Am I wrong for wanting to move out of abusive home life due to violent Autistic sibling ?

IstarZ

A mere finger can’t obscure the sun.
Everything you have said is a good point. He was ripped from his environment and the mother he knows and he’s confused and acting out here.
May I also point out I have grown brothers that
reside here but have never helped out with babysitting or anything else.
Cause I’m the girl I have to do it.

I’ve told her if you need caregivers, get the Somali ones cause here in Alberta there’s a lot of Somali caregivers who help special need kids.
I was ignored.



Before he came here, i warned her for like two years , like hey get this ready for him in terms of medication and health professionals and other things that can make his adjustment here easier on all of us. Everything I advised was ignored and I was yelled at.

I’ve spoken with her multiple times, especially after the times he beat on her while I was away for school or errands.

I’ve spoken about how realistically he’ll get bigger and your already an older woman who can’t take the beatings any longer.

You can’t even contain him, even taking him to errands he would beat on her and others in public.

You simply can’t care for him in the future and like my abo and other relatives have said, he will eventually kill her perhaps due to her stubbornness.

I had to make her get a brain scan, due to him beating her head and I found her unconscious.

But when you state that you don’t care what we dealing with, and I’ve tried on multiple occasions to help her, I simply can’t do any more.

Do what’s best for you and your child without guilt. You did what you could to help. It seems like your mother is having a hard time accepting your brother is autistic. It’s a difficult situation to be in. Is there anyone else your mother would listen to? Your brother needs help and his behaviour will continue to escalate if he doesn’t get the right support. He could seriously harm someone or himself if his behaviour isn’t managed.
 
Do what’s best for you and your child without guilt. You did what you could to help. It seems like your mother is having a hard time accepting your brother is autistic. It’s a difficult situation to be in. Is there anyone else your mother would listen to? Your brother needs help and his behaviour will continue to escalate if he doesn’t get the right support. He could seriously harm someone or himself if his behaviour isn’t managed.


My mom doesn’t listen to no one who has told and begged her to face the reality and know that realistically she can’t take care of him.

Everyone has begged her to do something with him.

The school couldn’t deal with him.

She can’t even work normally cause of him and she had hope that him being in school work allow her to work, and now that’s he kicked out, she can’t work.

Despite her having money problems, she keeps buying expensive cars and furniture ( she has a spending problem, that we have to help her pay for ) and she’s just all over the place.

She literally screamed at us to now pay higher rent ( we each paid 500 ), but paid for a 3000 dollar television that J broke anyways.


She even tried to get me to pay for an expensive car that would require 300 biweekly payments and when I said no I can’t afford that and that’s foolish to even pay for, she screamed and called us all haasid and ungrateful, and wished i wasnt born.

It’s insane lol.
 
My mom doesn’t listen to no one who has told and begged her to face the reality and know that realistically she can’t take care of him.

Everyone has begged her to do something with him.

The school couldn’t deal with him.

She can’t even work normally cause of him and she had hope that him being in school work allow her to work, and now that’s he kicked out, she can’t work.

Despite her having money problems, she keeps buying expensive cars and furniture ( she has a spending problem, that we have to help her pay for ) and she’s just all over the place.

She literally screamed at us to now pay higher rent ( we each paid 500 ), but paid for a 3000 dollar television that J broke anyways.


She even tried to get me to pay for an expensive car that would require 300 biweekly payments and when I said no I can’t afford that and that’s foolish to even pay for, she screamed and called us all haasid and ungrateful, and wished i wasnt born.

It’s insane lol.
Abayo move out ASAP. Your mom has a problem she’s taking it out on you all. Be kind but move out ASAP. Do it for your child.
 
Abayo move out ASAP. Your mom has a problem she’s taking it out on you all. Be kind but move out ASAP. Do it for your child.


That’s what it’s all about, doing it in a kindly polite manner. I have told her if I do leave, I’m not living super far away ( 10 min away by car ) and if she needs me for anything, I’ll be available for assistance.
 

NotMyL

"You are your best thing"
VIP
I don’t understand how this is even a question, the day he laid hands on your child should have been the day you moved out. May Allah make it easy on you.
 
Ok so good question. We was told way back in 2012 a year after they left that my mom wanted some of her children to be raised in a Islamic African environment unlike me and my other brothers who were all born in Canada.

She also mentioned other reasons I don’t quite remember, but that was supposedly the main reason.

And tbh my mom didn’t want to listen when me and others told her J was off. A lot of Hoyoo’s from what I’ve observed don’t acknowledge if there children have an issue, due to shame.

So when he went away, she never acknowledged he had a issue and pretended over 10 years he was fine, just hyper.

When I went to visit and got into that arranged marriage and I saw how bad he was, I told my family about it, to which my mother screamed that “why did I lie and say J is autistic when there’s nothing wrong with him. “


I personally know a few Hoyoo’s like this who had autistic children grown and raised here who ignored the signs and they turned out worse, then blame the vaccines or the white man lol

So, she left him in Somalia to be raised by your aunt for no real excuse?
Ok so good question. We was told way back in 2012 a year after they left that my mom wanted some of her children to be raised in a Islamic African environment unlike me and my other brothers who were all born in Canada.

