we have AA lovers, Ajnabi ass kissers, misogynists, etc.

Somali moms don’t teach us about love, relationships etc. And expect us to bring home a man. It doesn’t work like that.

We need to train women how to avoid predators, how to deal with men and how they think. Men are NOT women. They do not respond the same way we do.

Paying for his dinner, letting him come and go out of your life, giving him money, all these foolish things I’m hearing. STOP IT.

Why are some afraid to be alone? It’s better than being with someone who doesn’t care. Girls can’t blame men for being “trash” while at the same time entertaining their nonsense.

 

[Destiny]

wait that actually happens? I thought it was jokes

You’d be surprised, a lot of Somali girls hate Somali men. I’ve spoken with plenty who feel this way.

destiny gurl

What

 

[Desert Flower]

I've seen my fair share of girls who come across as fiesty and confident, yet are total pick me's around men.

The problem with many pick me's is that some of them are actually very 'no nonsense' when it comes to every facet of their lives, apart from relationships.

100%. What’s funny is that I’m the opposite aha! Very no nonsense to men but more empathetic and kind to women. We go though so much and I’m not going to contribute to the “toxic culture.”

 

[Revolutionary]

I’ve seen these tiktok videos where girls choose a side, and between toxic and healthy relationships most girls including xalimos pick toxic, I think it’s a trend

Agreed, its more of a choice.

 

[Asli]

You’d be surprised, a lot of Somali girls hate Somali men. I’ve spoken with plenty who feel this way.

What

You are the definition of pick me according to sspot

 

[Desert Flower]

Our community is full of pickmes. On one side we have the girls on Twitter talking bad about Somali men in favor of madows, and on the other we have our moms and aunts telling us to have low expectations and settle down with broke men.

I agree with you sis. It’s too much and very overwhelming. It’s as if you need to remove yourself from the community because you get shamed for having too much standards, which in our culture = kibir.

Somali youth in general lack self confidence I’ve noticed. And this is why we’re seeing a sea of women willing to put up with anything from a man.

 

[Angelina]

Somali moms don’t teach us about love, relationships etc. And expect us to bring home a man. It doesn’t work like that.

We need to train women how to avoid predators, how to deal with men and how they think. Men are NOT women. They do not respond the same way we do.

Paying for his dinner, letting him come and go out of your life, giving him money, all these foolish things I’m hearing. STOP IT.

Why are some afraid to be alone? It’s better than being with someone who doesn’t care. Girls can’t blame men for being “trash” while at the same time entertaining their nonsense.

I feel like our culture trains women into having a scarcity mentality. Once you get into your twenties, you're made to feel as though you have to settle down by 25 and if you don't any Faraax should do, when that should not be the case.

Also, I know i'm going to be attacked for this, but in my community a lot of Somali girls do not have real provider fathers who show them how a woman is meant to be treated.