Are you in the "Talking Stage", or are you a Free Therapist?

[𐒁𐒚𐒒𐒂𐒘𐒂𐒗 𐒎𐒚𐒗𐒗𐒒]

All we've heard from women since we arrived in the West is that men don't talk about their feelings enough. Now it is too much?

This is why people say, "Women don't know what they want."

Talking is a conversation. Not a monologue where a man talks about himself non-stop.

 

[The alchemist]

I remember reading that men tend to flourish more than women in intimate relationships, while women report greater levels of relationship dissatisfaction. Anyone can have self-centred traits. However, on average, men suffer more from mild/sub-clinical alexithymia - a deficit in cognitive and affective processing of emotions expressed through an inability to put emotions into words. Rather, women are expected to understand and discern their feelings, desires and intentions and those of others, interpreting their gestures and trying to gather this from minimal communicative expressions or avoidance behaviours, hence serving the role of de facto therapist, especially in intimate relationships. A duty their male friends are not required to engage in. Men certainly have a friendship recession with fewer friends than women and greater loneliness. They are less likely to initiate hangouts with friends and don't do much to sustain or maintain friendships relative to their female counterparts, especially as they age and leave post-secondary for the workforce after marrying/getting into long-term relationships or having kids. Not to say this is all men, but a gender disparity certainly exists.

I find that women take on this therapist role by themselves. 8/10, it's they who want men to speak about shit they probably would not go into. Any guy who's had a relationship would agree with me.

What do you say to this?

I think we have to acknowledge that some women have that type of temperament naturally, and it can be beautiful. Others probably don't have that inclination. All they need to do is find a guy who fits them. Throughout life, a relationship is very dynamic. Going back to the hat analogy, sometimes you have to put on what fits the circumstances, considering the needs.

 

[𐒁𐒚𐒒𐒂𐒘𐒂𐒗 𐒎𐒚𐒗𐒗𐒒]

Spoiler

You don't have permission to view the spoiler content. Log in or register now.

Women are nicer than men usually, in friendships but these little "white lies" you speak of, usually come with self-improvement advice and so forth. Ask any woman, she'll tell you her friend or sister told her what to wear, how to style her hair and so forth.

 

[𐒁𐒚𐒒𐒂𐒘𐒂𐒗 𐒎𐒚𐒗𐒗𐒒]

I remember reading that men tend to flourish more than women in intimate relationships, while women report greater levels of relationship dissatisfaction. Anyone can have self-centred traits. However, on average, men suffer more from mild/sub-clinical alexithymia - a deficit in cognitive and affective processing of emotions expressed through an inability to put emotions into words. Rather, women are expected to understand and discern their feelings, desires and intentions and those of others, interpreting their gestures and trying to gather this from minimal communicative expressions or avoidance behaviours, hence serving the role of de facto therapist, especially in intimate relationships. A duty their male friends are not required to engage in. Men certainly have a friendship recession with fewer friends than women and greater loneliness. They are less likely to initiate hangouts with friends and don't do much to sustain or maintain friendships relative to their female counterparts, especially as they age and leave post-secondary for the workforce after marrying/getting into long-term relationships or having kids. Not to say this is all men, but a gender disparity certainly exists.

Yep, this is why a lot of divorced women refuse to remarry and are happier because of it. A lot of women are:

1. Mother
2. Wife
3. 50/50 bill payer
4. Husband's unpaid therapist and motivation coach.
5. Family manager (All family appointments and events)
6. Cleaner (because of weaponised incompetence)
7. Cook, again, weaponised incompetence


Divorcing a selfish man, frees up a lot of time and removes a lot of labour, physical, emotional and mental labour. Unlike a good man, that actually knows how to be responsible and caring.

 

[Sophisticate]

I find that women take on this therapist role by themselves. 8/10, it's they who want men to speak about shit they probably would not go into. Any guy who's had a relationship would agree with me.

What do you say to this?

