Am I wrong for wanting to move out of abusive home life due to violent Autistic sibling ?

Basra

LOVE is a product of Doqoniimo mixed with lust
Let Them Eat Cake
VIP
s

so you recommend staying their her whole life and letting some kid beat her and her son, She even said she was suicidal. @Amina99 is already very strong because Allah knows that most people can't handle the mental and physical abuse she has had to endure from her little brother. Ik the child is disabled and I wish that he would have gotten treatment earlier for his disability. we need to stop the stigmatization of disabled somalis so that they are able to get proper care and treatment. if only there was some way to convince your mother to get your little brother treated or some kind of therapy.


I am not interested anymore. I have moved on.
 
@Amina99

Abaayo ignore these trolls. Do what's best for you and your child. You're not selfish for wanting to move out of that environment

Thank you abaayo for your kind words and ya I will.

The families who deal with what I deal with, are often told by others who don’t go through this that we are selfish and evil for not wanting anything to do with it.
 
Yes. You've said it dozens of times already this boy is SEVERELY AUTISTIC. He's not capable of taking care of himself and never will be, unless someone raises him right. If he's beating you and your mother instead of following simple directions, he's not being raised right. You are abandoning him and blindly hoping he'll turn out normal, when the chances of that happening are definitely close to zero in Somalia.

Thankfully I do not have any close relatives with a severe illness, but I suspect my older brother has some kind of undiagnosed issues. He is older than me and capable of holding down a job, but is a heroin addict. I do not have any hope for him after he attempted to steal from me. So that's why I say "I can't fault you for your decision". I'm really not trying to make you feel bad, I'm just point out the fact this boy will have a better life in Canada than Somalia, and that someone needs to take charge of this kid. It doesn't have to be you, but you can't just hope for the best case scenario without attempting to change his behavior/enviroment at all. You should send him to your brother that works overnight, if he's married at least.


I sympathize with you having a family member with an addiction, since I have a few cousins who have drug problems and I can only make dua they’ll get better.

He is not married and he needs to sleep during the day for his night shift.

My other siblings are haasid for not even trying to come and help.

I Understand that Somalia may not have the resources for him, but also when it comes to me taking care of him, I am not trained for that and I already have broken down from having to watch him all the time.

My son doesn’t deserve to see his hoyoo always sad and depressed.

Inshalalh your brother will be cured and become better
 

digaagjecel

SSpots starting point guard
I would move straight up I am not obligated to raise that lil nigga. It’s all your moms fault and she needs to take responsibility instead of throwing all her issues on you. Did you tell her to get married again and have more kids? So it’s not your problem.
 
I would move straight up I am not obligated to raise that lil nigga. It’s all your moms fault and she needs to take responsibility instead of throwing all her issues on you. Did you tell her to get married again and have more kids? So it’s not your problem.

I’m awful for thinking this, but that’s what I low key think as well, that I didn’t ask her to get remarried and have more children that one would become special needs and eventually I’m expected to take care of.

I’m sorry, but no, no, no.
 
One of the saddest threads i have read here. First of all you have to be honest with yourself. In life if you try to please everyone, you will fail to do so and end up pleasing no one. Your nr 1 priority as a mother is your son and your responsibility is to keep him safe. And something has already happened to him. if you said my man beat up my baby, everyone would say leave ASAP. But because its your teenage brother people think give them one more chance. But he is capable of doing as much damage as any man.

Your mother sounds like typical Somali mother. You will never please her of you sacrifice your whole life for her. It will never be enough and you will end up failing your son. And they will blame you for that as well. Move ASAP and focus on your son before something really bad happens to him and there wont be chance to go back and fix it. If the social knew what happened to your son they would take him from you as he is in actual danger right now. You have to be strong and do the right thing. Like any somali mother our mum will try to guilt trip you and call you all sorts of names, once she realise you aint budging she will accept it. But it seems like you been obedient all your life so she knows she can push you to do whatever she wants. Your need to be good daughter should never come ahead of being a good mother
 
One of the saddest threads i have read here. First of all you have to be honest with yourself. In life if you try to please everyone, you will fail to do so and end up pleasing no one. Your nr 1 priority as a mother is your son and your responsibility is to keep him safe. And something has already happened to him. if you said my man beat up my baby, everyone would say leave ASAP. But because its your teenage brother people think give them one more chance. But he is capable of doing as much damage as any man.


