A Somali husband and his madoow revert WIFE's marriage is in limbo and she wants advice!

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TheMadMullah

Author: H*ejabi secrets| hate lefties
Aaahhh.... I've finally plucked up the courage to post, I'm such a shy person... I find it incredibly embarrassing to discuss this issue with anyone that knows me. The complexity and particulars of this story can not be truly understood unless I divulge the the story in it's entirety, please allow me...My reasons for this post is to read the views and opinions from a Somali concept/ prospective. Sisters please feel free to indulge me....brothers you're far from being isolated. The western part of the only English speaking south American country is my hometown. I usually tick the black carribbean box when filling a form. Now resides in the United Kingdom. Few years ago 8 to be exact I reverted/ convert to Islam from Christianity ... I have no intentions of changing not even for all the riches of this world. In 2011, I met my husband through an act of kindness. ...struggling with shopping bags a third of my body weight from my car to my door lol. Eversince we alway smile and greeted each other warmly. In 2012 my transition came...I conformed myself to the Hijab and Abaya. The gentleman was pleasantly surprised...Lamented he had no idea I was a muslim,ask for my number and we became friends. Two months later he ask me to marry him...I said Yes and quickly introduced him to my parents and my brother. ..they love him. However his family was a different story, they disapproved outright,all on prejudice grounds, except for one of his siblings who supported him. Our marriage was put on hold for months. Aaahhh.... I've finally plucked up the courage to post, I'm such a shy person... I find it incredibly embarrassing to discuss this issue with anyone that knows me. The complexity and particulars of this story can not be truly understood unless I divulge the the story in it's entirety, please allow me...My reasons for this post is to read the views and opinions from a Somali concept/ prospective. Sisters please feel free to indulge me....brothers you're far from being isolated. The western part of the only English speaking south American country is my hometown. I usually tick the black carribbean box when filling a form. Now resides in the United Kingdom. Few years ago 8 to be exact I reverted/ convert to Islam from Christianity ... I have no intentions of changing not even for all the riches of this world. In 2011, I met my husband through an act of kindness. ...struggling with shopping bags a third of my body weight from my car to my door lol. Eversince we alway smile and greeted each other warmly. In 2012 my transition came...I conformed myself to the Hijab and Abaya. The gentleman was pleasantly surprised...Lamented he had no idea I was a muslim,ask for my number and we became friends. Two months later he ask me to marry him...I said Yes and quickly introduced him to my parents and my brother. ..they love him. However his family was a different story, they disapproved outright,all on prejudice grounds, except for one of his siblings who supported him. Our marriage was put on hold for months. In September 2012 we did Nikkah at a masjid far away without the knowledge of my husband's family. Beside us my husband's childhood friend and his wife....both of whom were very instrumental in helping my husband to make his decision. The lady is now my only Somali friend,she teaches me the art of Somali cuisine.

In March 2013 we had our marriage registered in a civil ceremony according to English law. After one miscarriage, we're now expecting our first baby Insha Allah. The verbal battles between my husband and his mother has never stopped. But now my husband sings a different tune it goes like this.....My mother said I am responsible for her health problems as I'm the only one of her children who has tried to shamed her by wanting to marry (a derogatory expression in somali language) ....she said I should choose between her blessings and her curse, I hate to see my mum and my whole family so upset, she has choosen a wife for me....one of my cousins a Somali lady who now lives in Saudi Arabia...I will go there for Ramadan this year (2014) and marry her just to make my mum happy, but I will not bring her to Uk I will only go visit her once or twice a year. My husband told me he has no intentions of telling this lady about me and his family do not know that we are married either as I made mention of earlier.

I was thinking maybe if my husband's mother knows of our marriage and see me heavily pregnant maybe just maybe she may think it's not right to interfere. I don't know it's just a thought. Sisters.... is there an easy way to overcome the second wife issue... Do you think my husband can get away with marrying this woman and keeping her in Saudi Arabia, from my understanding her parents are heavily banking on their daughter coming to United Kingdom. Would it be possible for her to come as his spouse/wife being that I'm already married to him under British law? I should mention my husband told me if she and her parents begins to pressurised him to bring her to United Kingdom he will divorce her. I specifically ask these questions because I had ample time to search my inner self.... I can live with the situation if she remains in Saudi Arabia but if she comes here I am afraid things may go array. I have reached the penultimate phase of this episode, I would like to thank everyone who took time out from their busy lives to read and reply...last but not least thank you very much for not insulting me.

Aisha.....o make his decision. The lady is now my only Somali friend,she teaches me the art of Somali cuisine.

