Child abuse or Discipline? Let’s Discuss this.

Amina99,

Stick to one Kid yourself. If your kid is healthy, raise that one well and have no more kids.
Facts. I actually don’t want more children and knew from the very start that I would stick to just one, have been yelled at by family and others. They think I’m selfish and don’t realize how hard it is to raise good quality children.
I’m very happy and satisfied with just one.

I’m actually planning on getting my tubes tied, but they refuse young women. Not until they reach their 30s.

I know way too many women who kept on having kids just for no reason and they all suffered cause of it and these women tell me they wish they stuck to one.
 
Why is there such a high rate of autism in the somali community? Many parents hate their autistic kids although they wont admit it in public.

@Amina99 does your mom also hate her autistic child?
 
Why is there such a high rate of autism in the somali community? Many parents hate their autistic kids although they wont admit it in public.

@Amina99 does your mom also hate her autistic child?
There’s a few hoyoos here who have autistic kids who are grown and big and that beat on them alot.
She says she loves him, but he beats on her all the time. He knocked her unconscious a few times while I was at school.
His aunt ( my mom sister ) raised him for ten years and he simply doesn’t know who my mom is.
She gets frustrated with him and often is angry with him around, but no she doesn’t hate him.
But there’s a lot of parents who do hate their special needs kids.

I’m sorry don’t drag me guys, but I truly believe it’s the cousin marriage. It’s not the vaccines cause then everyone would have autism. All of my friends beilve it’s cousin marriage as well.

Here’s a list of the countries with the highest autism rates…
I also read that in some of these countries, vaccination rates are low, so we can’t keep blaming the vaccines.

And they’re all majority Muslim countries.
 

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Facts. I actually don’t want more children and knew from the very start that I would stick to just one, have been yelled at by family and others. They think I’m selfish and don’t realize how hard it is to raise good quality children.
I’m very happy and satisfied with just one.

I’m actually planning on getting my tubes tied, but they refuse young women. Not until they reach their 30s.

I know way too many women who kept on having kids just for no reason and they all suffered cause of it and these women tell me they wish they stuck to one.
May I ask why you wanna make a radical decision like getting your tubes tied? You may be in a difficult spot right now with everything that is going on in your life. But why would you make such a huge decision when you’re in a bad place? You should make such decisions only when you’re in a good headspace. You might just regret it terribly when you’re 35. Who knows. And God forbid this ever happens, may Allah protect him and give him long life, but what if you lost your son? And then you never have the possibility to have children of your own again. I understand that you love having one child right now and that’s okay. But please don’t deprive yourself of the ability to bear more children just because right now you think parenting and having more children is so hard. Think about these things very well before you make decisions.
 
It's not discipline, seems like she's just taking her stress and fustration out on your brother. A beating's one thing, but drawing blood and leaving bruises to the point that he can't attend school is beyond fucked. It's child abuse, plain a simple. Get your son away from that shit.

Besides, the threat of a beating can be more effective than the beating itself sometimes :manny:
 

Psychologist

Psychologist
She is taking her angers on them, this type of people deserve no kids. beating a kid is never a discipline, grown adults take their stress and problems on kids and just called it discipline

She beat him so badly on his face, he couldn’t start his first week of school, cause his face was all swollen and cuts everywhere, but eventually he did go to school, to which the assistant principle has asked me about to which I denied anything.
please search a safe home for those kids, this shit will affect their life the same way it affected your older brother even worse.
He’s a little demon himself and is awful to me but I’m not heartless and it’s awful seeing her beat him throughout the week.
he is not, its way for him to cope what happens to him at home. becoming the very thing he hates.
My friends I’ve asked about this and other relatives believe it or not have even suggested I call child services but I wouldn’t do that, but I would like something to be done so when I move away, I can know N is ok.
Please call child services, they aren't the best but it is better than the home you describe.
she wouldn’t let him go back to school in his early twenties, and wanted him to stay home and pay all the bills
Sounds like a Nasserist person, people like her deserve to not have any kids.

For the sake of your brothers future, Call child services and you could adopt them but it would be hard to deal with J so im not sure on how things would go him.
 
Your brothers situation reminds me of "Inspire4changes" , maybe u should get ur brother to watch him, hes jokes
basically he moved to london and got involved in the road life and none of his older brothers could control him, he was kicked out of school at the age of 7 so since then he never went to school, he was on the streets all the time, eventually child services came and he basically lived in an orphanage for his teenage years, then he went to prison for alot of his adult years, then once he came back he went back to the deen and now he makes videos about lessons he learnt.
Hes funny im sure ur brother will enjoy it
 
He was in Somalia for 10 years. And he said how the duxii teachers would beat him a lot, and I think that’s the reason why he doesn’t like learning about the deen cause he associates it with the beatings he got in Somalia and the Islamic schools there.
Well now u kinda know the source of his hate for the deen
H eassociates deen with violence
He assoiates his own mother with violence
Hes getting no mercy
Hes not gonna show any mercy
Its been engrained in his brain now that the deen is the enemy, and that anything with the deen is the enemy since ur mum is muslim so now ur brother will hate anything to do with ur culture or deen
Hes gonna need some srs therapy or help wen hes older cos if he doesnt hes gonna go down a bad path. I blame the culture for making Islam seem like a burden.
 
