Why older Somali men so secretive about their second wife?

Lostbox · Jan 20, 2020

There was a big thing on around my Somali community. A family friend of are whose a very quiet and shy man type recently found out he secretly married a local Kurdish women. if you see her you understand why. She fine as hell, plus I don't agree with his actions.

What I wanted to know is that, is this acceptable in Islam. My would agree morally it's wrong but what about religiously?

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Veteran · Jan 20, 2020

You're allowed to have 4 wives.

Karim · Jan 20, 2020

It's fine and acceptable Morally and Religiously. In fact, wealthy Males are encouraged to have more wives so they can increase the Muslim population.

Odkac WRLD · Jan 20, 2020

If and ONLY IF you are able to provide for both women at an equal level you can have up to 4 wives.
Obviously polygamy is not kosher in the west, but if you marry in Islamic world none will know.

women are very temperamental creatures. If you have a wife that has done right by you and raised your kids etc, obviously she’s gonna be hurt when you turn around and marry some other girl. These two women will likely never be able to be in the same room :drakelaugh:

The women see it as taboo as they are the cornerstone of the household, and get very jealous as it is equivalent to him cheating in the west. While it is 100% fine to have multiple wives in our culture, it goes against nearly everything in the west. Of all the faraxs I know that married a second wife in Africa, it went well 0% of the time. Now you have a financial obligation to two different families, in my eyes it isn’t worth it tbh.

also keep in mind Prophet Muhammad SWT only took a second wife after he was widowed by Khadija. And this man and women are the ones we should aspire to emulate, so in the west it’s morally wrong because of customs about monogamy.

but in Islamic world your chillin :rejoice:

Lostbox · Jan 20, 2020

Muhammad Bire said:
If and ONLY IF you are able to provide for both women at an equal level you can have up to 4 wives.
Obviously polygamy is not kosher in the west, but if you marry in Islamic world none will know.

women are very temperamental creatures. If you have a wife that has done right by you and raised your kids etc, obviously she’s gonna be hurt when you turn around and marry some other girl. These two women will likely never be able to be in the same room

The women see it as taboo as they are the cornerstone of the household, and get very jealous as it is equivalent to him cheating in the west. While it is 100% fine to have multiple wives in our culture, it goes against nearly everything in the west. Of all the faraxs I know that married a second wife in Africa, it went well 0% of the time. Now you have a financial obligation to two different families, in my eyes it isn’t worth it tbh.

also keep in mind Prophet Muhammad SWT only took a second wife after he was widowed by Khadija. And this man and women are the ones we should aspire to emulate, so in the west it’s morally wrong because of customs about monogamy.

but in Islamic world your chillin

He definitely be able to provide for both but why so secretively?

Helios · Jan 20, 2020

Lostbox said:
There was a big thing on around my Somali community. A family friend of are whose a very quiet and shy man type recently found out he secretly married a local Kurdish women. if you see her you understand why. She fine as hell, plus I don't agree with his actions.

What I wanted to know is that, is this acceptable in Islam. My would agree morally it's wrong but what about religiously?

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Only admin can do @message lol

Lostbox · Jan 20, 2020

The Good said:
Only admin can do @message lol

Really? Thanks. That's disappointing.

Odkac WRLD · Jan 20, 2020

Lostbox said:
He definitely be able to provide for both but why so secretively?

The mindset of 4 wives does NOT mesh with xalimos in the west, even the ones born back home but here long enough to absorb western mindset.

99% of xalimos will go nuclear if you mention polygamy. They are very territorial with their men, surprisingly.

case in point. This is a young couple. This dude ain’t even getting a second wife, he’s just telling her he’s gonna met his ex. It’s a prank, but this is the genuine reaction
Watch from 9-12 and you’ll see the territorial and jealousy stuff I spoke on

Lostbox · Jan 20, 2020

Muhammad Bire said:
The mindset of 4 wives does NOT mesh with xalimos in the west, even the ones born back home but here long enough to absorb western mindset.

99% of xalimos will go nuclear if you mention polygamy. They are very territorial with their men, surprisingly.

case in point. This is a young couple. This dude ain’t even getting a second wife, he’s just telling her he’s gonna met his ex. It’s a prank, but this is the genuine reaction
Watch from 9-12 and you’ll see the territorial and jealousy stuff I spoke on

Don't women have self interest? Why would they accept something that doesn't benefit them?

Plus, his wife or maybe future ex was a stay at home mom.

Basra · Jan 20, 2020

Lostbox said:
He definitely be able to provide for both but why so secretively?

Because he knows his first wife more than he knows himself. He knows this needs to be down low or otherwise....

Odkac WRLD · Jan 20, 2020

Lostbox said:
Don't women have self interest? Why would they accept something that doesn't benefit them?

Plus, his wife or maybe future ex was a stay at home mom.

This isn’t for all, but it would make sense after a couple years of marriage you become extremely attached to your spouse
By the time the second wife comes around they might have too many tied up interests(home kids plans) for her to just up and leave

The video was a prank but there early 20s and both work so both independent

Lostbox · Jan 20, 2020

Basra said:
Because he knows his first wife more than he knows himself. He knows this needs to be down low or otherwise....

They been with each other 20 year plus

Basra · Jan 20, 2020

Lostbox said:
They been with each other 20 year plus

Well maybe he is being respectful to his first wife. What do want him to do? Bring the second wife with a family gathering?

Lostbox · Jan 20, 2020

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Basra · Jan 20, 2020

Lostbox said:
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@Basra

Lostbox · Jan 20, 2020

Basra said:
Well maybe he is being respectful to his first wife. What do want him to do? Bring the second wife with a family gathering?

No idea. I don't know how they found out. I thought she was just was side chick but they go married in secret and there are pictures of it. There so much secrecy going on

repo · Jan 20, 2020

They probably know how wrong it is. My cousin did that after having 4 kids, I couldn't look at the man the same.

Daacad90 · Jan 20, 2020

Because most Somali women wouldn't accept even the notion of their husbands marrying a second wife.

epiphany · Jan 20, 2020

Lostbox said:
There was a big thing on around my Somali community. A family friend of are whose a very quiet and shy man type recently found out he secretly married a local Kurdish women. if you see her you understand why. She fine as hell, plus I don't agree with his actions.

What I wanted to know is that, is this acceptable in Islam. My would agree morally it's wrong but what about religiously?

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It's allowed in Islam. My grandfather married 2 women at the same time and they are neighbours. As far as I know, they are very close to each other and even have iftar when it's Ramadan and celebrate eid together. Personally tho I wouldn't like it if my husband married another woman without informing me and asking me for my opinion, but even if he did that I wouldn't want to share him.

Also, why is he hiding it? It's not like it's haram...

General Asad · Jan 20, 2020

Religiously, it is accepted

Morally, it is wrong

Why older Somali men so secretive about their second wife?

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