Excerpt from Farhat Hashmi’s speeches on marriage.
Its unfortunate with regards to matters of this world, we make a genuine attempt in understanding things. But when it comes to matters of religion we don’t apply that level of effort. For example sermon is read in every marriage. How many of those attendees even the person who is getting married even know what is being said. We hear the Arabic, sometimes its read as formality or to gain blessings. But we don’t know what is being said. When its recited:
“We also seek refuge in Him from the evils of our own selves” (wa naoozu billahi min shorrori anfusina)
Because one’s lower self incites towards evil. If we hear one small thing, we are not at peace until we make that person hear twice from us. If we are hurt a little, its mandatory for me to respond. How is it possible that I remain silent? Irrespective if the matter becomes worst or it will exasperate the issue. I need to satisfy my anger. This is why Yusuf (as) said:
“Indeed, the soul is a persistent enjoiner of evil” (12:53)
Thus, satisfying this lower self will drag a person to ruin. What are those evil traits of lower self? Anger, envy, malice, greed, stingy, negative thinking, overtly suspicious and thinking ill of others. To have grand opinion of yourself, to think of others as beneath you. To be excessively proud of one’s ability. First victim to the ego was the devil. What did he say?
“I am better than him. You created me of fire and created him of clay”. (7:12)
Devil couldn’t prostrate due to the ego. People who submit to their ego are followers of the devil. In life if you analyze, whatever wrongs you see for example in relationships you will see ego playing its role.
‘Am I stupid? Am I lower than the other person? Why should I lower myself? Why should I listen? Why should I accept? Why should I ask forgiveness?’ Even if I know that its my fault.
For the ego, we are willing to lose so much. Just to save this one ego, we are willing to harm several relationships both with creation and Creator. What stands between us and obedience to Allah is the ego. Why is someone’s’ right not fulfilled? Ego obstructs. For wife to fulfill right of husband or husband to fulfill the right of wife, what really holds meaning in relationship? What becomes an obstacle? Its the ego. After marriage, the conflicts that take place are largely due to the ego.
‘Why did that person say this? He/she said this, insulted me, didn’t ask forgiveness.’ In certain cases, why is someone not asking forgiveness? They don’t want to lower themselves.
‘I will break myself but I am not going to bend to someone else’.
This is evil of one’s soul. That person will only receive love who knows how to lower themselves, be giving. A person will be valuable if he/she knows how to value someone else. To give someone else, to make someone happy, to have a place in someone else’s heart, to spread happiness and smiles its important to lower oneself. Humility is liked by both Allah and His servants.
This is why in the marriage sermon we pray to Allah to protect us from the evil of our own selves.
“We also seek refuge in Him from the evils of our own selves” (wa naoozu billahi min shorrori anfusina)
Its unfortunate with regards to matters of this world, we make a genuine attempt in understanding things. But when it comes to matters of religion we don’t apply that level of effort. For example sermon is read in every marriage. How many of those attendees even the person who is getting married even know what is being said. We hear the Arabic, sometimes its read as formality or to gain blessings. But we don’t know what is being said. When its recited:
“We also seek refuge in Him from the evils of our own selves” (wa naoozu billahi min shorrori anfusina)
Because one’s lower self incites towards evil. If we hear one small thing, we are not at peace until we make that person hear twice from us. If we are hurt a little, its mandatory for me to respond. How is it possible that I remain silent? Irrespective if the matter becomes worst or it will exasperate the issue. I need to satisfy my anger. This is why Yusuf (as) said:
“Indeed, the soul is a persistent enjoiner of evil” (12:53)
Thus, satisfying this lower self will drag a person to ruin. What are those evil traits of lower self? Anger, envy, malice, greed, stingy, negative thinking, overtly suspicious and thinking ill of others. To have grand opinion of yourself, to think of others as beneath you. To be excessively proud of one’s ability. First victim to the ego was the devil. What did he say?
“I am better than him. You created me of fire and created him of clay”. (7:12)
Devil couldn’t prostrate due to the ego. People who submit to their ego are followers of the devil. In life if you analyze, whatever wrongs you see for example in relationships you will see ego playing its role.
‘Am I stupid? Am I lower than the other person? Why should I lower myself? Why should I listen? Why should I accept? Why should I ask forgiveness?’ Even if I know that its my fault.
For the ego, we are willing to lose so much. Just to save this one ego, we are willing to harm several relationships both with creation and Creator. What stands between us and obedience to Allah is the ego. Why is someone’s’ right not fulfilled? Ego obstructs. For wife to fulfill right of husband or husband to fulfill the right of wife, what really holds meaning in relationship? What becomes an obstacle? Its the ego. After marriage, the conflicts that take place are largely due to the ego.
‘Why did that person say this? He/she said this, insulted me, didn’t ask forgiveness.’ In certain cases, why is someone not asking forgiveness? They don’t want to lower themselves.
‘I will break myself but I am not going to bend to someone else’.
This is evil of one’s soul. That person will only receive love who knows how to lower themselves, be giving. A person will be valuable if he/she knows how to value someone else. To give someone else, to make someone happy, to have a place in someone else’s heart, to spread happiness and smiles its important to lower oneself. Humility is liked by both Allah and His servants.
This is why in the marriage sermon we pray to Allah to protect us from the evil of our own selves.
“We also seek refuge in Him from the evils of our own selves” (wa naoozu billahi min shorrori anfusina)