She also mentioned other reasons I don’t quite remember, but that was supposedly the main reason.

And tbh my mom didn’t want to listen when me and others told her J was off. A lot of Hoyoo’s from what I’ve observed don’t acknowledge if there children have an issue, due to shame.

So when he went away, she never acknowledged he had a issue and pretended over 10 years he was fine, just hyper.

When I went to visit and got into that arranged marriage and I saw how bad he was, I told my family about it, to which my mother screamed that “why did I lie and say J is autistic when there’s nothing wrong with him. “


I personally know a few Hoyoo’s like this who had autistic children grown and raised here who ignored the signs and they turned out worse, then blame the vaccines or the white man lol

If she really cared about raising your brother in an Islamic country she would have went to Somalia with him, instead of shirking her responsibilities and making her sister raise her child. She's a mother and her primary responsibility should have been to look out for your brother, but instead she got someone else to do it, and now she wants you to shirk on your own responsibilities on your own son. I'm sorry and I hate to critique a Somali mother as motherhood is hard and who am I to say anything. But there seems to be a theme here. It might sound harsh, but don't let her stop you from putting your own baby first, just because she selfishly didn't put your brother first. If you neglect your son now like she did, you'll be picking up the pieces later on.
 
So, she left him in Somalia to be raised by your aunt for no real excuse?

Honestly, she has always avoided the subject with us. She may have her reasons but didn’t want to share the real one.



If she really cared about raising your brother in an Islamic country she would have went to Somalia with him, instead of shirking her responsibilities and making her sister raise her child. She's a mother and her primary responsibility should have been to look out for your brother, but instead she got someone else to do it, and now she wants you to shirk on your own responsibilities on your own son. I'm sorry and I hate to critique a Somali mother as motherhood is hard and who am I to say anything. But there seems to be a theme here. It might sound harsh, but don't let her stop you from putting your own baby first, just because she selfishly didn't put your brother first. If you neglect your son now like she did, you'll be picking up the pieces later on.


It’s this destructive cycle where she doesn’t see that her actions and choices are negatively affecting us all. I sound cruel but I wouldn’t raise my son the way she did my brothers and what not.

I still remember the multiple times she ( including her friends ) would really ask me if I would give up my whole life to be their caretaker.

A true parent would be supportive of their child to make decisions that make them happy.

She has stated that she doesn’t care how we feel and if she has to suffer so should we.
 
Since when are Autistic children this violent or insane???

He has a bigger, more dangerous issue that could be life threatening
 
Since when are Autistic children this violent or insane???

He has a bigger, more dangerous issue that could be life threatening
I don’t understand how this is even a question, the day he laid hands on your child should have been the day you moved out. May Allah make it easy on you.


And I wanted to, but was guilted and pressure to remain in the house. And my mother didn’t beileve that J did it.
 
Since when are Autistic children this violent or insane???

He has a bigger, more dangerous issue that could be life threatening


There’s various reasons to this.

Some people don’t realize that without being treated, autism can make a person into someone very violent.

Please understand that autism is a wide spectrum of behaviours ranging from completely calm but awkward, to a raging violent person.

He was born here but left to Somalia for 10 years since he was 3.
Never received crucial therapy and help there. So he got worse and worse.

He wasn’t violent in Somalia, but he is in a whole new environment with people he doesn’t know.

He had big space to run around in, and could play outside. Whereas here it’s cramped and can’t be outside.

He doesn’t see my mom as his mom.
He doesn’t know any of us.
 

Basra

LOVE is a product of Doqoniimo mixed with lust
Let Them Eat Cake
VIP
I think u r being selfish. I think you should NOT move out by yourself. You can't leave home unless it is with a husband. Period.


You need to pray salat and be strong. Together ALL of you will be strong and can make it. Let the state take over, especially for the care and financial. Here in the states, thats a jackpot.


Believe me--selfishness does not pay. You are only asking for a curse for your sweet son. Be generous, help out your half brothers and mom. God will reward u


11 people voted THUMBS DOWN


This ONLY proves what i have suspected before. LIES AND MULTIPLE NAMES & ALCOHOL
 
11 people voted THUMBS DOWN


This ONLY proves what i have suspected before. LIES AND MULTIPLE NAMES & ALCOHOL

Because while drunk I can articulate an entire story with correct grammar and what not.


Take your meds edo, you pushed me into this lol
Drink some jasmine tea.

And remember there is no war in bai sing se.
 

Basra

LOVE is a product of Doqoniimo mixed with lust
Let Them Eat Cake
VIP
Because while drunk I can articulate an entire story with correct grammar and what not.


Take your meds edo, you pushed me into this lol
Drink some jasmine tea.

And remember there is no war in bai sing se.

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