Asalamaleykum, I hope you all are well. First of all, I truly appreciate those who have checked up on me from last year and I apologize for not being responsive. I ended up getting a divorce shortly after, my wife, well ex-wife now asked for a divorce. Later on she told me that she was unable to express love for me because she had been in love with someone else and "settled" for me because on paper/societal standrards we were a good match. It has been several months and I have taken time to truly reflect on the situation, it seems so foggy that there was a time when I was actually married.
That person who I wanted to give the world to has become a distant memory. I abstained from dating in college because I wanted to execute matters the halal way, but I guess this is what a breakup feels like. I am not regretful or bitter that I conducted myself correctly and it still ended, but I do question the effort I will be able to give/trust if I ever choose to get married again, honestly the thought hasn't crossed my heart. There are a lot of postings here where the youth are trying to get married and that's great, but you really need to assess the potential person you will be spending your life with. A mistake that I made in the process is that when I would meet potentials and after a meeting they would expect commitment, I would look at them oddly like how can you expect commitment so soon. I now look back and think those girls weren't "desperate" they probably preserved themselves accordingly and wanted to start this process on the right foot and I should have been more receptive to them. My ex-wife played hard to get and for me this I guess at the time showed that she was in high demand and I would be the lucky guy who finally gets her.
Little was it known to me that a few weeks prior to our nikkah she was still seeing this guy. I come from a broken marriage and although attraction is important, a genuine person is often one who approaches you correctly, that's something I have learned in this process. As a guy, we look for beauty in a woman, by nature we are visual, if I could go back and change my approach, I would've picked someone who had the mentality of working through matters not a sense of entitlement.
I have no idea where my ex-wife is, or if she married someone else. I am thankful that in this short-lived marriage of ours, she did not conceive, that would have been a mess. Since then, I have moved out of the state, found a new job, made a bunch of new guy friends, and went to Umrah a couple of months ago. I wish her well out of respect for the time that we were married and iA I hope she always remains well. I had to forgive her for myself. Please keep me in your duas.
FROM REDDIT
This arranged marriage *ristha* thing is for the autistic wallahi. If dude had some experience with women he wouldn’t have gotten played so hard.
That person who I wanted to give the world to has become a distant memory. I abstained from dating in college because I wanted to execute matters the halal way, but I guess this is what a breakup feels like. I am not regretful or bitter that I conducted myself correctly and it still ended, but I do question the effort I will be able to give/trust if I ever choose to get married again, honestly the thought hasn't crossed my heart. There are a lot of postings here where the youth are trying to get married and that's great, but you really need to assess the potential person you will be spending your life with. A mistake that I made in the process is that when I would meet potentials and after a meeting they would expect commitment, I would look at them oddly like how can you expect commitment so soon. I now look back and think those girls weren't "desperate" they probably preserved themselves accordingly and wanted to start this process on the right foot and I should have been more receptive to them. My ex-wife played hard to get and for me this I guess at the time showed that she was in high demand and I would be the lucky guy who finally gets her.
Little was it known to me that a few weeks prior to our nikkah she was still seeing this guy. I come from a broken marriage and although attraction is important, a genuine person is often one who approaches you correctly, that's something I have learned in this process. As a guy, we look for beauty in a woman, by nature we are visual, if I could go back and change my approach, I would've picked someone who had the mentality of working through matters not a sense of entitlement.
I have no idea where my ex-wife is, or if she married someone else. I am thankful that in this short-lived marriage of ours, she did not conceive, that would have been a mess. Since then, I have moved out of the state, found a new job, made a bunch of new guy friends, and went to Umrah a couple of months ago. I wish her well out of respect for the time that we were married and iA I hope she always remains well. I had to forgive her for myself. Please keep me in your duas.
FROM REDDIT
This arranged marriage *ristha* thing is for the autistic wallahi. If dude had some experience with women he wouldn’t have gotten played so hard.
