I have a couple of extremists in my family. Very hardcore. They dress in frocks even though they are men and use a broken twig to clean their teeth because toothbrush is for Westerners. They never quote from the Quran. They quote Ibn Taymiyyah and Muhammad Abdul Wahab. I tell them I'm Shia just to piss them off. I carry a whip around at all times and start flagellating my back for Hassan and Hussein when I see them coming. Really destabalizes them.
I don't know how I'm related to these guys. Do we really have the same genes? I've pretty much cut them off. I'm closer to my idol worshippin', pork eatin', beer drinkin', elephant god veneratin' Indian neighbor with the nice sari. I asked her what the significance of the red dot on her head is. "It means", she told me, "that my head is empty." God bless her. Empty or not she has more brains than my fundamentalist relations.
Did I mention they never stop cleaning their teeth with twigs? Day or night, indoors or outdoors, they've got a miswak jammed in their mouth. I won't lie, their teeth is not as jaad stained as mine as a result, but how can you put a stick in your mouth when you're at the supermarket? Cringe making.
They say that friends are God's apology for family. I wonder if every family is torn apart by similar differences. It's not just religious kooks. I have a younger brother who's a conspiracy nut. He believes the Apollo moon landings were faked and that men never walked on the moon. "How can the US flag astronauts planted there move when there is no wind on the moon?" he says with the triumphant air of a goose that's laid a golden egg. Go ask an astronomer you little muppet instead of regurgitating the Alex Jones school of science. And then he bangs on about the "Holohoax" and the "fake 6 million". Scientific ignorance and antisemitism, how charming. I don't talk to the guy any more. It's too painful.
Do you guys have family members with totally alien beliefs? How do you manage?
I don't know how I'm related to these guys. Do we really have the same genes? I've pretty much cut them off. I'm closer to my idol worshippin', pork eatin', beer drinkin', elephant god veneratin' Indian neighbor with the nice sari. I asked her what the significance of the red dot on her head is. "It means", she told me, "that my head is empty." God bless her. Empty or not she has more brains than my fundamentalist relations.
Did I mention they never stop cleaning their teeth with twigs? Day or night, indoors or outdoors, they've got a miswak jammed in their mouth. I won't lie, their teeth is not as jaad stained as mine as a result, but how can you put a stick in your mouth when you're at the supermarket? Cringe making.
They say that friends are God's apology for family. I wonder if every family is torn apart by similar differences. It's not just religious kooks. I have a younger brother who's a conspiracy nut. He believes the Apollo moon landings were faked and that men never walked on the moon. "How can the US flag astronauts planted there move when there is no wind on the moon?" he says with the triumphant air of a goose that's laid a golden egg. Go ask an astronomer you little muppet instead of regurgitating the Alex Jones school of science. And then he bangs on about the "Holohoax" and the "fake 6 million". Scientific ignorance and antisemitism, how charming. I don't talk to the guy any more. It's too painful.
Do you guys have family members with totally alien beliefs? How do you manage?