There’s a few hoyoos here who have autistic kids who are grown and big and that beat on them alot.
She says she loves him, but he beats on her all the time. He knocked her unconscious a few times while I was at school.
His aunt ( my mom sister ) raised him for ten years and he simply doesn’t know who my mom is.
She gets frustrated with him and often is angry with him around, but no she doesn’t hate him.
But there’s a lot of parents who do hate their special needs kids.

I’m sorry don’t drag me guys, but I truly believe it’s the cousin marriage. It’s not the vaccines cause then everyone would have autism. All of my friends beilve it’s cousin marriage as well.

Here’s a list of the countries with the highest autism rates…
I also read that in some of these countries, vaccination rates are low, so we can’t keep blaming the vaccines.

And they’re all majority Muslim countries.
Interesting
Are your and dad related ? From the same tribe ?
 
Lost for words. Get out as soon as possible and try to get custody of N. At this point J is beyond repair and you can not have him around but there is hope in N. Before anything get out and rent you own place, do not tell any one about your location. Once you settle down for a year try to get N to move with you. With how things are going it is only a matter of time until he seriously injures someone, commits a felony or gets addicted to drugs. If you can not handle him or afraid of him then there is nothing you can do. Get out, get your own place, stand your own feet and reach out to you older brothers. Preferably move to his house in a different province but keep the number of N if he has a phone. You know how stubborn and energetic Somali teens are, this kid is a ticking time bomb he needs therapy before he ruins his life ASAP.


You are level headed young woman I am sure you also need therapy but for the sake of your child you should move out immediately do not even tell your mother she will try to sabotage and guilt trip you to stay. I get the impression you are afraid of your mother and can not stand up to her so just ghost her. You are in a very tough spot. No one would blame you if you can not help N. I am sure your mother will cut contact when you move away and hold a grudge forever. You focus on yourself and baby first than you can help N in the future.
 
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I know this sounds terrible but it would be better if you move away to your brothers house and blackmail your mother by threatening her with social services in exchange for having custody of N. Gather evidence before you leave. Having a bigger man in the house (your brother) will deter N from attacking you once he moves in. Your father side will help you too. A new province, a new town, new people, new life. That would be the best environment for N to start his therapy. You mentioned your older brother is well off he will take care of everything so long as your relationship is close and you explain everything to him. Forget about the Imaam or the extended family of you mother side they will always pick her side ... always! If they did not intervene before they are not going to now.


Before everything you most move to your brothers house, find a job and settle down.
 
I know this sounds terrible but it would be better if you move away to your brothers house and blackmail your mother by threatening her with social services in exchange for having custody of N. Gather evidence before you leave. Having a bigger man in the house (your brother) will deter N from attacking you once he moves in. Your father side will help you too. A new province, a new town, new people, new life. That would be the best environment for N to start his therapy. You mentioned your older brother is well off he will take care of everything so long as your relationship is close and you explain everything to him. Forget about the Imaam or the extended family of you mother side they will always pick her side ... always! If they did not intervene before they are not going to now.


Before everything you most move to your brothers house, find a job and settle down.
That sounds nice but probably isnt gonna happen
 
Facts. I actually don’t want more children and knew from the very start that I would stick to just one, have been yelled at by family and others. They think I’m selfish and don’t realize how hard it is to raise good quality children.
I’m very happy and satisfied with just one.

I’m actually planning on getting my tubes tied, but they refuse young women. Not until they reach their 30s.

I know way too many women who kept on having kids just for no reason and they all suffered cause of it and these women tell me they wish they stuck to one.
Having your tubes tied is drastic considering that fact that you might end up changing your mind.

You kid easily meet someone who ticks all your boxes and might want to start a family with you.
 

Basra

LOVE is a product of Doqoniimo mixed with lust
Let Them Eat Cake
VIP
Hello everyone, I’m already up pretty late and wanted to ask about something serious.

If you read my previous post about my family situation then you’ll be familiar about what I’m going to say.
Can we have a serious discussion about what is labeled discipline or just plain child abuse in our community and culture ?

So I got these two younger brothers in the home, 14 ( J ) and 12 ( N ). J is severely autistic.

The stress of taking care of J has us all stressed but with my mother she takes that stress and often beats N.