Your mother sounds like typical Somali mother. You will never please her of you sacrifice your whole life for her. It will never be enough and you will end up failing your son. And they will blame you for that as well. Move ASAP and focus on your son before something really bad happens to him and there wont be chance to go back and fix it. If the social knew what happened to your son they would take him from you as he is in actual danger right now. You have to be strong and do the right thing. Like any somali mother our mum will try to guilt trip you and call you all sorts of names, once she realise you aint budging she will accept it. But it seems like you been obedient all your life so she knows she can push you to do whatever she wants. Your need to be good daughter should never come ahead of being a good mother


Jayden, I’ve always enjoyed your content on here and may Allah swt bless you with good rewards for taking the time to read that long ass story and be so kind to me and not judgemental.


As Somali women especially me being the only girl of multiple boys, we are expected to take the brute of all the issues and not bat an eye.

He’s already been injured and everyone close to me has said what you said, that J may hurt my son to the point of no return and we can’t be waiting on that.

Beileve it or not, I’m 27 now but I told her back was I was 15 that I think he had problems before he was going to Somalia.
She didn’t want to see it and refused to acknowledge all these years while he was there that he was special needs.

Why our culture doesn’t acknowledge it, will be the death of us as we have pointed it , autism runs rampant in the community.

Before J came I was very happy and loved being around my boy. But taking care of him takes me away from my son and ruins my mental being.

In order to raise my son in the best way possible, my mental well being has to be top notch.
 
One of the saddest threads i have read here. First of all you have to be honest with yourself. In life if you try to please everyone, you will fail to do so and end up pleasing no one. Your nr 1 priority as a mother is your son and your responsibility is to keep him safe. And something has already happened to him. if you said my man beat up my baby, everyone would say leave ASAP. But because its your teenage brother people think give them one more chance. But he is capable of doing as much damage as any man.

Your mother sounds like typical Somali mother. You will never please her of you sacrifice your whole life for her. It will never be enough and you will end up failing your son. And they will blame you for that as well. Move ASAP and focus on your son before something really bad happens to him and there wont be chance to go back and fix it. If the social knew what happened to your son they would take him from you as he is in actual danger right now. You have to be strong and do the right thing. Like any somali mother our mum will try to guilt trip you and call you all sorts of names, once she realise you aint budging she will accept it. But it seems like you been obedient all your life so she knows she can push you to do whatever she wants. Your need to be good daughter should never come ahead of being a good mother
[/QUOTE

And your right about him being my brother, it makes people say , but but but he’s family ! Vs if he was my man , it’s he ain’t shit leave him loooool
 
Jayden, I’ve always enjoyed your content on here and may Allah swt bless you with good rewards for taking the time to read that long ass story and be so kind to me and not judgemental.


As Somali women especially me being the only girl of multiple boys, we are expected to take the brute of all the issues and not bat an eye.

He’s already been injured and everyone close to me has said what you said, that J may hurt my son to the point of no return and we can’t be waiting on that.

Beileve it or not, I’m 27 now but I told her back was I was 15 that I think he had problems before he was going to Somalia.
She didn’t want to see it and refused to acknowledge all these years while he was there that he was special needs.

Why our culture doesn’t acknowledge it, will be the death of us as we have pointed it , autism runs rampant in the community.

Before J came I was very happy and loved being around my boy. But taking care of him takes me away from my son and ruins my mental being.

In order to raise my son in the best way possible, my mental well being has to be top notch.
Thanks. I hope you make the right decision quickly. Be strong and pray on it. And no matter what others say allah knows what’s in your heart and that’s all that matters
 
Thanks. I hope you make the right decision quickly. Be strong and pray on it. And no matter what others say allah knows what’s in your heart and that’s all that matters

Allah is all knowing and only puts us through these things to make sure we still have faith to turn to him.

Thank you for your words.
 
