Am I wrong for wanting to move out of abusive home life due to violent Autistic sibling ?

I’m here with another thread and need advice.
No judgements towards me as unless you been through this,
So please be kind and offer any wisdom y’all can.
Another long story apologies in advance:

I am 27, with a 3 years old son.
Was married, ( arranged marriage in Somalia, ex spouse lives there) and have been divorced for more than 2 years. Been in school since baby was 5 months.
Took care of him alone, while balancing life and school. Life was hard, but good.

I live with family, but parents work in a town far away and work/stay weeks there, and visit for a few days before returning. Live with a sibling, 26, but never see him, as he’s working or with friends.

My mother remarried when I was 14, had 2 more children with my stepfather, one of whom J, is severely Austitic.

For personal reasons, they were sent to live in Somalia at ages 2 and 3, with my moms sister, who took care of them for 10 years. Over time, we were told the special needs one was ok, just hyper.
Idk if y’all may not be aware some Somali parents don’t acknowledge mental illness and think it’s the shaytaan in them and neglect proper treatment and care. This can be quite harmful in the long run.
When I went to Somalia in 2017 and got married, I saw my 2 brothers, and how bad off the autistic one is.
We left and mom said she was wanted them to return to Canada, and for me to be their legal guardian-caretaker.
I explained it wouldn’t be fair on me, since I got married and am pregnant. And how one is severely autistic, and the other normal one was aggressive towards me when I met him.
They were there 10 years, they don’t know who I am since they left Canada as babies.

She called me evil , haasid , and selfish, and said “What would you do ? Put them in the evil facilities with caadaan people who will abuse them if I’m gone?”.

I said no, I will return them to Somalia with their aunt/ mom who raised them all these 10 years and who knows them better.
Over there my fam has a huge support system with maids even. They don’t work and just chill all day while receiving money from my family.

Reminder these 2 brothers of mine have 6 other grown siblings in Canada, none of whom have kids. So why put that responsibility on me?

Since my brothers have come to Canada and in the house, it’s been nothing short of a living hell.
Since he never received help with his condition while over there, his autism got really bad.
He is 13 and big for his age. He’s very violent and would beat me and my mom on the daily. I’ve never been man handled and beat like this in my life.

It’s like he got the strength of 10 men.
He even spraint my wrist, to which I can add a picture.

My mom would leave me alone a lot in the first few months they were here to babysit while she did errands or went to visit someone and taking care of my already hyper toddler, plus the autistic one, and the normal child who’s a bad ass as well, was too much for me.

My son would cry seeing me get beat and I would take the anger I had from J, and get aggravated and impatient with my toddler.

I am usually very happy around my son, and my switch in emotions is not fair to him. He shouldn’t have to see his mother getting beat.

It’s gets worse. He hit my son on a few occasions and even hit him so bad in the mouth, he lost his two front teeth. And had to go to the hospital to do surgery. And I was questioned by the doctors.
I wish I was joking.

My mom at first said if he gets violent towards my son, she’d consider taking him back, but now thinks I am making it all up or that my son did something to aggravate him.

J alone has broken and destroyed our house that my mom worked hard for to put him in.
He has broken up our family as well, the stress of him on my abo, made my parents to want to separate.

They already had issues, but they were working it out. But with J here, it made their relationship worse and broke it down.

My abo even broke down crying y’all. I ain’t never seen a grown man cry the way he did. About how hard it is finically and mentally on him and us all.

My mom has mocked us and said on multiple occasions that she doesn’t care that we ain’t sleeping, that we’re all depressed and breaking down. That she only cared about J and his well being. And that it isn’t fair how everyone is against and hates him.

That he is our brother and we have to love him.

I’ve become severely depressed with him here and even broke down multiple times, especially having to look after him and just my overall situation. Ive even become suicidal ( don’t judge please ) to which is scary that J brought this on.

He gets violent over simple things. Like please brush your teeth. Please wash your hands. He’ll beat us.

Please go to sleep, he beats my mom.

He doesn’t sleep too, did I mention that ? Do you know what’s it’s like to have not slept for 1 month straight ? You don’t.

He will refuse his medication and scream throughout the night, beating on my mom.

I think about my future and what will happen, if I stay in this household. I am scared thinking I will be forever forced to stay here while being in this depressed mode.

What got me somewhat out of it ? I made the plans to eventually move out with my son and get a affordable( safe and clean ) 1 bedroom with me and my son.

I shouldn’t feel guilty wanting to leave since I know if I want to go back to living life normally and mentally happy, and to be the best mom to my son, and for him to not be in a household with violence, I should go.


I’m in school for early learning education and am almost done, InshaAllah. And I also have a job offer by my sons teachers who know of my situation and want to help me.