Me and my other brothers who are a year apart and grew together were beat by our mother but my mother always said it was discipline and it was a good thing that she did.

But I often remember most of our beatings went too far and was often for things she was just mad about, very rarely for something we did wrong. It was so bad to the point my older brother ( 29 ), doesn’t talk to my mom anymore since this summer,( he said the beatings she gave him and verbal abuse really affected him and he doesn’t like talking to her and her arguing with him ). Hes also remembers about how she wouldn’t let him go back to school in his early twenties, and wanted him to stay home and pay all the bills and he moved out and went to college and graduated and got a good job mashallah.

So to see her constantly beating on N is really hard to see. She does it in front of my son who I’ve asked her to not do, but she continues to beat him all the time.

She beat him so badly on his face, he couldn’t start his first week of school, cause his face was all swollen and cuts everywhere, but eventually he did go to school, to which the assistant principle has asked me about to which I denied anything.

( Mind you he called cause N is acting really bad and doing bad in his grades and my mother denied him being bad and that the teachers are lying on her kid, thus the teachers calling me to ask about his behaviour ).
He’s a little demon himself and is awful to me but I’m not heartless and it’s awful seeing her beat him throughout the week.

Like I’m serious it’s multiple times a week since he’s come to Canada back in late 2020.

I’ve tried talking to her but she will fight with me and insist its discipline, but I tell her how it’s better to talk with him and give out smart punishments instead of beating on him really bad.

My friends I’ve asked about this and other relatives believe it or not have even suggested I call child services but I wouldn’t do that, but I would like something to be done so when I move away, I can know N is ok.

Why do some hoyoos do this and insist it’s good when tbh most people I’ve asked about this have said it did more harm and negative than good ?


Beating is good. It increases cognitive neurons in a normal child, and even better for autistic child. Its sad but that is the truth. I am not encouraging this-- but children who were molested as a child or experienced trauma grow up extremely intelligent compared to their sheltered counter part age groups. They get woke in short.

There is actually a hadith that backs my claim about beating kids. I forget which one-- the hadith clearly states the children will be intelligent. I think it was a mother beating her kids. My mom used to beat us like crazy lol we were naturally bloke heads. But we all grew up extremely intelligent. Lol
 
Beating is good. It increases cognitive neurons in a normal child, and even better for autistic child. Its sad but that is the truth. I am not encouraging this-- but children who were molested as a child or experienced trauma grow up extremely intelligent compared to their sheltered counter part age groups. They get woke in short.

There is actually a hadith that backs my claim about beating kids. I forget which one-- the hadith clearly states the children will be intelligent. I think it was a mother beating her kids. My mom used to beat us like crazy lol we were naturally bloke heads. But we all grew up extremely intelligent. Lol
Bruv wat r u on about. Ur waffling has gone too far. Beating is the opposite of Islamic values, it causes ppl to have trauma, act on their emotions more,be more impulsive.Even decreases brain size due to the emotion of fear and stress constantly in a child, which causes the brain to decrease size, their are studies on this. Plus there are so many more problems that a child gets from being beaten, and dont even get be started on a disabled child, u cannot even lay a finger on a disabled kid, thats oppression.

Anas ibn Malik reported: I served the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, for ten years. By Allah, he never even said to me, “Uff!” He never said harshly, “Why did you do that?” or, “Why did you not do that?”

Source: Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 5691, Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 2309

If the prophet ﷺ never said uff then wat do u think about physical beating? Islamically u must be extremely merciful to ur children, even when ur punishing them its for th point of discipline not to do it for the sake of it.
 

Basra

LOVE is a product of Doqoniimo mixed with lust
Let Them Eat Cake
VIP
Bruv wat r u on about. Ur waffling has gone too far. Beating is the opposite of Islamic values, it causes ppl to have trauma, act on their emotions more,be more impulsive.Even decreases brain size due to the emotion of fear and stress constantly in a child, which causes the brain to decrease size, their are studies on this. Plus there are so many more problems that a child gets from being beaten, and dont even get be started on a disabled child, u cannot even lay a finger on a disabled kid, thats oppression.

Anas ibn Malik reported: I served the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, for ten years. By Allah, he never even said to me, “Uff!” He never said harshly, “Why did you do that?” or, “Why did you not do that?”

Source: Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 5691, Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 2309

If the prophet ﷺ never said uff then wat do u think about physical beating? Islamically u must be extremely merciful to ur children, even when ur punishing them its for th point of discipline not to do it for the sake of it.


@Amk i am not saying any abuse is good, but just in case it happens, know that there is an advantage to it. Children become stronger and more smart, because God will take care of them. For those unfortunate ones who become worst from it, God will help them. But i doubt there is such. Therapy helps too. :)






 
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