I’m here with another thread and need advice.
No judgements towards me as unless you been through this,
So please be kind and offer any wisdom y’all can.
Another long story apologies in advance:

I am 27, with a 3 years old son.
Was married, ( arranged marriage in Somalia, ex spouse lives there) and have been divorced for more than 2 years. Been in school since baby was 5 months.
Took care of him alone, while balancing life and school. Life was hard, but good.

I live with family, but parents work in a town far away and work/stay weeks there, and visit for a few days before returning. Live with a sibling, 26, but never see him, as he’s working or with friends.

My mother remarried when I was 14, had 2 more children with my stepfather, one of whom J, is severely Austitic.

For personal reasons, they were sent to live in Somalia at ages 2 and 3, with my moms sister, who took care of them for 10 years. Over time, we were told the special needs one was ok, just hyper.
Idk if y’all may not be aware some Somali parents don’t acknowledge mental illness and think it’s the shaytaan in them and neglect proper treatment and care. This can be quite harmful in the long run.
When I went to Somalia in 2017 and got married, I saw my 2 brothers, and how bad off the autistic one is.
We left and mom said she was wanted them to return to Canada, and for me to be their legal guardian-caretaker.
I explained it wouldn’t be fair on me, since I got married and am pregnant. And how one is severely autistic, and the other normal one was aggressive towards me when I met him.
They were there 10 years, they don’t know who I am since they left Canada as babies.

She called me evil , haasid , and selfish, and said “What would you do ? Put them in the evil facilities with caadaan people who will abuse them if I’m gone?”.

I said no, I will return them to Somalia with their aunt/ mom who raised them all these 10 years and who knows them better.
Over there my fam has a huge support system with maids even. They don’t work and just chill all day while receiving money from my family.

Reminder these 2 brothers of mine have 6 other grown siblings in Canada, none of whom have kids. So why put that responsibility on me?

Since my brothers have come to Canada and in the house, it’s been nothing short of a living hell.
Since he never received help with his condition while over there, his autism got really bad.
He is 13 and big for his age. He’s very violent and would beat me and my mom on the daily. I’ve never been man handled and beat like this in my life.

It’s like he got the strength of 10 men.
He even spraint my wrist, to which I can add a picture.

My mom would leave me alone a lot in the first few months they were here to babysit while she did errands or went to visit someone and taking care of my already hyper toddler, plus the autistic one, and the normal child who’s a bad ass as well, was too much for me.

My son would cry seeing me get beat and I would take the anger I had from J, and get aggravated and impatient with my toddler.

I am usually very happy around my son, and my switch in emotions is not fair to him. He shouldn’t have to see his mother getting beat.

It’s gets worse. He hit my son on a few occasions and even hit him so bad in the mouth, he lost his two front teeth. And had to go to the hospital to do surgery. And I was questioned by the doctors.
I wish I was joking.

My mom at first said if he gets violent towards my son, she’d consider taking him back, but now thinks I am making it all up or that my son did something to aggravate him.

J alone has broken and destroyed our house that my mom worked hard for to put him in.
He has broken up our family as well, the stress of him on my abo, made my parents to want to separate.

They already had issues, but they were working it out. But with J here, it made their relationship worse and broke it down.

My abo even broke down crying y’all. I ain’t never seen a grown man cry the way he did. About how hard it is finically and mentally on him and us all.

My mom has mocked us and said on multiple occasions that she doesn’t care that we ain’t sleeping, that we’re all depressed and breaking down. That she only cared about J and his well being. And that it isn’t fair how everyone is against and hates him.

That he is our brother and we have to love him.

I’ve become severely depressed with him here and even broke down multiple times, especially having to look after him and just my overall situation. Ive even become suicidal ( don’t judge please ) to which is scary that J brought this on.

He gets violent over simple things. Like please brush your teeth. Please wash your hands. He’ll beat us.

Please go to sleep, he beats my mom.

He doesn’t sleep too, did I mention that ? Do you know what’s it’s like to have not slept for 1 month straight ? You don’t.

He will refuse his medication and scream throughout the night, beating on my mom.

I think about my future and what will happen, if I stay in this household. I am scared thinking I will be forever forced to stay here while being in this depressed mode.