Wanting to move out with preschool age son, from home with physically and mentally abusive family including special needs brother.

Am I selfish, since leaving my mom and brothers to it ?
 

Basra

LOVE is a product of Doqoniimo mixed with lust
Let Them Eat Cake
VIP
I’m here with another thread and need advice.
No judgements towards me as unless you been through this,
So please be kind and offer any wisdom y’all can.
Another long story apologies in advance:

I am 27, with a 3 years old son.
Was married, ( arranged marriage in Somalia, ex spouse lives there) and have been divorced for more than 2 years. Been in school since baby was 5 months.
Took care of him alone, while balancing life and school. Life was hard, but good.

I live with family, but parents work in a town far away and work/stay weeks there, and visit for a few days before returning. Live with a sibling, 26, but never see him, as he’s working or with friends.

My mother remarried when I was 14, had 2 more children with my stepfather, one of whom J, is severely Austitic.

For personal reasons, they were sent to live in Somalia at ages 2 and 3, with my moms sister, who took care of them for 10 years. Over time, we were told the special needs one was ok, just hyper.
Idk if y’all may not be aware some Somali parents don’t acknowledge mental illness and think it’s the shaytaan in them and neglect proper treatment and care. This can be quite harmful in the long run.
When I went to Somalia in 2017 and got married, I saw my 2 brothers, and how bad off the autistic one is.
We left and mom said she was wanted them to return to Canada, and for me to be their legal guardian-caretaker.
I explained it wouldn’t be fair on me, since I got married and am pregnant. And how one is severely autistic, and the other normal one was aggressive towards me when I met him.
They were there 10 years, they don’t know who I am since they left Canada as babies.

She called me evil , haasid , and selfish, and said “What would you do ? Put them in the evil facilities with caadaan people who will abuse them if I’m gone?”.

I said no, I will return them to Somalia with their aunt/ mom who raised them all these 10 years and who knows them better.
Over there my fam has a huge support system with maids even. They don’t work and just chill all day while receiving money from my family.

Reminder these 2 brothers of mine have 6 other grown siblings in Canada, none of whom have kids. So why put that responsibility on me?

Since my brothers have come to Canada and in the house, it’s been nothing short of a living hell.
Since he never received help with his condition while over there, his autism got really bad.
He is 13 and big for his age. He’s very violent and would beat me and my mom on the daily. I’ve never been man handled and beat like this in my life.

It’s like he got the strength of 10 men.
He even spraint my wrist, to which I can add a picture.

My mom would leave me alone a lot in the first few months they were here to babysit while she did errands or went to visit someone and taking care of my already hyper toddler, plus the autistic one, and the normal child who’s a bad ass as well, was too much for me.

My son would cry seeing me get beat and I would take the anger I had from J, and get aggravated and impatient with my toddler.

I am usually very happy around my son, and my switch in emotions is not fair to him. He shouldn’t have to see his mother getting beat.

It’s gets worse. He hit my son on a few occasions and even hit him so bad in the mouth, he lost his two front teeth. And had to go to the hospital to do surgery. And I was questioned by the doctors.
I wish I was joking.

My mom at first said if he gets violent towards my son, she’d consider taking him back, but now thinks I am making it all up or that my son did something to aggravate him.

J alone has broken and destroyed our house that my mom worked hard for to put him in.
He has broken up our family as well, the stress of him on my abo, made my parents to want to separate.

They already had issues, but they were working it out. But with J here, it made their relationship worse and broke it down.

My abo even broke down crying y’all. I ain’t never seen a grown man cry the way he did. About how hard it is finically and mentally on him and us all.

My mom has mocked us and said on multiple occasions that she doesn’t care that we ain’t sleeping, that we’re all depressed and breaking down. That she only cared about J and his well being. And that it isn’t fair how everyone is against and hates him.

That he is our brother and we have to love him.

I’ve become severely depressed with him here and even broke down multiple times, especially having to look after him and just my overall situation. Ive even become suicidal ( don’t judge please ) to which is scary that J brought this on.

He gets violent over simple things. Like please brush your teeth. Please wash your hands. He’ll beat us.

Please go to sleep, he beats my mom.

He doesn’t sleep too, did I mention that ? Do you know what’s it’s like to have not slept for 1 month straight ? You don’t.

He will refuse his medication and scream throughout the night, beating on my mom.

I think about my future and what will happen, if I stay in this household. I am scared thinking I will be forever forced to stay here while being in this depressed mode.

What got me somewhat out of it ? I made the plans to eventually move out with my son and get a affordable( safe and clean ) 1 bedroom with me and my son.

I shouldn’t feel guilty wanting to leave since I know if I want to go back to living life normally and mentally happy, and to be the best mom to my son, and for him to not be in a household with violence, I should go.


