Tuesday March 10, 2020
Somali pirates have attacked a tanker carrying two million barrels of the most valuable cargo in the world today, hand sanitiser.
In the early hours of this morning, a tanker loaded with three hundred million litres of hydro-alcoholic gel with a street value of six billion pounds was taken hostage while on route to the UK, with the pirates allegedly demanding fifty million pounds and fifty thousand toilet rolls as ransom.
“We have no choice but to pay,” said a government spokesperson who is trying to negotiate with pirates off the coast of Somalia where the tanker was seized.
“The nation is desperate for the tanker to arrive in the UK, the entire country is on the verge of anarchy without adequate access to hand sanitiser, and this hijacked vessel could put us back weeks if we can’t resolve it quickly.
“The money isn’t a problem, we could wire that amount of cash to them this afternoon, but we simply don’t know where to get our hands of fifty thousand toilet rolls. Do you?
“Christ, I think we’d struggle to round up fifty at this point. Do you think they’d accept old copies of the Daily Mail as an arse-wiping alternative?”
LooL at them asking for 50k toilet rolls as ransom and the Brits saying “Do you think they’ll accept old copies of the Daily Mail as an arse-wiping alternative”
Smart Faraxs targeting UK cargo instead of USA one. They know Trump don’t play.
Those Faraxs are gonna get paid real good walle.
Reer UK y’all better hit the stores for hand sanitizers because shit is gonna be real expensive soon.
Somali pirates have attacked a tanker carrying two million barrels of the most valuable cargo in the world today, hand sanitiser.
In the early hours of this morning, a tanker loaded with three hundred million litres of hydro-alcoholic gel with a street value of six billion pounds was taken hostage while on route to the UK, with the pirates allegedly demanding fifty million pounds and fifty thousand toilet rolls as ransom.
“We have no choice but to pay,” said a government spokesperson who is trying to negotiate with pirates off the coast of Somalia where the tanker was seized.
“The nation is desperate for the tanker to arrive in the UK, the entire country is on the verge of anarchy without adequate access to hand sanitiser, and this hijacked vessel could put us back weeks if we can’t resolve it quickly.
“The money isn’t a problem, we could wire that amount of cash to them this afternoon, but we simply don’t know where to get our hands of fifty thousand toilet rolls. Do you?
“Christ, I think we’d struggle to round up fifty at this point. Do you think they’d accept old copies of the Daily Mail as an arse-wiping alternative?”
LooL at them asking for 50k toilet rolls as ransom and the Brits saying “Do you think they’ll accept old copies of the Daily Mail as an arse-wiping alternative”
Smart Faraxs targeting UK cargo instead of USA one. They know Trump don’t play.
Those Faraxs are gonna get paid real good walle.
Reer UK y’all better hit the stores for hand sanitizers because shit is gonna be real expensive soon.