What got me somewhat out of it ? I made the plans to eventually move out with my son and get a affordable( safe and clean ) 1 bedroom with me and my son.

I shouldn’t feel guilty wanting to leave since I know if I want to go back to living life normally and mentally happy, and to be the best mom to my son, and for him to not be in a household with violence, I should go.


I’m in school for early learning education and am almost done, InshaAllah. And I also have a job offer by my sons teachers who know of my situation and want to help me.

Wanting to move out with preschool age son, from home with physically and mentally abusive family including special needs brother.

Am I selfish, since leaving my mom and brothers to it ?
Sad situation. May Allah SWT make things easy for you.
 
Thank you sir. I appreciate your words and trust me she is my mother and I have love and respect for her, but her bringing him here after 10 years away has broke down an entire family it’s insane.


I forgot to mention that the doctors advised us for when the beatings get really hard, that we should call the police to help us,

We’ve called the police on a few occasions for when he was really beating me and my mother and we couldn’t stop him.

I was warned by a friend that if the police keep being called, they may report the fact my toddler son is involved as well.
Your mom sounds like the typical entitled Somali moms who put their burdens on their kids.. You should get away from your sick violent brother.. It sounds like he needs professional help, beside you will destroy your own kid in the process.. If I was you I would send him off to a professional facility where he can get the right treatment or atleast contained before he hurts any body.
 
He’s just a wild loose ass nigga that can kill you and he isn’t motivated by anything evil he’s innocent but destructive
 
Are you trying to guilt me? I do not really feel pity towards you. You are choosing to neglect other members of your family, that are worse off for weak excuses like "I need to look after my own". It is ultimately selfish but since it's a very difficult situation you're in, I can't fault you for your decision.

Are you mad horta? She's a mum and her primary role is to make sure her son doesn't end up getting hurt? Is she meant to sacrifice her son's mental and physical well-being.

People like you lack common sense.
 

BobSmoke

Yaah?
I’m here with another thread and need advice.
No judgements towards me as unless you been through this,
So please be kind and offer any wisdom y’all can.
Another long story apologies in advance:

I am 27, with a 3 years old son.
Was married, ( arranged marriage in Somalia, ex spouse lives there) and have been divorced for more than 2 years. Been in school since baby was 5 months.
Took care of him alone, while balancing life and school. Life was hard, but good.

I live with family, but parents work in a town far away and work/stay weeks there, and visit for a few days before returning. Live with a sibling, 26, but never see him, as he’s working or with friends.

My mother remarried when I was 14, had 2 more children with my stepfather, one of whom J, is severely Austitic.

For personal reasons, they were sent to live in Somalia at ages 2 and 3, with my moms sister, who took care of them for 10 years. Over time, we were told the special needs one was ok, just hyper.
Idk if y’all may not be aware some Somali parents don’t acknowledge mental illness and think it’s the shaytaan in them and neglect proper treatment and care. This can be quite harmful in the long run.
When I went to Somalia in 2017 and got married, I saw my 2 brothers, and how bad off the autistic one is.
We left and mom said she was wanted them to return to Canada, and for me to be their legal guardian-caretaker.
I explained it wouldn’t be fair on me, since I got married and am pregnant. And how one is severely autistic, and the other normal one was aggressive towards me when I met him.
They were there 10 years, they don’t know who I am since they left Canada as babies.

She called me evil , haasid , and selfish, and said “What would you do ? Put them in the evil facilities with caadaan people who will abuse them if I’m gone?”.

I said no, I will return them to Somalia with their aunt/ mom who raised them all these 10 years and who knows them better.
Over there my fam has a huge support system with maids even. They don’t work and just chill all day while receiving money from my family.

Reminder these 2 brothers of mine have 6 other grown siblings in Canada, none of whom have kids. So why put that responsibility on me?

Since my brothers have come to Canada and in the house, it’s been nothing short of a living hell.
Since he never received help with his condition while over there, his autism got really bad.
He is 13 and big for his age. He’s very violent and would beat me and my mom on the daily. I’ve never been man handled and beat like this in my life.

It’s like he got the strength of 10 men.
He even spraint my wrist, to which I can add a picture.