I’m in school for early learning education and am almost done, InshaAllah. And I also have a job offer by my sons teachers who know of my situation and want to help me.

Wanting to move out with preschool age son, from home with physically and mentally abusive family including special needs brother.

Am I selfish, since leaving my mom and brothers to it ?




I think u r being selfish. I think you should NOT move out by yourself. You can't leave home unless it is with a husband. Period.


You need to pray salat and be strong. Together ALL of you will be strong and can make it. Let the state take over, especially for the care and financial. Here in the states, thats a jackpot.


Believe me--selfishness does not pay. You are only asking for a curse for your sweet son. Be generous, help out your half brothers and mom. God will reward u
 
I think u r being selfish. I think you should NOT move out by yourself. You can't leave home unless it is with a husband. Period.


You need to pray salat and be strong. Together ALL of you will be strong and can make. Let thr state take over, especially for the care and financial. Here in the states, that a jackpot.


Believe me--selfishness does not pay. You are only asking for a curse for your sweet son. Be generous, help out your half brothers and mom. In the God will reward u

I figured this would be a response and I thank you for your advice.

My mom has my older brothers here to help out and even majority of my family agrees I should leave since my son has been beat and put in the hospital due to J HITTING him in the face and taking out teeth.

My own abo begged me to leave and can’t bare the thought that my son may get injured in the future due to J.

I have my cousin who wants to live with me as well, so I won’t be alone.

Many sisters I know who are not married live on their own without a husband and do very well.

But thanks for you advice madam 😅
 

Boqorada

I Was Cheating In Prison..I Was Cheating ...
You seem very kind hearted and wish you the best. If the brothers violent rages cannot be controlled then he needs to be seriously evaluated or locked up till he gets better. You should also take your cousins offer and move in with her till the storm settles. Put yourself and your son first.
 
Ignore the crazies sis. You seem very kind hearted and wish you the best. If the brothers violent rages cannot be controlled than he needs to be seriously evaluated or locked up till he gets better. You should also take your cousins offer and move in with her till the storm settle. Put yourself and your son first.
I know a few Somali mothers who deal with their Austitic children and it’s not easy and considered caabe to share with others the hardships.
 

Lostbox

「Immortal Sage」| Qabil-fluid
VIP
Your saying you live with a mentally unstable 13yr boy, that's not your kids, whose overpowering you and constantly attacking you and your mother in front of your own child?
 
Your saying you live with a mentally unstable 13yr boy, that's not your kids, whose overpowering you and constantly attacking you in front of your own child?

Due to him not getting treatment in Somalia for his autism, he got a lot worse.

He simply doesn’t know who we all are.

When you tell him simple things he breakdowns and would hit me repeatedly.
It’s something I don’t like to think about and seeing how my son would cry breaks me.

He is also not responding well to the medication he was giving and it makes him more hyper.

When I’m looking after him he hits me when he gets flustered.
When it’s my hoyoo at home he beats her. It’s very sad to see to wish I wouldn’t wish on anyone.

It’s not easy seeing my hoyoo cry from the stress.
 
If you cant tell when someone is trolling and when someone is being serious then you're slow asf. And your making yourself look like an ass right now for no reason.


Who hurt him I wonder to think someone with a sound mind would make this up ? My goodness.

Plus he using the main factor that I must be a liar and a troll cause I didn’t post since 2018.

I simply didn’t have anything to share since then and prefer reading this site and not making threads.

Would you rather I be like that Rasputiin dude who constantly makes troll threads to lure people in ? Looooool ! No shade to him.
 
Is he low functioning autistic or has aspergers? Autism is a spectrum.
Yeah, i agree you should move out, you shouldnt feel unsafe in your own home. Those kids may have been beaten in Somalia so they probably learned there that inflicting violence on others is acceptable thing to do when angry. They need serious help.
 
Is he low functioning autistic or has aspergers? Autism is a spectrum.
Yeah, i agree you should move out, you shouldnt feel unsafe in your own home. Those kids may have been beaten in Somalia so they probably learned there that inflicting violence on others is acceptable thing to do when angry. They need serious help.

Thank you sir for your kind words of advice unlike that other demon.

Unfortunately he is on the low end of the spectrum where he needs constant supervision and help with daily tasks.
Some autistic kids are high functioning and are just Miskeen and can still do alot like any other person.

I agree being in Somalia that long didn’t help him.
The other brother pointed out he was never violent in Somalia like this, only when he arrives to Canada.

Since my son got injured and I was questioned by doctors about this, I don’t want a repeat of this.

All of my family and friends is supportive of my decision and want the best for me and my son.
 

Basra

LOVE is a product of Doqoniimo mixed with lust
Let Them Eat Cake
VIP
I’m autistic myself, haven’t laid a finger on anyone. I’m a peaceful autist



1634433348027.png
That explains a while ago u went OFF me when i made fun of Austism.