I don't think the problem is with disclosure; as you said, women encourage it in relationships. I think the issue is a misalignment of expectations/needs occurring when one party feels they are doing the bulk of caring work/emotional support, but it is unreciprocal. I recall reading this somewhere.

To put it in a nutshell, gender norms bring women and men to love differently. Women are taught to care for their partners in intense, prodigal, enthusiastic ways, aiming at the satisfaction of the highest possible number of their needs and wishes. As a result, men’s self-assurance, life force, and agency are fostered and increased. Men’s empowerment, which depends, among other things, on women’s loving attitude, allows them to enjoy erotic ecstasy in ways that do not weaken, mislead or distract but rather further enhance their individual capacities, self-esteem, and well-being.

@𐒁𐒚𐒒𐒂𐒘𐒂𐒗 𐒎𐒚𐒗𐒗𐒒 has a point when she says women end up serving multiple roles of relationships-maintenance expert; therapist, motivational coach, cheerleader, support worker/caregiver. Women do most of the heavy lifting emotionally, even when both parties are equal professionally and 50:50 in the division of finances or tasks.

I think we have to acknowledge that some women have that type of temperament naturally, and it can be beautiful. Others probably don't have that inclination. All they need to do is find a guy who fits them. Throughout life, a relationship is very dynamic. Going back to the hat analogy, sometimes you have to put on what fits the circumstances, considering the needs.

Perhaps it is a matter of fit; some women are primed more for this. However, I think even for highly emotionally attuned women who like showing concern and caring for others. They may even experience exhaustion from over-extending themselves. It is almost expected for women to be overly self-sacrificing. A problem arises when a woman forgets her individual needs, wishes and goals and invests her energies and time in caring chiefly for his.

 

[The alchemist]

I don't think the problem is with disclosure; as you said, women encourage it in relationships. I think the issue is a misalignment of expectations/needs occurring when one party feels they are doing the bulk of caring work/emotional support, but it is unreciprocal. I recall reading this somewhere.

@𐒁𐒚𐒒𐒂𐒘𐒂𐒗 𐒎𐒚𐒗𐒗𐒒 has a point when she says women end up serving multiple roles of relationships-maintenance expert; therapist, motivational coach, cheerleader, support worker/caregiver. Women do most of the heavy lifting emotionally, even when both parties are equal professionally and 50:50 in the division of finances or tasks.

Perhaps it is a matter of fit; some women are primed more for this. However, I think even for highly emotionally attuned women who like showing concern and caring for others. They may even experience exhaustion from over-extending themselves. It is almost expected for women to be overly self-sacrificing. A problem arises when a woman forgets her individual needs, wishes, and goals and invests her energies and time in caring chiefly for his.

I hear you. There are ass niggas in the world. You also have less sentimental ones that require less emotional consideration as well. I guess you want the middle road, huh?

Expectations are informed by who we are. What I want in a relationship should give great insight into my character, one way or another. The other part is how I meet challenges that force a reassessment of things, adjusting for better balance.

For example, I can use rational language to shut down communication. I'm most likely correct in that argument, but did I have an impactful communication? Not necessarily. Sometimes, it can be a tool for neglecting other things, right?

I guess there is no perfect blueprint for what is 'balance.' You have to do your best. One thing I can say is if both parties are too stuck in their ways, or one chooses to grow with life while the other stays stubborn, that shit ends eventually or becomes dysfunctional.

 

[bluebird]

Spoiler

You don't have permission to view the spoiler content. Log in or register now.

 

[𐒁𐒚𐒒𐒂𐒘𐒂𐒗 𐒎𐒚𐒗𐒗𐒒]

Spoiler

You don't have permission to view the spoiler content. Log in or register now.

You are blessed and highly favoured sis! Savour this blessing.

 

[bluebird]

You are blessed and highly favoured sis! Savour this blessing.

thanks but I think its equally as bad. I don't really just those types of guys. They make me uneasy