My mom would leave me alone a lot in the first few months they were here to babysit while she did errands or went to visit someone and taking care of my already hyper toddler, plus the autistic one, and the normal child who’s a bad ass as well, was too much for me.

My son would cry seeing me get beat and I would take the anger I had from J, and get aggravated and impatient with my toddler.

I am usually very happy around my son, and my switch in emotions is not fair to him. He shouldn’t have to see his mother getting beat.

It’s gets worse. He hit my son on a few occasions and even hit him so bad in the mouth, he lost his two front teeth. And had to go to the hospital to do surgery. And I was questioned by the doctors.
I wish I was joking.

My mom at first said if he gets violent towards my son, she’d consider taking him back, but now thinks I am making it all up or that my son did something to aggravate him.

J alone has broken and destroyed our house that my mom worked hard for to put him in.
He has broken up our family as well, the stress of him on my abo, made my parents to want to separate.

They already had issues, but they were working it out. But with J here, it made their relationship worse and broke it down.

My abo even broke down crying y’all. I ain’t never seen a grown man cry the way he did. About how hard it is finically and mentally on him and us all.

My mom has mocked us and said on multiple occasions that she doesn’t care that we ain’t sleeping, that we’re all depressed and breaking down. That she only cared about J and his well being. And that it isn’t fair how everyone is against and hates him.

That he is our brother and we have to love him.

I’ve become severely depressed with him here and even broke down multiple times, especially having to look after him and just my overall situation. Ive even become suicidal ( don’t judge please ) to which is scary that J brought this on.

He gets violent over simple things. Like please brush your teeth. Please wash your hands. He’ll beat us.

Please go to sleep, he beats my mom.

He doesn’t sleep too, did I mention that ? Do you know what’s it’s like to have not slept for 1 month straight ? You don’t.

He will refuse his medication and scream throughout the night, beating on my mom.

I think about my future and what will happen, if I stay in this household. I am scared thinking I will be forever forced to stay here while being in this depressed mode.

What got me somewhat out of it ? I made the plans to eventually move out with my son and get a affordable( safe and clean ) 1 bedroom with me and my son.

I shouldn’t feel guilty wanting to leave since I know if I want to go back to living life normally and mentally happy, and to be the best mom to my son, and for him to not be in a household with violence, I should go.


I’m in school for early learning education and am almost done, InshaAllah. And I also have a job offer by my sons teachers who know of my situation and want to help me.

Wanting to move out with preschool age son, from home with physically and mentally abusive family including special needs brother.

Am I selfish, since leaving my mom and brothers to it ?
No, you're not being selfish. I would do the same for my kids.

But understand, if that was your kid with the same condition, you would think exactly like your mother. Because motherly nature will often override common sense
 

TekNiKo

“I am an empathic and emotionally-aware person.
VIP
I advise your mom and you to take him back to his aunt in Somalia they know how to deal with unruly kids beating their moms. That behavior is unacceptable autism my ass, no disease makes you that sick infact autists are introvert and anti social anxious folks.
 
I’m here with another thread and need advice.
No judgements towards me as unless you been through this,
So please be kind and offer any wisdom y’all can.
Another long story apologies in advance:

I am 27, with a 3 years old son.
Was married, ( arranged marriage in Somalia, ex spouse lives there) and have been divorced for more than 2 years. Been in school since baby was 5 months.
Took care of him alone, while balancing life and school. Life was hard, but good.

I live with family, but parents work in a town far away and work/stay weeks there, and visit for a few days before returning. Live with a sibling, 26, but never see him, as he’s working or with friends.

My mother remarried when I was 14, had 2 more children with my stepfather, one of whom J, is severely Austitic.

For personal reasons, they were sent to live in Somalia at ages 2 and 3, with my moms sister, who took care of them for 10 years. Over time, we were told the special needs one was ok, just hyper.
Idk if y’all may not be aware some Somali parents don’t acknowledge mental illness and think it’s the shaytaan in them and neglect proper treatment and care. This can be quite harmful in the long run.
When I went to Somalia in 2017 and got married, I saw my 2 brothers, and how bad off the autistic one is.
We left and mom said she was wanted them to return to Canada, and for me to be their legal guardian-caretaker.
I explained it wouldn’t be fair on me, since I got married and am pregnant. And how one is severely autistic, and the other normal one was aggressive towards me when I met him.
They were there 10 years, they don’t know who I am since they left Canada as babies.