Sheeko
 
You need to put him in some sort of mental institution for his own sake.

I know there is a big stigma surrounding mental health in our community but having him stay at home and not receive proper treatment for his condition is only gonna make things worse nor can you do anything on your own to help.

Might be worth reaching out to some non-profit Somali autism organisations or charities, that can best explain it to your hooyo.
 
You need to put him in some sort of mental institution for his own sake.

I know there is a big stigma surrounding mental health in our community but having him stay at home and not receive proper treatment for his condition is only gonna make things worse nor can you do anything on your own to help.

Might be worth reaching out to some non-profit Somali autism organisations or charities, that can best explain it to your hooyo.

Thanks for understanding that there is indeed a stigma within our community in regards to mental illness.

We all agreed that he is best to be placed in a institution or with his “mother” his aunt back in Somalia, a place of familiarity to him.

It wouldn’t make sense for the other 6 siblings that are grown and have their own lives who have refused to take care of him look after him.


A facility will treat his problems and ensure the best environment for him, and most importantly have people who are trained to deal with him.


My mother is in still denial and refuses to make him leave, but all he does is be so violent towards her.

He already has put her in the hospital due to him banging on her head ( when he hugs really tight and you tell him to let go, he’ll start beating you).
Everyone in our family is worried he may harm her even more since he’s huge for his age and always growing.

I know I have to leave in order to maintain the safety of my son and for my own health as well.
 

Abdalla

Medical specialist in diagnosing Majeerteentitis
Prof.Dr.Eng.
VIP
Thanks for understanding that there is indeed a stigma within our community in regards to mental illness.

We all agreed that he is best to be placed in a institution or with his “mother” his aunt back in Somalia, a place of familiarity to him.

It wouldn’t make sense for the other 6 siblings that are grown and have their own lives who have refused to take care of him look after him.


A facility will treat his problems and ensure the best environment for him, and most importantly have people who are trained to deal with him.


My mother is in still denial and refuses to make him leave, but all he does is be so violent towards her.

He already has put her in the hospital due to him banging on her head ( when he hugs really tight and you tell him to let go, he’ll start beating you).
Everyone in our family is worried he may harm her even more since he’s huge for his age and always growing.

I know I have to leave in order to maintain the safety of my son and for my own health as well.

Dont feel guilty for doing the right thing. Your mum is being very unreasonable. It already cost her her marriage, now it might estrange you two. This is not your fault
 
Dont feel guilty for doing the right thing. Your mum is being very unreasonable. It already cost her her marriage, now it might estrange you two. This is not your fault
I need to get to the bottom of why Somalis have a higher rate of autism than anyone else. Even in the west somalis are more likely to have autism than cadaans and madows
 
Dont feel guilty for doing the right thing. Your mum is being very unreasonable. It already cost her her marriage, now it might estrange you two. This is not your fault
Thank you sir. I appreciate your words and trust me she is my mother and I have love and respect for her, but her bringing him here after 10 years away has broke down an entire family it’s insane.


I forgot to mention that the doctors advised us for when the beatings get really hard, that we should call the police to help us,

We’ve called the police on a few occasions for when he was really beating me and my mother and we couldn’t stop him.

I was warned by a friend that if the police keep being called, they may report the fact my toddler son is involved as well.
 
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I think u r being selfish. I think you should NOT move out by yourself. You can't leave home unless it is with a husband. Period.


You need to pray salat and be strong. Together ALL of you will be strong and can make it. Let the state take over, especially for the care and financial. Here in the states, thats a jackpot.


Believe me--selfishness does not pay. You are only asking for a curse for your sweet son. Be generous, help out your half brothers and mom. God will reward u
so you recommend staying their her whole life and letting some kid beat her and her son, She even said she was suicidal. @Amina99 is already very strong because Allah knows that most people can't handle the mental and physical abuse she has had to endure from her little brother. Ik the child is disabled and I wish that he would have gotten treatment earlier for his disability. we need to stop the stigmatization of disabled somalis so that they are able to get proper care and treatment. if only there was some way to convince your mother to get your little brother treated or some kind of therapy.
 
Thank you sir. I appreciate your words and trust me she is my mother and I have live and respect for her, but her bringing him here after 10 years away has broke down an entire family it’s insane.


I forgot to mention that the doctors advised us for when the beatings get really hard, that we should call the police to help us,

We’ve called the police on a few occasions for when he was really beating me and my mother and we couldn’t stop him.

I was warned by a friend that if the police keep being called, they may report the fact my toddler son is involved as well.
are you sure your aunt can handle him? because I would have moved out like you did but also feel guilt knowing that someone else would have to endure the same thing
 
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