In March 2013 we had our marriage registered in a civil ceremony according to English law. After one miscarriage, we're now expecting our first baby Insha Allah. The verbal battles between my husband and his mother has never stopped. But now my husband sings a different tune it goes like this.....My mother said I am responsible for her health problems as I'm the only one of her children who has tried to shamed her by wanting to marry (a derogatory expression in somali language) ....she said I should choose between her blessings and her curse, I hate to see my mum and my whole family so upset, she has choosen a wife for me....one of my cousins a Somali lady who now lives in Saudi Arabia...I will go there for Ramadan this year (2014) and marry her just to make my mum happy, but I will not bring her to Uk I will only go visit her once or twice a year. My husband told me he has no intentions of telling this lady about me and his family do not know that we are married either as I made mention of earlier.

I was thinking maybe if my husband's mother knows of our marriage and see me heavily pregnant maybe just maybe she may think it's not right to interfere. I don't know it's just a thought. Sisters.... is there an easy way to overcome the second wife issue... Do you think my husband can get away with marrying this woman and keeping her in Saudi Arabia, from my understanding her parents are heavily banking on their daughter coming to United Kingdom. Would it be possible for her to come as his spouse/wife being that I'm already married to him under British law? I should mention my husband told me if she and her parents begins to pressurised him to bring her to United Kingdom he will divorce her. I specifically ask these questions because I had ample time to search my inner self.... I can live with the situation if she remains in Saudi Arabia but if she comes here I am afraid things may go array. I have reached the penultimate phase of this episode, I would like to thank everyone who took time out from their busy lives to read and reply...last but not least thank you very much for not insulting me.

Aisha.....
 
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Sorry for the late reply, gotta say you're very calm person judging on how you handled this situation, your relationship is bit complicated to me, in my opinion your husband should tell his family he is married to you period.

As for your question, judging on your last paragraph I think the reason they want him to get married his cousin is because they want her to enter UK, this is not something new, in fact Somalis fake marriages and did this for ages.

I don't think she can come to UK easily, specially when he is legally married to you because she will probably be interviewed several times.
 
the dumb husband shouldn't have married her when he knew how racist his family is.
he needs to grow some balls and tell his mother to stop meddling in his life.
 
Quagmire :gucciwhat:

The hooyo is out of order if this is all true :hillarybiz:

That said ,i think the fellow maybe using the mother as an excuse to get another wife :mjlol:

I am rarely wrong :pachah1:

I think the fellow is being disengenous :mjlol:
 
Sorry for the late reply, gotta say you're very calm person judging on how you handled this situation, your relationship is bit complicated to me, in my opinion your husband should tell his family he is married to you period.

As for your question, judging on your last paragraph I think the reason they want him to get married his cousin is because they want her to enter UK, this is not something new, in fact Somalis fake marriages and did this for ages.

I don't think she can come to UK easily, specially when he is legally married to you because she will probably be interviewed several times.
Are you replying to Mad Mullah or Aisha ?
 

TheMadMullah

Author: H*ejabi secrets| hate lefties
As much as she seems very calm person and handles the whole thing with maturity, shouldn't Islamic ninkah happen with 2 male witness?

She clearly said during her nikkah present were her husband his friend and his friends wife (this has all the footprints of qudbo sir).

Secondly her husbands friend is the only male witness wouldn't that nullify the nikkah since there no are 2 male witnesses?
:cosbyhmm:
 

TheMadMullah

Author: H*ejabi secrets| hate lefties
the dumb husband shouldn't have married her when he knew how racist his family is.
he needs to grow some balls and tell his mother to stop meddling in his life.
Well sometimes you can't leave your family for someone as that person might temporary or can you?

But atleast he should have consulted the family before he commits, I guess he just saw an opportunity to eat halal meat
:duck:
 
He should ditch her and the child. Its what Tyrone would've done anyways. The cousin in Saudi seems to good to resist, fresh virgin girl makes it a might dandy arrangement.

Or he can keep the black chick for bootycall :ohhhdamn:
 
Well sometimes you can't leave your family for someone as that person might temporary or can you?

But atleast he should have consulted the family before he commits, I guess he just saw an opportunity to eat halal meat
:duck:
she's pregnant now so the marriage cant be easily dissolved without consequences. he can either give in to his mothers racism and condemn his kid to a broken family, or tell his mom to back off.

he should not have married her to begin with. he knew his family and he also knew he wasn't man enough to make his own decisions, but as you said, he probably wasnt thinking with his brain at the time.
 

TheMadMullah

Author: H*ejabi secrets| hate lefties
He should ditch her and the child. Its what Tyrone would've done anyways. The cousin in Saudi seems to good to resist, fresh virgin girl makes it a might dandy arrangement.

Or he can keep the black chick for bootycall :ohhhdamn:
I think that was his plan he even told her i wont tell My mom we are married.
 
Your either

1) A Man that impacts those around him with influence, fear or respect while commanding them (what they call natural born leader)

2) Or a weak pathetic effeminate sheeple that follows the orders and dictates of others.

The problem with the dude above is that he was trying to be both.
 
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