She called me evil , haasid , and selfish, and said “What would you do ? Put them in the evil facilities with caadaan people who will abuse them if I’m gone?”.

I said no, I will return them to Somalia with their aunt/ mom who raised them all these 10 years and who knows them better.
Over there my fam has a huge support system with maids even. They don’t work and just chill all day while receiving money from my family.

Reminder these 2 brothers of mine have 6 other grown siblings in Canada, none of whom have kids. So why put that responsibility on me?

Since my brothers have come to Canada and in the house, it’s been nothing short of a living hell.
Since he never received help with his condition while over there, his autism got really bad.
He is 13 and big for his age. He’s very violent and would beat me and my mom on the daily. I’ve never been man handled and beat like this in my life.

It’s like he got the strength of 10 men.
He even spraint my wrist, to which I can add a picture.

My mom would leave me alone a lot in the first few months they were here to babysit while she did errands or went to visit someone and taking care of my already hyper toddler, plus the autistic one, and the normal child who’s a bad ass as well, was too much for me.

My son would cry seeing me get beat and I would take the anger I had from J, and get aggravated and impatient with my toddler.

I am usually very happy around my son, and my switch in emotions is not fair to him. He shouldn’t have to see his mother getting beat.

It’s gets worse. He hit my son on a few occasions and even hit him so bad in the mouth, he lost his two front teeth. And had to go to the hospital to do surgery. And I was questioned by the doctors.
I wish I was joking.

My mom at first said if he gets violent towards my son, she’d consider taking him back, but now thinks I am making it all up or that my son did something to aggravate him.

J alone has broken and destroyed our house that my mom worked hard for to put him in.
He has broken up our family as well, the stress of him on my abo, made my parents to want to separate.

They already had issues, but they were working it out. But with J here, it made their relationship worse and broke it down.

My abo even broke down crying y’all. I ain’t never seen a grown man cry the way he did. About how hard it is finically and mentally on him and us all.

My mom has mocked us and said on multiple occasions that she doesn’t care that we ain’t sleeping, that we’re all depressed and breaking down. That she only cared about J and his well being. And that it isn’t fair how everyone is against and hates him.

That he is our brother and we have to love him.

I’ve become severely depressed with him here and even broke down multiple times, especially having to look after him and just my overall situation. Ive even become suicidal ( don’t judge please ) to which is scary that J brought this on.

He gets violent over simple things. Like please brush your teeth. Please wash your hands. He’ll beat us.

Please go to sleep, he beats my mom.

He doesn’t sleep too, did I mention that ? Do you know what’s it’s like to have not slept for 1 month straight ? You don’t.

He will refuse his medication and scream throughout the night, beating on my mom.

I think about my future and what will happen, if I stay in this household. I am scared thinking I will be forever forced to stay here while being in this depressed mode.

What got me somewhat out of it ? I made the plans to eventually move out with my son and get a affordable( safe and clean ) 1 bedroom with me and my son.

I shouldn’t feel guilty wanting to leave since I know if I want to go back to living life normally and mentally happy, and to be the best mom to my son, and for him to not be in a household with violence, I should go.


I’m in school for early learning education and am almost done, InshaAllah. And I also have a job offer by my sons teachers who know of my situation and want to help me.

Wanting to move out with preschool age son, from home with physically and mentally abusive family including special needs brother.

Am I selfish, since leaving my mom and brothers to it ?
please for the sake of your child, leave. find some government assistance home Temperarly if you have to! but you and your beautiful don't deserve this environment. poor little children need to be in a happy home.
I'm not too sure where in Canada you live, but visit a day home care facilities, you can go check out for your Lil brother see ,how it is. in my province you can call the health line and request someone to be a home caregiver for him??? talk to hoyo about this too , there are so many somali caregives, maybe that will make your mom more open to it?

I pray Allah swt to keep you and your baby safe and fill your heats with ease and happiness
 

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