Excerpt (translated more or less) from one of Dr Kanwal Kaisser’s speeches on Marriage (my notes are in brackets).
I am going to focus now on what should be done next. We are able to understand that this is being said in Quran and hadith, these are things we have already heard. We are already aware of this. But in my life this happiness doesn’t exist. There are so many problems that exist in my life, what should I do with regards to those?
First principle we should remember despite how many times we go and tell someone ‘it’s your fault’. For example one of you go home and say to your spouse “its was a great lecture, you really needed to hear it”. Some of you may be thinking I wished my spouse was here listening to this. You are not going to accomplish much in doing that. Perhaps your spouse may respond “why don’t you yourself practice on what was said?”.
What’s going to happen next? There is going to be ‘ball throwing’. They are throwing ball back and forth that will turn into a game. In the end, there is going to be winner and loser (which is an incorrect perspective). Our religion teaches that successful marriage life is not based on ‘ball throwing’, not finger pointing, rely solely on blaming the other rather the focus should be on one’s own responsibilities.
To fulfill one’s own responsibilities, there are several alternative methods, A, B, C, D. I did this. Did it benefit? Yes it did, grace of God. No, it didn’t, proceed to plan B. Did it benefit? Yes it did, grace of God. No, it didn’t, proceed to plan C. Where do the alphabets end at? Letter Z. Everyday is a new plan. You have gone to letter Z and still its not benefitting. And there isn’t radical shift in your marriage.
So its not a big deal. Who will be pleased on your efforts? Allah (swt). How long is this life? 70-80 years. That’s it. So what is the benefit to me? Allah has placed me in a difficult university, difficult exam, there is tense competition but after all this I am going to get a good job. I don’t need to overwhelm myself (overthinking).
I got married through my own volition. Allah had destined this spouse. This shouldn’t be means for me to become overtly anxious. I have to pass this test. The day we have this determination. You will not need to go to the letter ‘Z’. Perhaps exhausting all alternatives the most you will go to is letter ‘F’.
sheikhonderun.wordpress.com
I am going to focus now on what should be done next. We are able to understand that this is being said in Quran and hadith, these are things we have already heard. We are already aware of this. But in my life this happiness doesn’t exist. There are so many problems that exist in my life, what should I do with regards to those?
First principle we should remember despite how many times we go and tell someone ‘it’s your fault’. For example one of you go home and say to your spouse “its was a great lecture, you really needed to hear it”. Some of you may be thinking I wished my spouse was here listening to this. You are not going to accomplish much in doing that. Perhaps your spouse may respond “why don’t you yourself practice on what was said?”.
What’s going to happen next? There is going to be ‘ball throwing’. They are throwing ball back and forth that will turn into a game. In the end, there is going to be winner and loser (which is an incorrect perspective). Our religion teaches that successful marriage life is not based on ‘ball throwing’, not finger pointing, rely solely on blaming the other rather the focus should be on one’s own responsibilities.
To fulfill one’s own responsibilities, there are several alternative methods, A, B, C, D. I did this. Did it benefit? Yes it did, grace of God. No, it didn’t, proceed to plan B. Did it benefit? Yes it did, grace of God. No, it didn’t, proceed to plan C. Where do the alphabets end at? Letter Z. Everyday is a new plan. You have gone to letter Z and still its not benefitting. And there isn’t radical shift in your marriage.
So its not a big deal. Who will be pleased on your efforts? Allah (swt). How long is this life? 70-80 years. That’s it. So what is the benefit to me? Allah has placed me in a difficult university, difficult exam, there is tense competition but after all this I am going to get a good job. I don’t need to overwhelm myself (overthinking).
I got married through my own volition. Allah had destined this spouse. This shouldn’t be means for me to become overtly anxious. I have to pass this test. The day we have this determination. You will not need to go to the letter ‘Z’. Perhaps exhausting all alternatives the most you will go to is letter ‘F’.
‘Ball throwing’ in Marriage
Excerpt from Dr Kanwal Kaisser’s speeches on Marriage. I am going to focus now on what should be done next. We are able to understand that this is being said in Quran and hadith, these are things w…
sheikhonderun.wordpress.com
